Men getting angry with sick wives

[OlympicProcrastinator]

This is a ‘thing’ isn’t it? My ex was like that. Getting cross and huffy if I was too unwell to do much around the house. I thought it was just him.

But over the years I’ve read of more and more women who get shouted at for being sick, or suddenly the man gets even more ‘ill’ whenever their wife becomes unwell.

What the hell is that all about?

They feel entitled to us and the services we perform to make their lives easier.
We are essentially a domestic appliance that has broken down or not working as well which means they have to put in more effort than they think they should have to.

Men like this don't like women they just need them because their lazy and entitled.

I don’t know anyone like this in person. Obviously women who have issues with their partners will flock to internet forums. I wouldn’t forget the well known phrase ‘man flu’ which can be quite dismissive at times.

The most charitable explanation is that they become anxious and it manifests as anger. The more likely imo is that they're angry that her being 'out of order' is going to result in them having to do more than usual. Much like a broken domestic appliance, it's inconvenient. The sudden onset of matched illness is to ensure they are not expected to pick up any slack and in hopes she will recover herself as quickly as possible in order to look after the DC and them.

I don’t know where this comes from? My DH is definitely not like this, even if I have a sniffle he is looking after me!
I do wonder whether we as women are guilty of showing men that we are too capable. This results in our partners taking advantage? I’m not saying it’s right, but maybe this is what is happening?

I have never known anyone like this

Nailed it

You have to always remember that narcissists or those high in narcissistic traits have an emotional age of about 2-5/7. Essentially it is an arrested emotional development so essentially they are throwing a toddler tantrum.

My friend's soon to be ex husband is like this. They view women as an appliance and get annoyed when said appliance stops doing it's job. He treated her like absolute shit through her entire breast cancer journey, acting like she was being dramatic and should just pull herself together and still do 100% of the childcare, housework and cooking.

Hence the soon to be ex part.

Horrible creatures they are.

There's research that suggests that while the vast majority of people (of either sex) will support their spouse/partner when seriously ill, women are much more likely to end up separated or divorced if they're diagnosed with cancer or MS than men are when they face the same conditions.

In one study (on brain cancer) the single biggest factor that predicted separation/divorce was if the patient was female. Men were seven times more likely to leave their partner than the other way around if one of them got cancer.

And interesting that a couple of PPs mention some men treat women who are ill like a broken household appliance. Researchers have noticed that too.

I read that men are more likely to leave a sick wife than the reverse.

When your washing machine makes a clunking noise and spews suds over the floor, you don't there-there it, do you? You give it a kick and then fume about how it's a useless piece of crap that only got fixed last year.

It's basically the same mentality in these men.

Yes, my abusive ex was like this.

Couldn't accept I was ill and would be completely dismissive of my feelings. The fact that I was rarely ill made no difference and actually had the effect of making me doubt myself so I battled through.

Was only when thinking back how nuts it was.

My husband is like this.

Even admitted that when I slipped and broke my hip he was angry at me for doing it!

He fed and watered me during the 6 weeks recovery, but that was it. But if you asked him he was amazing. Also PIL used to phone him to "see how he was coping."

Oh yes this brought up so many bad memories. My ex got angry when I broke my ankle. I was so perplexed and in pain I couldn't quite get it...

I do get it now. Or at least, I realise he was being, not confused, as I thought but totally and utterly a complete bustard. Unfortunately, the way I was then, I was completely bamboozled!

I can look back with complete clarity now but then it was very murky so I can understand why some women don't see it for what it is straightaway or even for some time. It's very difficult to be in that situation.

My Mum was diagnosed with a chronic condition in her 40’s and full credit to my Dad, he was very supportive, albeit with a lot of moaning to friends and relatives. But he’s always been a moaner, still is. 😂

Huge contrast to a former neighbor whose wife was in a serious car crash. They split up within a year of her accident, because he was so self-centered. He was used to her running around after him and apparently couldn’t do the same for her, even though she recovered well eventually. I lost all respect for him after that and was glad when he moved.

Men like this usually treat their unwell children/adult children like shit too. Speaking from experience.

Or with sick/disabled children.

I have fibromyalgia, not that severely but i manage it by knowing when is enough, hard with an autistic dd! Ex never got it.

My ex was vile when I was unwell because it inconvenienced him. Anything that inconvenience him would set him off though.

I know a woman who broke her leg and her DH refused to take her to the hospital because he was busy. He wouldn't do anything to help either like make dinner. I imagine that in the future if she becomes old, frail or sick he will just leave her.

It certainly comes up a lot on MN.
My father was like this with my mother.
There’s also the known fact that it isn’t uncommon for men to leave their seriously ill wives, including after a cancer diagnosis.

I hear about this all too often. My late DM always used to say men just can't cope with illness, whether it's their wife/partner or a child. This was proven to me years ago when I became seriously ill for several months. Just as I was starting to recover,my exH announced he'd 'lost all respect for me' since I'd been ill and that he was moving out. Thankfully,with hindsight,it turned out to be the biggest favour he ever did me.

It was definitely "a thing" back in the 1980s when I was nursing - men would leave their wives. Interesting to see there's research to back up this anecdotal belief magicmole.

My DW is like this, she hates weakness. If I'm unwell in any way I do my best to hide it from her but it's no always possible.

The bigger question is why have the women allowed the men to do so little that the men become scared at the thought of having to put a wash on or think about what to feed the children. Women allow men to be pathetic.

Oh FFS 🙄
Yeah, it's all womens fault that men are so shit, obviously.

I've had cancer twice and very recently a major medical procedure. Twice now, my dh has careed for me and looks after our ds whilst doing all the cooking , housework and so on without complaint. He's an absolute star and my rock.