Is this the norm when taking driving lessons?

[Heartbeats18]

Arghh I need to rant. Am I in the wrong for feeling like this? What would you do?

So I have been learning to drive since February. In march my instructor told me to book my test. I booked it for July.
Anyway he asked what day my test was and I told him again and he told me today he has booked a holiday and won't be here for my test date but he will try and get someone to cover it for me or I can take it in my own car. At the end of the lesson he said he didn't think I was ready and I need to change the date. I said okay I don't feel ready anyway as I don't feel I'm learning much, I haven't done test routes and I have only practiced a manoeuvre once ( he said they only form a few minutes of the test route so I dont need to learn them yet ) He then proceeded to tell me a 'story' of a girl who he had worked with who he told to change her test date but the mistake he made was that he told her at the beginning of the lesson so she was in a mood and made silly mistakes but the week after she had a brilliant lesson and in time she was ready for her test. I felt like it was about me but didn't say anything. I also hadn't felt in a mood until he said this.

All he does is talk to me about his personal life. He asked me do I like his hair midway through driving, I said I have never noticed it. He said he always wears a cap and people presume he is bald but he's not. I replied yeah you clearly have hair.
One time I got into the car and he was no joke sat there oiling his arms up for a few minutes as he had just been the gym and he said they were sore.

He asked did I like the 80's music he had put on and I said I like any music really but yeah it's good, I previously had told him I loved 80's. He then said or do you prefer this and turned it off so I said I enjoy silence especially when I have two kids at home who are never quiet, I said plus I like it being quiet as it mimics the conditions of a driving test.

I feel stuck with him as hes the only instructor who can do a 7 am slot but I'm not learning much. What would you do??

Many years ago I was being taught by an instructor who was a friend of my dads. He was such a letch, a vile middle aged, short fat bastard. He used to ask me to wear a skirt for the lessons, I said I don’t own one I’m a tomboy, vile, vile man. He made so many dirty innuendos, it was awful.

I found someone else, I couldn’t cope with him. I daren’t tell my dad the truth at first, but he accused me of lacking moral fibre, a favourite saying of his, so my mum put him in the picture. He gave his so called friend a good old bollocking, and the friendship was no more.

Dump this guy! He sounds like my awful driving instructor who drove me round and round the same roads for 2 years, never once told me to look in a mirror and only wanted to talk about Chelsea football team. When I finally got the confidence to ditch him after failing my test for never looking in a mirror, I found a new driving instructor who was a bit of a geezer, laughed at all my mistakes, smoked like a chimney out of the window (this was many years ago!) and got me through my test in two months. Some people are just rubbish teachers.

I had 4 different instructors in the eighties when I was learning.the first one was taking clothes off me instead of money( I was a very small time fashion designer she wasnt actually taking my clothes off!)she had me driving places for her own benefit, popping in shops, to friends etc.had loads of lessons , but didn't feel I learnt anything. Changed to a guy who I didn't gel with.couldnt understand his explanations.changed to a woman who was new to teaching and very nervous so made me feel nervous.changed to a young, cheerful guy and suddenly I was able to understand and he got me through my test...After 75 lessons!

he will try and get someone to cover it for me or I can take it in my own car.
Don't. If you turn up in your own car, you will almost certainly fail.
The examiner will think you've not been to a driving instructor.

You need a new instructor. One you have good rapport with.

I had one of these called John, wore tinted glasses, bit creepy, (recommended), would reach right across me to make sure my door was closed properly, wanted to adjust my seat belt, making me feel uncomfortable, shudder, then 3rd time out dropped his moist hand on my thigh, moved my thin summer dress higher, we were in the middle of the countryside, unfamiliar, then a pub! I pulled into the car park, John said what you doing where are you going, I said, into the pub to call the police, I jumped out ran into pub, called husband, John drove off with screaming tyres. His wife came to pick up the lesson fee, my husband told her why we were not paying but she wouldn’t believe it, said I was making it up.
A few years later we read he had been prosecuted for assaulting a young lady learner then of course many others spoke up.

The only thing I learnt really was that close proximity causes some men to lose their sense.
I then had a proper instructor who used to sing ‘Jesus wants me for a Sunbeam’
when he felt I was going too fast (31mph) then when my test was booked he was
on holiday so passed me on to a colleague, 2 lessons then drive to the test, I learnt more in those 3 times than I ever had with 3x creepy John and 8? MrX, passed first time.
Then started to shake so he drove me home.
You will be fine, as posters have said here, you need to be comfortable, confident, driving the test route, not tootling around country lanes or listening to DI nonsense
who is the customer ?! good luck !

@Heartbeats18 I am a trainee driving instructor and remain professional and calm in lessons. There should be no negativity, no distractions, no personal comments, no invasion of personal space and no discriminatory comments about other drivers. The most important person in the car is the learner. Instructors should dress and behave professionally, and not waste valuable time and their clients' money banging on about themselves. I used to be a schoolteacher and there are teachers like your instructor, too. Singing their own praises to a captive audience. Sharing personal information that no-one asked for. Ditch him and find someone else.

It is not the case that you are more likely to fail in your own car. I teach many learners who want to take the test in their own car, in an area I don't cover, for example. You fail if you do not meet the standard. You are not penalised for using your own car. Just make sure it meets all the requirements for the test (check on gov.uk for this).

@kay1bee , it's been a while since I failed my test, and I can assure you that both I and my mum knew I'd failed before I got in the car.
The car was fine.

Oh dear, what a horrible set of stories about the industry I’ve chosen!

I was told when I was training that I’d always be busy, female driving instructors always are. And looking at these stories I completely understand why.

