Men getting angry with sick wives

[OlympicProcrastinator]

This is a ‘thing’ isn’t it? My ex was like that. Getting cross and huffy if I was too unwell to do much around the house. I thought it was just him.

But over the years I’ve read of more and more women who get shouted at for being sick, or suddenly the man gets even more ‘ill’ whenever their wife becomes unwell.

What the hell is that all about?

As a former oncology nurse I’ve seen some shockers. The husband who ‘didn’t do illness’ so his poor wife undergoing chemo wasn’t allowed to stay in bed when she felt rough but had to drag herself up and try to throw up in secret or he got angry. The woman whose husband, when she was diagnosed with breast cancer told her ‘I didn’t sign up for this’. I could write a book.

I think this is a really good point.

@AppleDumplingWithCustard Disgusting. I hope she got rid of him eventually.

Not an illness as such but I have lots of friends who when they've been in the first trimester of pregnancy and are absolutely exhausted, their husbands basically don't believe them. Because they don't look visibly pregnant yet they can't seem to understand that it's exhausting.

Good grief. Please stop putting up with this sort of behaviour! My DH is amazing. He supported me through labour when we knew our baby had died. I’ve just supported him through cancer treatment. There is no excuse for anyone to be angry at someone being ill.

This is why ableism matters. A man who sneers at anyone who is less able in any way will not be sympathetic to his wife when she can't wipe her own backside due to illness. He certainly won't see her as entitled to his help.

I remember my ex shouting up the stairs when I was trying to settle my poorly, just started nursery DD “every fucking week she’s ill” & then when I had a (rare) hideous stomach bug, shouted up to ask if I’m coming down as he’s leaving soon for the gym!

I think I decided this day that I was calling time.

I do. My BIL. See it with my own eyes. Horrific.

"I didn't sign up for this"

It's as if they haven't read their own wedding vows. I mean, they did actually, almost literally, sign up for this.

Oh yes. Have seen this in action too with my sister. Her in laws phoning up to see how POOR BIL is coping.

My DH is nothing like this, if anything I am! (I don’t get angry with him really, I’m just less sympathetic.) I had Covid recently and he was really caring and looked after me.

Total opposite to his father, who couldn’t cope with his mum’s cancer diagnosis when DH was little. They split when DH was 4 and he apparently told her that he fell out of love with her when she got ill. Selfish arse. Just couldn’t cope with it. I lost all respect for him when DH told me.

The bigger question isn't why women let men get away with being shit. It's why men as a group think it's ok to be shit and exploitative of other people. And what can be done to stop them.