How much time do you spend playing with your child every day ?

[mummyoftwos]

I mean engaging actively in- building a tower or drawing something / sticker books together or anything else really?

My kids are 2 and 4.

I ask because we've just come to visit grandma who spends ages playing with them and I noticed just how happy they are and also how balanced they seem ( especially 4 year old ).

So it made me think that maybe I don't do it enough.

This is what I think too. My daughter is also 2. We play in the bath, we play folding clothes, we drink lots of pretend tea while making dinner.

Nethertheless, I do think I spend too much time on my phone and should just sit down and play with her more directly

I see my role as being more to help my children learn how to play, rather than to spend hours playing with them. So with the little one, I will spend 10-15 minutes modelling interactions between play figures until they get the hang of it, and then leave them to it until they're bored. For the older one (now 6), most prolonged imaginative play tends to be with friends now, but I'll join in helping to create a den for cuddly toys or suggest things that a cardboard box can be made into but then I tend to retreat. The little one is still babbling rather than speaking but is beginning to make sense of the world and engage in some imaginative play, and the older one will put on voices and mimic interactions between animals but doesn't always want me there. I spend 2-3 hours a week playing board games with the older one and we read together most days, so I don't have time on top of that for lots of extra playing with everything else that needs to be done.

If we're at home all day and I want to ignore my children for a bit but don't want them on screens for hours, I find it helpful to set up what Instagram seems to term 'invitations to play'. Sounds a bit pretentious/wanky, but if there are several activities set up already for when the kids wake up (very simple things like a whole load of saucepans in a big tray with some dried pasta/spaghetti or old chocolate trays with playdoh to make chocolates), they'll usually gravitate towards them without my input and play independently for a bit.

A trick I learned from wfh during Covid is to either completely ignore your kids or be completely engaged. I used to spend the first 10 minutes of every hour giving my then 2yo intense attention and input, and then when they were engrossed in an activity I'd turn the TV or radio on for background noise and retreat silently to the next room to work.

I'd spend most of the day. I was a stay at home mum and did all my cleaning at night when they are asleep so during the day the only time I didn't engage with them was meal prep times.

I spent very little time playing with dd during term time as I was at work but she had nursery for friends and grandparents to give her 1 to 1 attention.

A few hours each day at weekends and holidays but she was an only child. If I'd been able to give her a sibling, I would have expected them to play together and wouldn't have felt the need to play with her so much.

Not as much as I probably should have. Mainly cos I found it incredibly boring and I have a very short attention span.
I don't remember being played with that much by my own mum, and she was a sahm. It was more doing things around her, or being given similar things to do eg a little washing up bowl if she was washing up. She was good at setting things up and letting us get on with it, Wych is what I did with mine. I was great at setting up dens etc. Then retreating to my phone or whatever.

My mum as a gran would play for ages with them- but she didn't have to do it every day.

4.5 hours intense interaction on top of a work day and then all day on the others, with no screen time- I find that pretty exhausting. Perhaps I'm just a bit rubbish.

I found when mine where little staying In the house and actually playing with them was difficult as something always needed doing washing put away dishes hoovering etc so I aimed to take them the park or field every day for an hour where we would play football tennis tag anything really just so they were getting that attention from me with no distraction.

Also think it's a bit mean to tell a mum trying to be the best at her near full time job and the best at home, running herself into the ground ..that she can't possibly be that exhausted. It's not a competition. Be kind.

DS11 (year 6) likes to do Sudokus and crosswords together with DH or me every day, sometimes also word searches and other similar activities (he has lots of books of them). He likes reading aloud together (mostly with me) and giving us quizzes on what he has read.

When I am cooking, DS helps me and we often play top trumps at the same time.

Most days he and I will also throw / kick a ball around together too, sometimes with DH. At weekends we play ping pong in the park outside too.

He also likes to play Solitaire together on the iPad, and when I can be arsed I make Kahoot quizzes for him and DD12.

At least once a week DS likes to play cards, Uno, Trivial Pursuit, Connect 4, Battleships or another board game with us as a family.

Yeah, basically he is a child who loves to play with someone else. He also plays with DD12 (board/card games, imaginative play, etc.), particularly at weekends, but she has LOADS of homework and also likes to read by herself.

I try and play with my toddler as much as I can, but unfortunately household chores need to be done as well. We try and incorporate this via play if we can

We played most of the time. We found ways to minimise chores with robot vacuums, dishwashers etc 😂

I wouldn't change it, loved every minute of being with them.

I love playing with my kids so .. a lot!

On a day when I am home with them now (they are 7 and 5 so obviously in school a lot of the time), I probably play with them for 2-3 hours. Board games, hide and seek etc. We will then usually be out for at least a half day, then they will play independently for a while and also watch some.TV

When they were younger, more things like role play games. Apparently this is unusual but I love role play games with kids, I like making up silly characters and stories. I don't seem to have had the issue of the kids telling me off for not doing it right. My fave thing is being a super demanding play kitchen customer.

