To not socialise with my colleagues.....I'm the manager.

[CrispyTofu]

I manage a small team of NHS Healthcare Professionals. I have never suggested nights out or meet ups outside of work whilst I've been in this Team.

It has been suggested to me recently that this is an issue for some of the team and that they would like to have team evenings out. Some of the team stated that they would feel better supported, more included and happier in the job if team outings were included.

We work in a very difficult field, where staff turnover can be high (this isn't an issue for my team currently nor has it ever been an issue), however it is something I have to be mindful of and we have additional wellbeing support due to the nature of the job.

The issue is, although I really like my colleagues, I don't want to socialise with them outside of work. AIBU to not arrange nights out or attend any? Or do I need to just get on with it and arrange something on a regular or not so regular basis?

I've previously managed two similar sized teams in the NHS - in one, we'd go out for a Christmas meal and to celebrate significant life events - big birthdays, going on maternity leave etc - usually a meal after work. In the other team we tended to go and do an activity we all enjoyed together 3 or 4 times a year at a weekend - e.g. bowling and lunch.

I think it depends on what the expectation is. If they want to do something every week, or even every month, then YANBU, but if it's a couple of times a year (perhaps after an away day, or a meal and drinks at Christmas), then I think you are being a bit dickish.

We are a really close team but a bit bigger
Usually we do with manager

Christmas work do (manager comes to the meal and leaves before the bar crawl starts!)
The odd "it's sunny, let's have a pint after work, I will pay" where he will come for one drink and pay for the first round
Then probably every 4 months or so we have a team pub meal straight after work

Outside of that we have smaller groups of us that socialise separately without manager

Interesting question

My manager actively avoids all socialising outside of work and to be honest I find it a bit rude

Yes, I get it that he thinks we might want to occasionally let off steam and chat without him there (which is why he doesn't join is), but instead I just get the impression he's not interested in us people

As an NHS manager though I don't think the onus is on you to organise nights out/pay for drinks or co-ordinate the social aspect of work. I appreciate this is different in the private sector. I would rather have a supportive manager who was flexible and empathetic when necessary.

I would have a team event/team night out. Just suggest that you have a regular get together maybe once a quarter and ask for suggestions- you don't have to be the one organising it but you should go tbh.
I tend to think of them as part of work rather than something out of choice - its part of building team spirit /morale.
We tend to do things as more of a department rather than team which makes it easier as its bigger and would include people i don't directly manage (as well as people on my level)- is that an option?

Thank you, yes I do think healthcare is vastly different to the private sector in regards to this.

I think the consensus is that I should go and I will.

I feel that I am a very supportive manager in work, I allow more time for extra training, emotional support and wellbeing sessions than most other NHS teams I know. We also have a yearly away day which is practically unheard of in my sector. I am supportive of adjustments and personally cover for any staff needing a break for any reason. However, I realise that perhaps they need more than this and it looks like that is something social. I already work many hours extra every week (unpaid) and sometimes I just feel like I have given so much of myself to work that I don't want it to give up an evening to. However, I recognise that if my team need this then I should do it and perhaps look at it more positively.

This.
I'm public sector, and we tend to go for a meal at some point in lieu of Christmas, and then if someone is leaving the team.
It isn't down to the Manager to arrange it though - one of the team volunteers.

If they want a night out then they should organise a night out.

It's not your job to facilitate their social lives.

I haven't socialised with line reports ever since I became a manager. It's just not appropriate.

You can be friendly but you are not their friends.

This

@NewName24 @MinervaMcGonagallsCat @Idontjetwashthefucker Thank you

“Some of the team stated that they would feel better supported, more included and happier in the job if team outings were included.”

Do people really need a team outing in their own time to be better supported? I don’t see why you need to give up your free time if you don’t want to.

See also:- forced fun at team building events.

This was my initial thought to.

If there is only four of them why on earth can’t they organise it themselves?

maybe do a Christmas drinks but really, are they grown adults or not ?

YABU if you've had feedback from your team that they would like to do this then you should arrange something.
These kinds of events are important for team building and morale. Just because you don't need it doesn't mean others in the team wouldn't find it valuable.
Surely you can spare two evenings a year to go out for dinner or drinks after work? I don't think it needs to be any more than that.
Also in my team we have done lunches out or finished early and all gone for a walk and coffee.

Why is it up to her to organise it? If they want to socialise then they can. They can ask her if she wants to go and if she says no she doesn't want to think about work outside work then that's fine. I don't see why she should be the one organising anything.

It's the person with the bright idea of the event that should be organising it.

Definetly this. They seem quite needy. No doubt if u did organise something they would be complaining that they had to go to work event outside hours. I honestly wouldn't bother. Encourage them to go out themselves.

As a manager I don't see team nights as socialising. I see it was working in the evening and - imo - it's time well spent. An investment into a happier and therefore better team.

Yes I have said that I will if I have to. Due to the nature of the job we can't go out for lunch or finish early unfortunately, so we are limited to evenings or weekends really

If I'm honest, this is how I feel. However, I can see that many people feel I should go and maybe they are right. I like my colleagues but I also like to keep work separate from my life outside of work. This is one of my coping mechanisms, but maybe I need to rethink this.

This is helpful thank you, perhaps I need to view it this way. Do you mind sharing what sector you work in? I feel like there may be a difference in view points between private sector and NHS.

You give the role of social secretary to someone ( the extrovert party animal usually). Let them organise nights out etc.
You just have to make the right noises appear keen but ..... You just never actually go.
Or just go to a nice meal out once.
This is how it has worked most places I have worked.
Honestly just deligate it.

Do you mind sharing what sector you work in? I feel like there may be a difference in view points between private sector and NHS.

Weirdly I work in IT but in healthcare (ie a hospital trust)

I'm a manager and totally anti-social. The others go out together regularly and always ask me and a couple of others to go and I always say "nope. I'm anti-social and you know it". I've known them long enough (8 years most of them) to be able to do that.
We do have a couple of "team" dos during the year though. A cheese and wine, and a curry. Me and the other managers organise that.

I find the whole refusing to socialise with colleagues outside of work thing a bit miserable tbh, they're just people. Although lots of people seem to have this mindset.

But I guess it depends on the team. Some colleagues are chatty and get along well. You'd be a party pooper to not get along. If it's a team where people barely talk it's understandable. In the NHS I'd imagine it's the former?