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Original poster

Is this the norm when taking driving lessons?

102 replies

Heartbeats18 · 23/05/2024 09:29

Arghh I need to rant. Am I in the wrong for feeling like this? What would you do?

So I have been learning to drive since February. In march my instructor told me to book my test. I booked it for July.
Anyway he asked what day my test was and I told him again and he told me today he has booked a holiday and won't be here for my test date but he will try and get someone to cover it for me or I can take it in my own car. At the end of the lesson he said he didn't think I was ready and I need to change the date. I said okay I don't feel ready anyway as I don't feel I'm learning much, I haven't done test routes and I have only practiced a manoeuvre once ( he said they only form a few minutes of the test route so I dont need to learn them yet ) He then proceeded to tell me a 'story' of a girl who he had worked with who he told to change her test date but the mistake he made was that he told her at the beginning of the lesson so she was in a mood and made silly mistakes but the week after she had a brilliant lesson and in time she was ready for her test. I felt like it was about me but didn't say anything. I also hadn't felt in a mood until he said this.

All he does is talk to me about his personal life. He asked me do I like his hair midway through driving, I said I have never noticed it. He said he always wears a cap and people presume he is bald but he's not. I replied yeah you clearly have hair.
One time I got into the car and he was no joke sat there oiling his arms up for a few minutes as he had just been the gym and he said they were sore.

He asked did I like the 80's music he had put on and I said I like any music really but yeah it's good, I previously had told him I loved 80's. He then said or do you prefer this and turned it off so I said I enjoy silence especially when I have two kids at home who are never quiet, I said plus I like it being quiet as it mimics the conditions of a driving test.

I feel stuck with him as hes the only instructor who can do a 7 am slot but I'm not learning much. What would you do??

OP posts:
TruJay · 26/05/2024 11:33

Oh this brought back memories of my creepy first instructor, shudder. I was 17 and so excited to start learning. The first lesson we sat and he explained about the car but not important things like checking the oil etc but like what certain parts of the seats were called???? It wasted the majority of a 2hr lesson and the money I’d paid.

He’d pick me up and he’d set up traps in the car, like locking the steering wheel or pulling the handbrake up so high and tight that I couldn’t release either while he’d sit and laugh rather that tell me what I could do to release them. I felt really embarrassed and defeated after that and my mum noticed and asked what was wrong, she immediately told me what to do next time and I hopped in the car and he began ‘well we can’t go anywhere unless we get this steering wheel and handbrake sorted out, so we’ll just be sat here until you figure it out!’ I hopped in the seat and did exactly as my mum told me and set off up the road. He was fuming and it was an awful lesson!

I could always feel him staring at me while driving and I’d hate having to look in the left hand side mirror as I’d catch his stare!

We’d always book the next lesson when I arrived back home when lesson was finished but a few days before my next one, I cancelled saying I was ill (I wasn’t) and I just never booked again and ignored his pestering calls until he got the message. It put me off so much that I didn’t start learning again until I was 23!!

My brother had passed with a female instructor who lived on a family members street, so I booked in with her. She was amazing, I was immediately at ease and she couldn’t believe I hadn’t driven in so long as I was doing great and I was on main roads my second lesson with her. I progressed so easily and at a great rate with her now I felt so much more relaxed and could focus on actually driving.

I passed My theory and practical first time!

Sorry OP that was quite a tangent but please change instructors, you deserve to be supported and comfortable while learning to drive especially when I’ve heard how expensive it is these days. I’ve been driving 13 years now and I love to drive, it’s an invaluable skill to me.

Beautiful3 · 26/05/2024 11:37

I'd change instructor and move rhe test date to August. Gives you more time to practice.

oakleaffy · 26/05/2024 12:13

Change instructors!...I had some useless ones that just talked about non driving stuff...and then had a BSM one and passed first time...as did the other people I knew who had that chap.
When you get a good teacher, you will KNOW it.

bridgetreilly · 26/05/2024 12:32

Definitely change instructors and find one who will let you have the baby in the car.

dicokno · 26/05/2024 12:36

Change instructor.
I did that when I'd had a really bad lesson and ended up crying in the driving school afterwards.
He wanted the radio on really loud and it distracted me (I can't bear the radio on at the best of times). He was also chatting about shit all the time.
And for stuff like reversing into a parking space and parallel parking he wouldn't give me any tips and said you just have to feel it, it's instinct.
But I had NO fucking clue when to start turning the wheel for one of those manouevres.
One lesson with the new instructor and I could do reverse parking and parallel parking as he told me what to look for and how to do them step by step.
Passed my test first time!