I don't think you have to to be a good parent, I just really enjoy it

Before my daughter started school I used to spend about half of each day playing with her toys with her, drawing, playing games etc. Once she was at school, it tended to just be an hour or a bit longer when she got home.

Honestly, none. I don't play, I hate it. Aside from board games - we have family games night every week, but I do zero imaginative play. I also don't do the whole 'invitations to play' nonsense - but I won't stop them if they want to pull out all the pans or tape race tracks all over the floor and I will help them set things up if they need it.

Part of my job in raising them is also teaching them that not everyone wants to play with them. I'm not a child, I don't want to play houses, or barbies, or schools and that's fine. I don't ignore them, far from it. I read to them, play board games, sit and talk to them and pour water etc in the bath, they help with cooking (age appropriate), we bake. go to the park, ride bikes, do parkruns, go to museums and suchlike, and they come along on every dog walk, shopping trip etc etc etc. I don't mind being a patient to a pretend doctor or my favourite, the beauty spa client (lie down, they wash my face and put my moisturiser on - it's bliss!).

But I don't 'play', nor does my mother or brother, or their father. They play with each other, and with their wee friends, and don't seem to have any lack of imagination - yesterday involved several hours of rainwater, chinese takeaway tubs and the stones off the drive. I do notice that my friends who constantly play with their children or try to direct play have the kids who even in a park full of their friends will constantly come over and whinge at their mum (only mum, dad is always entitled to be an adult) to play with them. Couldn't cope with it myself.

Yes, well grandma isn't getting up in the night, preparing all their meals, changing diapers etc etc. So she has the time and inclination.

My kids are older, and yes they do thrive on one to one communication and activities. But that doesn't mean that it has to be complicated - it can just be playing with Tupperware, collecting sticks, etc.

Oh my god I couldn’t do this at all. I’m a person who craves quiet and solitude, I can’t be on all the time. How do you do it? Please remember you don’t have to do this all the time, look after yourself too

rarely with my 6 and 2 year old. Maybe the odd 5 mins here and there. I’m to busy and I find it extremely boring unless it’s a board game with my oldest!

I spent as much time as i could playing games with mine they grow up so fast.
Even now they are adults if they want to talk about anything im all ears nothing else matters whatever im doing i stop to listen.
We also still have the odd board game cards and i love it.

Rarely.

We talk, joke, read, go on days out, bake, tidy, eat together, do sports, play board games, sometimes video games, sometimes build something. And I work, run the house, organise their playdates and activities and dentist visits etc, and have no inclination to also roll on the floor and push cars around.

They are 5 and 7 and play together a lot.

It depends on the day but on average I just try to include ds (1.5) in what I'm doing if I don't have time to play. I'll collect him from nursery and we'll spend some time nursing and then we'll read books or colour in until its time to make dinner, then I put him in his learning tower and he "cooks" with me. Then we eat then bath then bed. At weekends dh and I will take it in turns to entertain him while the other gets things done that need done.

Love this @frozendaisy

Thanks for the inspo! I’m a first time mum (as the name suggests) and I sometimes feel guilty for giving up on housework to play with DS. Puts it into perspective!

Probably about an hour playing in this way, but we are way more outdoorsy and spend a lot of days mucking about outside. They like playing with a wide range of people though, don't put it all on you, it's great that your mum is wiling to engage for so long. I'd I can ever get cousins/aunties involved they are VERY excited

Usually about 30 mins a day proper focused play with no distractions. Tends to be after dinner, once the telly is off and before bath/bed begins. Potentially a bit more at the weekend depending what we are up to. Obviously between that we have time to chat over dinner and bath and read at bedtime etc. I do think in previous times most adults wouldn’t have been playing with their kids the way our generation is. The only thing that’s massively changed is that kids would have historically had lots of siblings/been able to play out safely in the street with a mixture of local kids without worrying about car traffic. I actually think that lack of playtime with a variety of kids is more of an issue than parents not playing them for hours but unfortunately that’s a societal thing- with car usage and lack of safe open space being the main problem.

We (me and DD1 who’s nearly 3) read books and do puzzles together, and she’ll help me cook or “clean”, but with regards to actually playing I’m led by her really. She’s got a play kitchen and art desk and her dolls and sometimes she’ll spend ages cooking her little kitchen or drawing or playing with her dolls completely independently, and other times she wants me to join in and have a tea party or do some colouring, seems to depend on her mood! I’d say we spend 1-2 hours a day on books/puzzles/dancing around the room, and then some days she doesn’t want me to play at all and others (weekends usually) I’ll play for 1-2 hours.

I’m definitely not as hands on as that poster (I do feel inspired now though!) but if I really need to do housework my almost 3 year old loves to help - I’ll give her a wet wipe and she’ll wipe skirting boards or door handles while I use actual cleaning products on the bits I really need doing, she has her own little mop and she’ll help mop the floors - I just find her harmless things to do that make her feel like she’s got her own important job and she adores it. If we’re doing gardening or something outside I give her a paintbrush and a bowl of water and ask her to paint the fence, honestly keeps her occupied for hours 😂