£550 personal spending per month

[PersonalSpending]

I absolutely don't think I'm being unreasonable, but just venting - so I'll be shocked if people tell me I am.
If I am then I can look at adjustments.

My husband and I divide our money by each taking £550 a month spending money. This amount doesn't include work travel, household bills, family savings, mobile phone bills etc. It is literally our own to do what we like with - we can choose to save for bigger personal purchases, gym membership, hobbies, or blow it all on eating out etc. We do also buy work lunches out of this, but can choose to bring lunch in from home so we don't have to spend this.
All the rest of the money goes into our joint account for bills/savings/food etc.

I'm not here to discuss the merits of our arrangements. But for context, I was the higher earner for 10 years. He is now the higher earner (marginally). We've taken even amount of personal spending since we bought a house together - previously he had more disposable income than me because I had more bills, despite my higher income (previous house was mine, he rented a cheap room and then moved in with me - he paid towards bills/food but I still paid the majority/mortgage).

Husband has had a payrise and is irate that the extra money is going straight to the joint account and he's seeing no benefit of the payrise. I've said he is seeing the benefit as we can afford to pay our ever increasing bills, and he still has a hefty amount of personal spending. He says he's broke.

I've suggested we BOTH take extra spending money and reduce our budget for food shopping, or savings, or cut something else from the household budget, if he feels that strongly that he has no money.

My AIBU: Is £550/month spending money per person a lot?

YABU: you can't survive on that amount of personal spending, increase it.

YANBU: That's plenty, he needs to address his own spending habits before taking more from the family money.

What the hell are you spending £550 a month on....? I spend about £100 on myself each month

What the hell are you spending £550 a month on....? I spend about £100 on myself each month

I have a lot more than £550 per month to spend on myself, I spend it on eating out and nights/days out with friends, coffees for myself, botox, clothes, one solo holiday each year, I help my eldest DC out, toiletries, haircuts, solo days out and solo travel if I have a day out on my own

Joint money pays for my spa membership, travel with my DH, cineworld pass, meals and days out with my DH and/or adult DC.

Lucky you.

I have just over £550 a month as money for myself after all bills are paid and some has gone to savings. I could easily spend more than that. I don't think £550 is high at all. If you barely have £5 how do you do things with friends, pay for parking on days out, have nails/ hair done, buy clothes, buy takeaways etc?

@Q124 a lot of people just don't do those things. 😬

£550 is plenty and more than we do, but my god I could spend that no problem 🤣

I’m v low maintenance so would struggle to spend that much. Do most people get their nails, eyebrows and whatnot done? And hair things? I have 2 haircuts a year, cheapest I can find, don’t dye my hair and it wouldnt occur to me to get my nails done but I’m aware this isn’t the norm!!
id love to be high maintenance but I just can’t be arsed…

We get £500 a month and I do none of those things apart from the haircuts, I even use bikini hair removal cream because I'm too tight and lazy to pay for waxing anymore. I'd suggest that if you were getting lots of beauty treatments per month £500 would barely touch the sides.

Mine mostly goes on my annual ski trip as DH doesn't enjoy skiing, a couple of weekends away with friends either abroad or to a festival, clothes- I'm not particularly excessive here, gym at £20 a month, the odd meal or night out with friends and a shop bought lunch once, maybe twice a week.

If we had less to spend, then of course we would cut it back and of course we'd survive. I'd cut out shop bought lunches first and then clothes, go to inexpensive BYOB restaurants with friends, the holidays are what mean most to me.

For me it's concert and theatre tickets, Lego, my sports hobby, and then the more traditional female things listed! Could easily spend thousands tbh

For those asking what I spend it on...

I save some, invest some, gym membership

The rest is on days out (with or without the kids - but mostly with and that's expensive), eating out, clothes, make up, haircut, occasional lunches at work, bday/Christmas presents for my husband, parking, books.
Not all of this every month. And the savings and investments come first so I actually have to strictly budget the rest.

