I know IABU - gender disappointment

[Bananabreadandstrawberries]

I have a 1yo son, and have just found out that I am now pregnant with a girl.

I had somehow imagined that this pregnancy would be a boy too, and being so close in age they would be able to play together, share clothes/toys/bedroom.

I also adore my son so much and really just want another one of him! Which I know is totally unreasonable.

I am grateful to be pregnant with a healthy child and am sure I will love this one just as much. Tbh I worry more about parenting a girl, life is trickier in many ways in my experience.

Does anyone have any good points of a boy/girl close in age?

He'll be a protective older brother and always look after her 😊

YANBU. I have two girls but I would have had strong disappointment at a boy.

Your feelings and concerns are absolutely valid, although I will say I don’t think girls are harder than boys or vice versa. All children are individuals.

They will still be able to play together.

I have boy/girl twins and found they played together and enjoyed the same toys and shared a room fine.

It is possible for boys and girls to play together! And unisex clothes are a possibility!

You imagined one thing, but a different (equally good) thing is happening - just enjoy. Your feelings will pass.

My close in age boy then girl played together brilliantly. They had a little gap when in early teens and now in late teens are very close again.

I wanted boys too, but my son and daughter are two years apart and have always been best friends (and stood up for each other at school) - now 20 and 22 and still close.

Two girls that close in age may have felt in competition particularly in the teenage years. Hopefully you’ll get less fighting because they are different sexes.

I have one of each, it’ll be a total non issue once she’s here. A ‘theoretical baby’ is always vvvv different to a real one.

YANBU. When pregnant with DC2 I really wanted another girl, not because I didn't want a boy but because I already had a girl and I felt like it would be easier.

Your feelings will pass when she's born!

I grew up with a brother 2 years older than me. We played together fine. Argued and squabbled too but that’s normal.

Wow, thank you everyone for being so kind!!

I was expecting to get roasted a bit for having these feelings at all.

I was told my second was a girl (already had a DD), so it was a shock when he turned out to be a boy! They are two years apart and even now as teenagers they play together and have each other's backs. I secretly wanted two girls, but really you get over it so quickly. I don't even think about it now.

I have 3, a DD and 2 DS's all adults now. Maybe I've been lucky, but other than the usual childhood squabbles, they're all the best of friends, and always were. Tbh the worst arguments and tension have been between the two DSs, and if I had to call it, would say they're probably both closer to DD than to each other. Any combination of sexes can be fabulous or challenging dependent on personality and I'm not sure how much impact sex has on how you need to parent (I just blundered along doing my best, same for all, and it worked out OK!)
Now they're adults I think the relationship with sons and daughter are quite different from each other, and I consider it an absolute privelege that my life has brought me the opportunity to experience both.

I had my first two close together and had hoped for same sex as I wanted them to enjoy the same close sister relationship I have with mine , but had a girl then boy. There’s 18 months between them, they are in their twenties now and have always been the best of friends, they share the same friendship group, socialise together and refer to each other openly as each others “ favourite person” .
I also have two daughters , different as chalk and cheese, and parenting all three of them has been slightly different ( though all equally amazing .. mostly!) but that’s been down to their personalities rather than their sex in my experience.

Understandable but unnecessary worries I think , congratulation's on your baby girl x

Op I had this exact situation but I had a girl and wanted another girl.
I envisioned the 'girls' playing together and when I found out it was a boy it was absolute shock.
The longer my pregnancy went on I realised it was actually the fear of the unknown, rather than the sex of the child.
I was used to raising a little girl and all my family had girls. So the thought of everything being different and geared to the opposite sex scared me, especially potty training. And I was also scared they would have nothing in common. It was complete unknown to me.

Needless to say when my boy got here I was over the moon. He and his sister are the best of buddies. They share, play...... and fight like any other siblings. They are absolute double trouble.

Pregnancy is a strange journey. 💖
When she gets here you will melt.

And surprise bonus you don't get sprayed with pee when you change a little girls nappy 😂😂
In all seriousness though just enjoy the journey and try not to stress.

That’s lovely! How long were they happy to share a room for? I like the idea of room sharing when little, I hope it makes them closer.

I think that’s where a lot of second child gender disappointment comes from, not because you don’t want the opposite sex but because you just want a copy of your first child as you love them so much. I was the same, but now my boys here he’s wonderful and I wouldn’t change him. I’ve realised that no matter what the sex they’re not going to be the same child again, they have their own personalities and likes. My dd is an amazing big sister and loves her little brother. Even though he’s a baby they play together and she entertains him.

I have a boy and a girl 10 months apart.

I have one older brother. Its just me and him.

Two years difference.

We have always got on really well

My older brother and I always played with each other. There's 2 years between us.

As long as you don't make a huge fuss about gender or make out that boys and girls should play differently/separately, you should be able to counteract some of the messages they'll get from the wider world about not playing together.

I have a boy and a girl 14 months gap. They’re great . 17 and 18 now and spend a lot of time together.

Yes it was just two in my family. Me and my older brother. We were always close and we always played together.

Gender didn't really matter. There are a lot of things that both genders can do together, board games, outside games.

We are still close to this day. We are in our forties now

My son and daughter have a similar age difference between them. They are now young adults. They always have been and still are very close, had the same wider friend group and now share a house with other friends. When they were small they played together and usually had similar interests / likedbsimilar activities because they were so close in age and development.Of course they do fight and argue but generally always have got on - the teenage period was horrific for me because they backed each other up no matter how unreasonable.
I would really not focus too much on the whole gender issue - they can still play with the same toys, read the same books etc.

Thank you for such a kind and thoughtful post. I think this is exactly it! You are lovely and your children sound wonderful x

I also worry about having to parent a girl through puberty/teenage/relationships/body image, as my own mum avoided discussing these entirely.