I know IABU - gender disappointment

[Bananabreadandstrawberries]

I have a 1yo son, and have just found out that I am now pregnant with a girl.

I had somehow imagined that this pregnancy would be a boy too, and being so close in age they would be able to play together, share clothes/toys/bedroom.

I also adore my son so much and really just want another one of him! Which I know is totally unreasonable.

I am grateful to be pregnant with a healthy child and am sure I will love this one just as much. Tbh I worry more about parenting a girl, life is trickier in many ways in my experience.

Does anyone have any good points of a boy/girl close in age?

Same! I phoned a friend and got her mum to tell mine! 🙈Any worries will evaporate with your DD OP. Honestly you won’t get any privacy!

The thing is, your second baby isn't just "a girl". She's a whole little person with a personality you haven't met yet and haven't got to know. My daughter (oldest) and two sons always got on well, shared toys and clothes and probably the one thing my daughter isn't is a pink princess, because she always had unisex clothes so they could be passed down. You can't beat Lego and Brio for all round enjoyment on the toy front!

Who told you boys and girls dont play together?

I think what you're feeling is really common OP - more than people like to admit. But going from 1 child to 2 is a big thing. I think most mothers worry whether they can love another child like their first born, and there's some comfort in thinking that if you have another of the same sex you'll be getting more of the same and you'll know what you're doing.
Of course that's not true - I have a girl, quite a big gap,then 2 boys very close together and they are all completely different! So even if you were having another boy there's no guarantee that he would be similar to or even enjoy the same things as your first DS.
My Mum gave me a very good piece of advice when I was having DS1 after DD and having a similar panic about whether I could love a boy like I loved DD. She said not to worry, you don't need to share your love between your children, every baby brings it's own.
You'll be fine OP. You're experiencing normal emotions and like most of us, it's almost certain that you will adore your little girl just as much as your DS.

This is such a perfect explanation. Knowing we were only ever going to have one child, when we found out the sex there was no jumping for joy happiness, it was a strange feeling of loss. Up to that point you had kind of imagined both and it felt like loss of the other one. Both of us ever felt we had a genuine preference and both said we couldn’t explain or describe the feeling when we found out, as we wouldn’t have preferred the other sex at all.

YANBU. I went abroad to do gender selection. It’s a genuine option.

I understand, for a long time I felt like I didn't want another child because I couldn't imagine them being as perfect as my DS. Even writing it down now makes it look absurd. It's natural to just want more of what you have. But of course you know that a boy would have been his own person, too. Maybe this way it's easier to accept and see your new child as a whole new and beautiful person.

If it's any consolation my mum was desperate for, and got, a little sister for me because she wanted us to be close. And we have never got on, barely speak as adults. So try not to think of what you've "lost" as it was never a guarantee. Think instead of what you have - a beautiful lovely new person to add to your family !

I would be the opposite! Have a little boy, pregnant and hoping for a girl! I think once they're born you just love them so much you do get over it. Starting to buy little things for them helps too.

Congratulations and I hope the pregnancy goes really well! I’ll start buying little things!

I have a boy (7) and girl (5). They are both fab in their own ways and very different (as I am sure they would be if they were the same sex!). They play together, they enjoy some things that are the same, and some that are different. They both keep me on my toes and bring so much joy (and frustration).

When I was pregnant with DD I found it hard to imagine having anything other than another boy, simply because that was what I knew. Although I had no preference. I was surprised and delighted to deliver a baby girl.

Enjoy your children for who they are, they will be wonderful regardless.

Before we get pregnant, we have an idealised version in our heads about what pregnancy will be like, maternity leave, what our family will look like. I think most women will agree reality is very different and you have to quickly adapt your preconceptions.

Even if you had the genders you wanted, the boys wouldn't turn out the way you imagined. They are individuals and the beauty about having kids is about seeing them grow up and become their own people. This is what your family was meant to be.

If it's any consolation, my brother gets along much better with both me and my sister than my sister and I have ever got along with each other.

Even if you had another boy, there's a good chance boy number two would be absolutely nothing like boy number one. I know a set of identical twin boys who fucking hate each other and haven't spoken in years, so it wouldn't a guarantee that your kids would adore each other even if they were both boys.

I have an older son and younger daughter, and they are so close as adults that they are currently renting a house together. Children don't have to be of the same sex to have a close relationship.

My brother is 18 months younger than me and has been and is my lifelong best friend :)

There is 14 months between me and my brother and we were so close as kids and he's my absolute best friend now as adults. I think there's something very special about a brother/sister relationship that you don't get with 2 boys or 2 girls. It's like there's not the competitiveness and fighting that comes with the same sex sibling rivalry. I literally think you have it perfect having the boy slightly older because they tend to mature a little slower so they'll essentially be the same age through most of their childhood. YANBU to have these feelings though just try to think of all the positives.

Totally agree, this is why I don't really agree with finding out what you're having before. You're upset about the idea you have in your head but when that little bundle is in your arms the love you feel comes whatever it is and you don't have that disappointment.

I love having a best girl and a best boy. If anything they will be less competitive.

There's no reason why they can't play together or share clothes.

My son and daughter have always done that.

And they adore each other.

Not negative, realistic.
Not all siblings get on. AIBU is proof

It's just that you had formed an expectation almost of having 2 boys and now you have to readjust, it feels like losing that little fantasy you had of two brothers. The reality may have been that you had your two boys and they hated each other! You'll be fine once you start looking at the perks of having a girl.

Enormous range of adorable baby clothes

Not a logistical nightmare to take swimming when they're too big for the ladies room.

Not finding random peepee teepees down the side of the sofa.

Whole new range of names to choose from that you never considered before.

Seeing your DH with a bunch of clips and ribbons in his hair (hide the scissors) and possibly glittery makeup on.

Girls mature faster which results in some truly hilarious 'from the mouths of babes' moments.

Be nice to yourself, it's not like you don't want her. You're just missing the little boy you thought you might get. Give yourself some time to absorb it and you'll find yourself just as excited.

Having one of each is the best 😊

There's 22 months between mine; they're now 8 and 6 and are the best of friends. In fact, my DS (6) actually wrote "You're my best friend" in DD's recent birthday card. ❤️

One thing that I think it has benefited is that they both equally enjoy playing with friends of both sexes (in fact sometimes I think they prefer playing with the opposite sex) and can more easily adapt their style of play. I hope this will bode well for getting along with different types of people when older.

In fact, one of DS's (female) friends recently told her mum that he was the only boy she liked playing with. He is definitely very popular with the girls in his class! 😁