£550 personal spending per month

[PersonalSpending]

I absolutely don't think I'm being unreasonable, but just venting - so I'll be shocked if people tell me I am.
If I am then I can look at adjustments.

My husband and I divide our money by each taking £550 a month spending money. This amount doesn't include work travel, household bills, family savings, mobile phone bills etc. It is literally our own to do what we like with - we can choose to save for bigger personal purchases, gym membership, hobbies, or blow it all on eating out etc. We do also buy work lunches out of this, but can choose to bring lunch in from home so we don't have to spend this.
All the rest of the money goes into our joint account for bills/savings/food etc.

I'm not here to discuss the merits of our arrangements. But for context, I was the higher earner for 10 years. He is now the higher earner (marginally). We've taken even amount of personal spending since we bought a house together - previously he had more disposable income than me because I had more bills, despite my higher income (previous house was mine, he rented a cheap room and then moved in with me - he paid towards bills/food but I still paid the majority/mortgage).

Husband has had a payrise and is irate that the extra money is going straight to the joint account and he's seeing no benefit of the payrise. I've said he is seeing the benefit as we can afford to pay our ever increasing bills, and he still has a hefty amount of personal spending. He says he's broke.

I've suggested we BOTH take extra spending money and reduce our budget for food shopping, or savings, or cut something else from the household budget, if he feels that strongly that he has no money.

My AIBU: Is £550/month spending money per person a lot?

YABU: you can't survive on that amount of personal spending, increase it.

YANBU: That's plenty, he needs to address his own spending habits before taking more from the family money.

DH and I have 300 quid each per month, I call it the Mistress Money. I spend mine on clothes and hair / facials etc, he spends his on books and beers out with this mates. Travel costs come from the family money.

For reference, I earn 40K and he earns about 5 times that and we both take the same 300 quid.

If we want to feel rich we look at our investments! That's where most of it goes.

Definitely demotivating to get a pay rise and not feel the benefit but you are not financially abusing or controlling him as I saw a poster suggest! He was perfectly happy to have equal personal expenditure when you were the higher earner but not the other way round? I think either you both get extra or neither. And yes, £550 each is adequate!

@PandaPacer crikey, a household income of over £200,000 and you're only taking £300 each?! You're much more frugal than us! (In this regard!)

That’s the thing when you’re in a relationship, maybe have a child together too, the purse strings, are more likely to be tighter, because it’s not just about you anymore, it’s down to higher overheads.Personally l don’t think this is controlling, in many relationships, it can fall on one person to budget finances, because it just works out that way, some people are good with managing their money and others struggle.As far as financial abuse(l do understand that can happen)Personally, I really don’t think it’s happening in this case, far from it.

I had to vote YANBU but I actually think you're both living in a dream world. Who the heck has a disposable income of £1100 these days but can't pay their food bills?! I don't get it. Surely you pay all your bills then divide what's left. If one of you needs more money then you're living beyond your means

i have been married for 20 year and we have fully joint money. We just passively aggressively spend more money if we feel the other isn’t being fair, until we have no money and both have to stop…it doesn’t really happen that frequently.

Ours is £400k and we take £200 each 🙀

Get a divorce like everyone else 🙄

I’m another who thinks it’s ample. I have less than that to live on after bills are paid, including food shopping for me and DD. I don’t see myself as a low earner (NHS professional. I am entitled to UC but like, a meagre amount each month).

The real issue here is his lack of compromise. The expectation that when you were the higher earner, it was split equally but now with his pay rise, he wants to keep it. ‘What’s your’s is mine and what’s mine is mine’. COL means prices have increased for everyone and he shouldn’t be stamping his feet that it means he sees less frivolous spending! He needs to give his head a wobble. Taking lunch from home would save a fortune. I have a colleague who complains he’s ‘skint’ all the time but he spends £5 a day on lunch at work! My worry for you is that he’s stubborn about it, won’t review the budget. He expects you to sort it so that he gets what he wants.

We do exactly the same ever since we got married (different amount but other than that it's exactly the same, even the way our lunches work). The only thing we have done differently is that it's not a fixed sum but rather a fraction of our total combined net income (rounded down to the nearest £50). This means that if we get a pay rise (or NI cut for example) then our "pocket money" goes up too. We review the fraction at significant life events (having a baby for example) to make sure the balance is still right. (I shan't comment on if £550 is enough / lots / too little as that is a very personal circumstances type of thing and partially down to what you're used to)

Sounds like plenty to me, but if he genuinely feels that he is broke it may be worth going through what he is spending it on and see if there is anything he can/wants to cut out?