Crispsarethebestfood · 26/05/2024 13:18

My first driving instructor used to put his hand on my leg when we drove, which was obviously absolutely bang out of order, but I was 17 and didn’t know what to do about it. I failed my first test and gave up driving until a few years later when a friend passed with an instructor she recommended. I never reported the first instructor which I’m still pissed off with myself about 30 years later. When my daughter wanted lessons I asked around for recommendations but even when she started I remember saying to her ‘if you don’t like him, you don’t even have to know why, if it’s just not right tell me and we can find someone else’. Luckily it was fine. I don’t think there is necessarily a problem with sharing bits of their personal life - my daughter messaged her driving instructor a fortnight after she passed to find out if his granddaughter had got the job she’d been going for because she felt emotionally invested in the story! But you have to feel comfortable. If you don’t, get someone else.

whynotwhatknot · 26/05/2024 13:36

i had a bad instrutor woudl alwasy be late pi cking me up on her phone during my lessons i wasnt getting anywhere-if you dont feel omfortable change or just pratise in your own car hes not helping you in any way

WhamBamThankU · 26/05/2024 13:43

I had a female driving instructor who was amazing, both my friend who used her and I passed first time. Swap instructors and don't feel remotely bad about it.

BloodyHellKenAgain · 26/05/2024 13:44

He sounds like a pita and I'd look for a new instructor if I were you.

As an aside, how in God's name have you managed yo book a test so easily. We can't find one anywhere in the south (apart ftom IOW) until next year. We've booked one for DD over 100 miles away just so we can access the cancellations on the app.

User1979289 · 26/05/2024 13:54

Yeah, he is no good. I have found there are 2 sorts of instructor. 1) a tootler who potters around selling more and more lessons and chatting away 2) the person who is selling 'passes' and advertises on their pass rate. They get you going and on the test routes in a few lessons. You have the former and you need the later.

ChocolateMudcake · 26/05/2024 14:16

I can't remember how quickly I started doing manoeuvres, it's been years since I passed, but it sounds like he's not trying to get you test ready. The main roads my driving instructor took me on were test routes. I probably did at least one manoeuvre a lesson, then other things like roundabouts, traffic lights, different kind of junctions. He should be getting you to a place to be ready for your test, not telling you you're not ready. You might not be, but also he doesn't sound like he's committed to getting you ready.

I know it might be hard to find someone to do the time you need, and maybe you could look at whether there are any other options to help you get an instructor that helps you rather than being stuck with someone who seems to be taking your money and being creepy.

Pozz · 26/05/2024 14:20

Listen to your instincts! Change your instructor, I doubt he's chatting to his male students about his hair styles and oiling himself up. 🤮

My friend's daughter was recently told by her instructor that she wasn't ready to pass but she went ahead with the test and passed first time so go with your gut on that one too.

Good luck 🤞

lhlh · 26/05/2024 14:35

This arm oiling is like a cat pissing on its territory. Disrespectful, arrogant, unprofessional, weird.

CoupDeGrace · 26/05/2024 16:56

Definitely change your instructor! He sounds totally unprofessional!

Surroundedbyfools · 26/05/2024 17:10

Get shot of him asap ! My husband is a driving instructor and would not carry on like this. Yes there’s been occasions where he’s had pupils book a test a day he can’t take them and he has told them in advance or he has got his dad or brother to take them (both instructors with same car) but if a pupil told him they didn’t feel they were learning or they wanted to do test routes he would work with them. He absolutely would not play music unless the pupil wanted that and they were competant ! He defo wouldn’t be oiling himself up or asking you about his hair

Ariela · 26/05/2024 17:28

If you've been having lessons since February you really have not made much progress have you? Find another instructor that is rated by pass rate, or get an intensive course.

DeadbeatYoda · 26/05/2024 18:11

He should be teaching you how to drive not just how to pass the test. Manoeuvres are essential for you to learn and practise. Perhaps find another instructor.

Eebee82 · 26/05/2024 19:04

Switch. I had 3 different instructors in the end. First one sounds similar to yours - he spoke a lot about his private life and by lesson 13 I'd learnt no manoeuvres. Second one was like an army sergeant who had a high pass rate but was really scary and OTT. The third was a lady who was a biker and just brilliant. Passed first time thanks to her. Change and don't look back.