Just in reply to those who think you should just be doing test routes, you shouldn’t. Examiners know exactly which instructors only do test routes and they don’t look at it favourably. Reason being is you aren’t just learning to drive to pass a test, you need to be confident in as many situations as your instructor can present you with as that’s real life driving. I’ll do different towns (strangely enough towns have very different driving experiences) as well as the test town, rural roads including single track, dual carriageways etc. I even teach them how to use a petrol pump.

Most of my learners prefer very low volume radio on, so music is allowed, but it’s got to be what suits.

I say to all of my students that they are paying me, so if they want to try something different or have an issue that they need to speak to me. But I’ve also got to ensure we’ve got the rapport for them to feel able to do so. I get the feeling that some of these instructors don’t have the interpersonal skills to form that working relationship. I know I’d be gutted to see a story written above and think it was about me! It’d be a massive failure on my part to read the situation and the relationship between my student and I.

My son just passed after 8 weeks with a fantastic female instructor who im now busy recommending to everyone. In the naughties my driving instructor used me as his personal chauffer and we always did parking practice in Tesco so he could go in and buy whisky.

I'm sorry to hear that. That is not the norm. That would be discriminatory and that is not acceptable. All of my learners who have presented themselves for test in their own car, after having had lessons with me, have passed.

Hear, hear! We need more female DIs! We have to try to change people's perception of the industry, one learner at a time... I don't hear of any stories of creepy lecherous DIs these days (pretty much every one of my female friends had horrid experiences in the 80s, myself included), but there are some time-wasters out there. Extraordinary, when you think they have had to work hard to pass their part 3 (if, indeed, they have). Perhaps the OP should check they are a bona fide DI...? Are they displaying their licence in the windscreen? It's against the law not to.
I teach mine to fill up with fuel, too, and we cover every type of road we can, and go to towns which have more choice of roundabouts and learning opportunities that our town doesn't. We do not teach to a test; we are helping our learners become safe, reliable drivers for life :-)

Doing the test route helped a lot. Where I did my test had 2 peculiar road layouts (can't say what as it might out me but one was definitely a WTF road layout, and the other logical but unusual). If you came across those you'd probably be surprised.

My second instructor definitely established a good rapport. Encouraged confidence. Took me on dual carriageways etc and encouraged me to hit the speed limit and things.

My experienced driver for practice was, and still is, a good driver. Taught me to anticipate not react.

@kay1bee , back then (maybe not now) they had a percentage they could pass.

It seems more than a coincidence that my local contemporaries had the same story.

What struck me on the test was that due to how we parked at home, there was no way I would have failed on a hill start. I had to do 3 on my first test. I didn't fail on it. I remember thinking 'Why on earth am I doing this again?'

Hello fellow ADI!

A good point, is he even an ADI?

I had a brilliant ex police instructor back in the nineties, he was nothing like the perves talked about here. Seems I was lucky.

I’m glad more women are entering the industry, we need to challenge the idea that driving is more of a masculine activity.

Our nearest test centre is 35 min away, ds only drove in that town/did a test route there once, 2 weeks before his test. If you are ready for your test it is not that important to have driven them. More important to get lots of variety of road practice which is sounds like you are.

If you are not comfortable with or feel your instructor is not competent your only option is to change instructor.

There are a lot of creeps in the driving-instruction profession aren't there?

I'm currently a PDI, getting folk through their test, but haven't managed to pass my part 3 yet.

We have a lot of online training, all given by white, middle-aged men; there needs to be more diversity in those areas, I feel. Some of them are still making inappropriate references and I have complained on many an occasion. It is important to challenge outdated language and practices, and educate those who have 'always done it like this'.

Where is your teaching area? How long have you been an ADI?

In the L test, learners can be asked to move off and stop up to 6 times, in a variety of different areas, gradients, roads, situations. Failure to do effective observations every time will result in a fail (3 faults in the same category is a fail). I know of a learner who was asked to do it 7 times because, each time, she forgot to cancel her left signal and then moved off still signalling left. The examiner gave her plenty of opportunity to remember but had to fail her in the end. It is safety critical if you are signalling left and moving off to the right. Likewise, if a pedestrian has one foot in the road ready to cross and you don't stop for them - fail.

Many people are astonished when they fail, but it is always their fault! We can't dictate how other people drive, but we have to be ready to deal with their behaviour, and drive at a speed which allows us to react appropriately. That's the bottom line.

Far from it @kay1bee , I wasn't astonished at all. As I said, I knew I'd failed before the actual test started.
It didn't do me any harm to have to retake it.

I took my driving test decades ago. I was there, you weren't.

I always say if possible, get a recommendation from someone you know rather than just anyone you find looking them up- I felt a lot better about it after switching to a guy my then-coworker recommended.

I’m in Kent, I have only been an ADI since March, the training process is pretty stressful isn’t it? I felt like I was going to expire with nerves on the part 3. Fingers crossed for you. Where is your teaching area?

Yes lots of white middle aged men, I know what you mean!

My area is Winchester. I love the job! I used to be a teacher, so that's my forte, really. The waiting time for a part 3 is so long! I waited 7 months for mine and failed :-( I'm back on the waiting list...

Ah, you didn't say you took it decades ago. Things have changed massively, so that makes all the difference. It also means that the thing about taking the test in your own car is out of date, of course...

It's a well known perverts job. Mine was a right laugh and I enjoyed the inappropriate banter.

I could be, but imagine if you were an examiner, what would look better:
a. 17-yr old in a not recent Corsa accompanied by her youngish mother
b. 17-yr old in a driving school Fiesta accompanied by a driving instructor

One of them looks like they've had proper lesson, the other doesn't.

If you're paying for lessons, you might as well give that good first impression.