£550 personal spending per month

[PersonalSpending]

I absolutely don't think I'm being unreasonable, but just venting - so I'll be shocked if people tell me I am.
If I am then I can look at adjustments.

My husband and I divide our money by each taking £550 a month spending money. This amount doesn't include work travel, household bills, family savings, mobile phone bills etc. It is literally our own to do what we like with - we can choose to save for bigger personal purchases, gym membership, hobbies, or blow it all on eating out etc. We do also buy work lunches out of this, but can choose to bring lunch in from home so we don't have to spend this.
All the rest of the money goes into our joint account for bills/savings/food etc.

I'm not here to discuss the merits of our arrangements. But for context, I was the higher earner for 10 years. He is now the higher earner (marginally). We've taken even amount of personal spending since we bought a house together - previously he had more disposable income than me because I had more bills, despite my higher income (previous house was mine, he rented a cheap room and then moved in with me - he paid towards bills/food but I still paid the majority/mortgage).

Husband has had a payrise and is irate that the extra money is going straight to the joint account and he's seeing no benefit of the payrise. I've said he is seeing the benefit as we can afford to pay our ever increasing bills, and he still has a hefty amount of personal spending. He says he's broke.

I've suggested we BOTH take extra spending money and reduce our budget for food shopping, or savings, or cut something else from the household budget, if he feels that strongly that he has no money.

My AIBU: Is £550/month spending money per person a lot?

YABU: you can't survive on that amount of personal spending, increase it.

YANBU: That's plenty, he needs to address his own spending habits before taking more from the family money.

He was happy to enjoy the arrangement when you were the higher earner. Yanbu

I wouldn't say £500/month on non-essentials was "loads". I've never felt inclined to work out what I spend on this kind of stuff, but I imagine it's more than £550/month.

Beyond that, OP I'm not really sure what you're saying or what he's saying. From your first post I thought you meant he felt he deserved more than an equal share, but from subsequent posts, that's not what he was saying. It sounds like he just wanted a general rant about none of the extra earnings feeding through into extra spending power, rather than expecting you to change anything? If so, that's fair - it's not rare to grumble to ones spouse or partners about things which they aren't responsible for and which can't be changed, no different to moaning to them about someone annoying at work or similar.

I don't get this. £550 disposable income/month and yet you're worried that he will moan that between the two of you are not enough saving to buy a washing machine when it breaks? 😮

I have £50 disposable income/month (if I am lucky). However, if things need replacing and they are just under £1k, my husband and I won't bat an eye lid or moan about it.

£550 is plenty, and you should both have the same

can you tell us what he spends it on, so we can help advise how he can cut down.
the idea about cheaper coffees is a great idea, but only works if he gets a Costa coffee every day

It's not fair to change the system now that he's earning more.

What is he spending his money on?

Hmmm we do similar with a similar amount although our personal spending money wouldn't cover things like gym membership or regular hobby expenses, they come under bills.

We've been taking the same figure each for years now despite inflation and many promotions and pay raises in the meantime but just recently we've agreed to increase it by an extra €30 each a week because everything has gone up so much in the last 2 years.

I think with joint accounts it's very important to be on the same page and compromise where you can. My husband and I are both pretty relaxed when it comes to money so there's never any arguments. It would drive me mad if I needed extra money for something and was scolded and told my current allowance should be enough.

Can you afford to spend a bit more? Save less? If things are tight then it's obviously a different story but if it's not money that's needed elsewhere then I would compromise.

I have no idea what he spends it on, it's his money and I don't get involved!

I assume he's buying a lot of snacks/lunches at work. Beyond that, no idea.

I think what you’re doing sounds reasonable (given that he benefited from your higher salary for a while too).

For me, £550 is enough. I completely understand your frustration with him not engaging in budget decisions. YANBU!

Broke? He reckons he's fucking broke? Tell him to cop the fuck on and grow up.

Sounds like he’s just having a general whinge.
Doesn’t sound like he’s asking to you change anything or « solve it »

We have the same set up and when either of us has a bonus or pay rise we split it half into personal spends and half into household spends. That’s just how we’ve always done it.

If there was a large household cost looking (moving house, renovating, new car) it tends to all go on that but generally the 50/50 split of any increase works well.