GillianCarole · 27/05/2024 19:02

Heartbeats18 · 23/05/2024 09:29

Arghh I need to rant. Am I in the wrong for feeling like this? What would you do?

So I have been learning to drive since February. In march my instructor told me to book my test. I booked it for July.
Anyway he asked what day my test was and I told him again and he told me today he has booked a holiday and won't be here for my test date but he will try and get someone to cover it for me or I can take it in my own car. At the end of the lesson he said he didn't think I was ready and I need to change the date. I said okay I don't feel ready anyway as I don't feel I'm learning much, I haven't done test routes and I have only practiced a manoeuvre once ( he said they only form a few minutes of the test route so I dont need to learn them yet ) He then proceeded to tell me a 'story' of a girl who he had worked with who he told to change her test date but the mistake he made was that he told her at the beginning of the lesson so she was in a mood and made silly mistakes but the week after she had a brilliant lesson and in time she was ready for her test. I felt like it was about me but didn't say anything. I also hadn't felt in a mood until he said this.

All he does is talk to me about his personal life. He asked me do I like his hair midway through driving, I said I have never noticed it. He said he always wears a cap and people presume he is bald but he's not. I replied yeah you clearly have hair.
One time I got into the car and he was no joke sat there oiling his arms up for a few minutes as he had just been the gym and he said they were sore.

He asked did I like the 80's music he had put on and I said I like any music really but yeah it's good, I previously had told him I loved 80's. He then said or do you prefer this and turned it off so I said I enjoy silence especially when I have two kids at home who are never quiet, I said plus I like it being quiet as it mimics the conditions of a driving test.

I feel stuck with him as hes the only instructor who can do a 7 am slot but I'm not learning much. What would you do??

He's a flaky individual - drop him! I'm guessing he works for himself, as companies like British School of Motoring would give him short shrift. Save your money until you can find a qualified and experienced instructor.

Kjpt140v · 27/05/2024 19:33

Heartbeats18 · 23/05/2024 09:29

Arghh I need to rant. Am I in the wrong for feeling like this? What would you do?

So I have been learning to drive since February. In march my instructor told me to book my test. I booked it for July.
Anyway he asked what day my test was and I told him again and he told me today he has booked a holiday and won't be here for my test date but he will try and get someone to cover it for me or I can take it in my own car. At the end of the lesson he said he didn't think I was ready and I need to change the date. I said okay I don't feel ready anyway as I don't feel I'm learning much, I haven't done test routes and I have only practiced a manoeuvre once ( he said they only form a few minutes of the test route so I dont need to learn them yet ) He then proceeded to tell me a 'story' of a girl who he had worked with who he told to change her test date but the mistake he made was that he told her at the beginning of the lesson so she was in a mood and made silly mistakes but the week after she had a brilliant lesson and in time she was ready for her test. I felt like it was about me but didn't say anything. I also hadn't felt in a mood until he said this.

All he does is talk to me about his personal life. He asked me do I like his hair midway through driving, I said I have never noticed it. He said he always wears a cap and people presume he is bald but he's not. I replied yeah you clearly have hair.
One time I got into the car and he was no joke sat there oiling his arms up for a few minutes as he had just been the gym and he said they were sore.

He asked did I like the 80's music he had put on and I said I like any music really but yeah it's good, I previously had told him I loved 80's. He then said or do you prefer this and turned it off so I said I enjoy silence especially when I have two kids at home who are never quiet, I said plus I like it being quiet as it mimics the conditions of a driving test.

I feel stuck with him as hes the only instructor who can do a 7 am slot but I'm not learning much. What would you do??

Plays music during a lesson? You have to find an alternative, and also report him to his association.

laylababe5 · 27/05/2024 19:44

He sounds like my (narcissistic) ex-boyfriend. What a plonker! He is wasting your money though.

SweetFemaleAttitude · 27/05/2024 19:58

Get a female driving instructor if you can. Absolute game changer for me.

Julimia · 27/05/2024 21:38

Find a new instructor! End of.

Lulu49 · 27/05/2024 22:00

My sister married her driving instructor 🤪

MessageOnAWall · 27/05/2024 22:07

I passed my test recently.
Basically everything you've written about this guy is off - unprofessional, unhelpful, and some downright creepy.

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