No idea what he spends his on.

Not the point of the thread but why would a day out with the kids come out of your personal spending money? I would consider that a joint expense.

I said previously I couldn't spend £500 per month but obviously would if those things you list were included.

However, if he's not willing to engage with the budget then there's not much further to say.

If days out etc were part of the family budget then we'd have less personal spending. I suppose it doesn't really make much difference.

It is usually me that takes the kids out though - it'd be very rare for that to come out of his spending. I'm not particularly unhappy with that, days out are a treat that I'm choosing.

@PersonalSpending I sometimes use my own money to take the kids out, if it's something really specific I want to do like take them to a theatre show or gig I like, especially if I am only taking one child (I always even it up) DH does the same if he wants to take them to one of his interests like a car show. We have a separate budget for family days and if we are all going that's fine it's pre planned and comes from that, but if it's more of a self interest (and the family budget doesn't allow that month) we will do it ourselves.

I think you need to point out to him that you are paying for family days out with your money, doesn't seem like he is doing the same and yet it's still not enough for him.

Bloody hell, so you pay to entertain his kids while he gets to save money, extr downtime and free childcare?

Anything with kids is a joint expense whether he is there or not. Its revolting that he opts out of family days out anyway. Worse if he is happy for you to pay to entertain them.

Agree that he should contribute towards the cost of his DC having days out. You're basically saying that he's prioritising his own wants over their childhood

If you're saving the part of your money that you don't spend, I bet that's built up to quite a bit now? It would be funny if one day you went out and just bought a sports car or other huge extravagance and you could say you've saved for it because you didn't spend all your money on X, Y or Z crap each month.

But how can you not know what he spends his money on? We have a similar system, DP spends more than I do and I have savings, whereas he spends his mostly on many different types of bikes and related accessories and buying lunch pretty much every day.

We have more, others will have less. Ok for one will be different from ok for others.

If he wants more, and obviously you should have the same, and that means cutting back on other things, then he needs to stop acting like a sulky child, sit down with you, and work out what can be changed to give you both more personal spending money.

I couldn’t cope with such a man child.

He had a small bonus a couple of months back along with the payrise, and I didn't adjust the budget for the first two months as I thought it would be nice for him to have a bit extra for a couple of months.

I couldn't live in this scenario, where someone else, when I had a payrise and a bonus, allowed me a 'bit extra for a couple of months'.

Could you live in a scenario where your partner had a payrise and your spending money also increased?
It evens out over the years. He's benefited from our financial arrangement more than me.

Would you suggest he gets to keep his payrise but the food shopping comes out of my personal spending because prices have gone up and I didn't get a payrise?

It's not about who's earned what over the years and the impact of that in the other person. DH and I have earned significantly more than each other at various points and we've happily benefited from the other person's additional income.

I'd suggest that you have an arrangement you're both happy with, not one where one party controls the others spending money including bonuses. Maybe he'd be happier putting a bit less into savings and having more to spend?

As I've already said, we are both happy with the arrangement. I've given him the option of putting less in savings.

He doesnt want to save less, but he's annoyed that means he can't have more spending money.

It's frustrating for me as I took it as a criticism, as I manage the budget - he chooses not to get involved.

Well OP, Ithink we can argue this round in circles forever. But there really isn't an absolute correct answer. Every partnership has a different dynamic. What is right for you might not be good for someone else. So all you can do to resolve it, is discuss it with DH until you can find a compromise for both now, and what may hapoen in the future.
Meanwhile, from my personal position of max £120 pocket money a month, ( ereader books, audio books, birthday presents, clothes- from ebay- and monthly donations to charities), £550 - every month! I'm having fun dreaming of what I'd spend it on!
Best of luck resolving your problem.

In your DHs position I’d suggest we both have an increase. I don’t like it when one half of a married couple seems to use the mantra “What’s yours is mine, what’s mine is my own.”

Just noticed that the last post was 5 days ago!