Having that amount of spending no ey after all bills are paid and he claims he's broke . That's not only ridiculous but very offensive. What kind of world are you both living in when you have to ask if £550 is a reasonable amount? 🙄

I have about £50 personal spending each month, DH the same. If I had £550 a month every month I actually don't know what I'd spend it on! It's loads. I've never had that much spending money a month.

No one is broke with that much “spare” money each month. His bills are all getting paid, he and his family aren’t worrying where their next meal is coming from, that alone makes him a rich man, but on top of that he has £550 to do whatever he wants with. He needs a serious reality check. Entitled and spoilt.

Tough one. DP has around 1500 disposable a month, and feels absolutely skint for it. I have around 5k ish usually and it goes absolutely nowhere. So depending on your lifestyle I can see why he would feel this way. Why so strict on “allowances” though?

It depends on your lifestyles as to whether that's a lot or not.

My partner spends £200 a month just on steak, so he'd be complaining £550 wasn't enough for him.

Does he need to do that, no. Does he work ridiculously hard and deserve to put his hard earned money into what he wants as we can easily afford to, absolutely.

I think this is unfair, actually. Not offensive as it’s all relative. Myself and DP can certainly feel very broke at times (see above). We are both from council estates and have obviously had less money before. But it’s all relative to lifestyle.

But this is really important to know, as it is family money first and foremost, and then personal spending.

what on earth is he spending £550 on a month that isn’t enough?
Golf fees, crafting stuff, new motor bikes or cycling gear ?

he needs to explain, and justify, if he wants a bigger share of the family money

Is he gambling, spending on debt, fancy shoes that cost £200 a pair?

he needs to give good reason why this huge amount of money isn’t enough

I haven’t read the whole thread but maybe a new rule/custom? The first pay with that extra raise money goes to the one who got the raise… then after that it gets lumped into the pot.

I can understand how he’s feeling. It’s a bit psychological but by lumping in the extra right away to life, it sucks the fun out of getting a raise.

For full disclosure, my DH and I have a similar custom with my bonus (he doesn’t get one). I immediately put the money into a separate savings for oh shit moments and holidays. But I buy a pair of fun and moderately expensive shoes from that money that I wouldn’t normally spend the money on.

It works for us. I guess if I was a nicer person I would give him an equivalent amount. But he’s never asked and truthfully I haven’t thought of it before just now 😳

I could have written this post in the past OP. my STBXH and I had very similar views to you and your DH. I managed all of the budgeting because he had no interest in it. He felt the amount of disposable cash we'd agreed wasn't enough and left him feeling broke, I felt it was plenty.
One of the many reasons we separated last year was that he sold 'his' car (paid for from our joint account) and then spent the money on a new gym frame and equipment without talking to me about it. This is just for him and of no interest to anyone else in the family. I could have supported this had we not had a list of maintenance jobs on our house that needed doing that we could have spent the money on.
Now he's having to run his own single household he's discovering just how much everything in life actually costs. I find it hard to be hopeful that people with this "what's mine is mine and what's yours is ours" attitude can really ever shift to seeing things more fairly.
And YANBU with £550

550 quid is peanuts to many and a lot to many more than that

Its all relative and an irrelevant question EG - if you have friends/family that wine and dine a few times a month in nice places in London. Then that alone will cost you more than 550 - I hope you note my point

It’s all relative, we have 1k each per month ‘spend’ after bills savings etc however that increases when either one of us gets a pay rise. I would recalculate your monthly spenditure with the rise and if there’s anything left divide equally. You are a partnership and it should be equal regardless

Wow wish i had £550 a month to spend on myself i end up with 250 and thats with out food shopping

Only the Excel spreadsheet can answer ....

But seriously, you got married. You should be a team with joint plans and goals.

And aren't you looking at this the wrong way?

Once married, shouldn't you deduct the mortgage and bills, including food, and then look at social subscriptions, such as gym and clubs.

And then you have the disposable income for both of you.

You might want to save money for a shared goal like moving home or having children or a pet mouse or a holiday.

You brought the biggest asset into the marriage - but you married him - it's now a shared asset (also if you divorce).

So what do you want for your married life in 5 and 10 years time?

Tbh, if I bought an asset like a house into the marriage, I'd be looking to upgrade the house if there are now two incomes. Because the bigger the property the more it increases in value proportionately.