This is the kind of setup I want to implement, all bills etc are in the joint account and we put half each, but what's left over we don't have a specific system with, but as DH is self employed his income varies so not sure how to set this up.

I’m not sure how I’d spend that much each month unless I went on holiday a lot!! What do you spend it on? I’m intrigued!!

totally missed the actual point of your original message but still genuinely intrigued.

It’s outrageous to suggest you’re broke with that amount of money left over after all bills, including food have been paid.

OP he's being a bit greedy. Increases need to cover household bills and savings before increasing personal spending. Increasing just personal spending is a short term way of him thinking.
Presumably you didn't penalise him when you owned your own home and earned more, you shared?
A discussion about the longer term financial strategy for your partnership and household needs to happen. To plan for your joint future.

To be honest, you both need a sense of perspective. Many, many people have a total income that isn't much higher than your personal spending money. If you really can't manage on pocket money of £550 a month, maybe you need to have a look at your lifestyles, or even consider cutting back and using some of that money to help others who are less well off.
Just to put my situation, when both me and DW were working, we had less than that between us for trivial spending. We are now retired and such amounts are pie in the sky.

My husband and I have 75k coming in every year but we only take £100 each per month for personal spending.

YANBU. We do the same and have done for 5 years now, I was the higher earner to start but DH earns significantly more than me now that children have come along and I am part time. We treat everything as family money and take £400 each as personal spends. Any thing for the kids or any work expenses come from the joint account. The £400 is purely for fun. I do the budgeting and we try to sit down monthly to review, but often it’s left to me. We have never had to increase the £400pcm, I think DH saved the majority of his, whereas I have a horse so…

I might have missed it, but where do you live? Money is not equal across the country - when we lived in London we had twice that each but it didn't feel like a fortune. Now in Bristol, its easier to stretch what we have.
I know you've said he isn't interested in the household budget but he has to be, if he's unhappy with the amount he gets. This sounds like a planned sit down to discuss what you have coming in, how you spend it all and what things look like going forward. That includes a look at personal spending - previously we would always forget that I had a long tube journey while my husband had a two stop overground trip which was loads cheaper and he often cycled it. We were assigning equal travel money but the reality was mine were much higher, but as I tapped in and out I just sort of didn't notice without sitting down and really looking. Once we dug in, we changed things up as really, I was getting less with higher work travel costs.

Money is not equal across the country - when we lived in London we had twice that each but it didn't feel like a fortune

A lot of things are often cheaper in London (eg council tax, public transport), and there's more free things to do (free museums, street entertainment etc). Plus things like eating and drinking out, are often comparable in other large cities.

Work travel costs should come from the joint account unless someone is taking the extravagant option, eg taxis when not needed, or driving a car that is more expensive to buy or run than necessary.

What the fuck are you blowing £500 a month on? Is this some kind of stealth brag? I barely have £5, never mind £50 or £500 'personal spends' a month. Jeeze

£550 each per month?
I live on this amount including my bills, but i do not have a mortgage and i dont go without!

It's not about the amount, it's about the principle. Should the DH get more fun money because he earns more ?

The only way the amount is relevant is the fact that £550 per month should be more than enough for most people for fun stuff.

It isn't hard.
This weekend I've spent £8 on parking, £50 on bedding plants, £6.99 on a magazine, £12 on tights. During the week I'll probably spend £6.60 on coffees, £30 at a work leaving do. £80 admittedly that isn't there every week, but I reckon I spend £40-£50 a week on basic personal spends. On top if that £250pcm (different things every month) goes on my hair, clothes (full time job), make-up, a modest social life.

I appreciate that could be cut back if I was skint, but I'm not. Neither am I particularly extravagant. Others will beg to differ but when you aren't skint and there's enough coming in, I'd say £500 a month is pretty normal.

It’s a lovely amount to have. This is exactly what we do and it works perfectly.

donate the extra to charity, you’ve both got an obscene amount of spare cash to blow so stop being so self centred and selfish and do some good with it.