Feel like I’m living in an episode of gossip girl - teenagers!

[Guideley]

Well well, whoever said boys are easier than girls as teens, I have a bone to pick!!

Where to begin, my DS is 18, in sixth form doing his A-levels. He’s bright, has firmed his uni choice for next year and needs AAA.
Last summer he started dating a girl in his year, she’s nice enough and until lately it’s been drama free.

To the issue, well it’s turns out my DS was “emotionally cheating” now I’ll be honest I’m not sure what this means and I don’t really want to but I’ll assume he was chatting to another girl a lot, apparently this had been going on since march (source - my Y12 DD as DS would rather keep me in the dark), the girl in question is in Y12 and one of my DDs best friends.
On the weekend before there first A-level so last weekend, a bunch of Y13s and some Y12s went for food. DSs girlfriend didn’t go (she apparently doesn’t like anyone). Well DS being the perfect example of an idiot decided to kiss this girl he’d been messaging on the walk home and was seen by someone who told his girlfriend.
Oh golly since then it’s been non-stop. On the night before his first exam she broke up with him - DS is distraught. But that I could handle he cheated that’s on him, but since then I think she’s been pushing the boundaries.
Apparently she was seen kissing his best mate the same day as one of his exams, she messaged him over the weekend to say she’s made summer plans with some other lad and honestly it feels very vindictive.
She’s definitely more academic than DS and according to DD seems to be fine and getting through by being a bit bitchy.

Now DS has has a couple of his exams already and tbh he doesn’t think they have gone well at all, unsurprisingly. If there is any chance of saving this he needs the rest to go perfectly but this girl seems to be intent on getting her own back. He has blocked her but she seems to find ways to get to him!

Her mum isn’t on the scene but I think I need to talk to her dad and say “hey can we call a truce until exams are over then you two can battle your break up however you see fit”.

DH thinks I need to stay out of it, DS is a mess and I feel like we are in a teen drama show!!

AIBU wanting to talk to her dad? Or will just be looking at either clearing or resits and hoping DS has learnt a lesson?

Gosh aren’t teens hard work!

Also his exams aren't her responsibility and neither are his feelings anymore. It's his responsibility to manage the consequences of his own actions

Perhaps you could help him by explaining how he has hurt her, and that her actions will be as result of the humiliations and anger she feels by being publicly cheated on. He's 18, which is young but old enough to know better and hopefully he can learn his lesson now before he does the same to someone else

You are way too involved in your 18 year old son’s love life. He’s an adult

I think kissing another girl while dating her is far more vindicative, but I suppose boys never have to take responsibility?

Don’t concern yourself with her – encourage his revision.

@Guideley He says she came up to him but DD says all her Y13 friends say he went up to her so I’m very confused.
He is most upset about her publicly kissing his best mate which I do think is petty.
I tried to tell him if she’s out kissing other lads then she’s obviously not that hurt and he shouldn’t be either.

Ah yes, very confusing... That or DS knows how to spin a tale so he's mummy's special boy despite his bad behaviour. I'm not sure your logic makes sense, I imagine she kissed the best friend because she's so hurt

Now imagine the girls wasn't so academic and instead of rebounding quickly, she was devastated and fucking up/failing her own exams. And that you got a message from her dad .

She's both being vindictive. She's dealing with being cheated and the end of her relationship. Just because your son doesn't like it, doesn't make her vindictive. Perfect example of "you play stupid games, you win stupid prizes."

I'd also take what he says with a pinch of salt considering he has been hiding things from you and his account differs from his sister's.

Maybe she's saying I may be 18 but I'm going to set the bar I'm not going to be a pushover to any man.your son did chest on her and people react in different ways your son is 18 now he needs to deal with the consequences of his actions himself.

It's really surprising to me that you also have a daughter.

please tell me that in between your negative thoughts about this poor girl that it’s crossed you mind about the actions of your son too?

Why does it sound like you are trying to blame the girl for this mess?

Sounds like your son has spent months chasing this other girl (which was wrong) and then took it a step further, kissed her and cheated on his girlfriend (even worse.)

The fact that he can now not handle the fall out from that is tough really. He screwed her over just before her exams too, remember. Only difference is she had no choice in the matter whereas he did - he chose this.

Why is the onus on her for kissing the best mate rather than the best mate for being a bad friend for kissing his mates ex?

He cheated on her. She is the hurt party here. Unless she's taking pictures of her kissing other people and sending them directly to your son she's not being vindictive or petty, she's just living her life as a single young adult. She's probably hurt and rebounding too. But she broke up with your son, she owes him absolutely nothing.

From your second post it seems that she isn't going out of her way to tell your son theses things, he's just finding out through the grapevine. That's not vindictive or petty of her. It's actually very self centred of you and your son to think this is about getting to him rather than just cheering herself up after being cheated on.

She’s an ex who he cheated on and so owes him nothing. Why is she getting your judgement? Why not the best mate, who owes it to him to be loyal? Or your son for cheating in the first place? It’s always girls/women that get the blame from some people. Parents like you really aren’t helping.

You are getting way too involved. You need to give him a VERY stern talking to and shake him up. You are not helping by giving his stories any airtime and accusing the girl of being vindictive. He fucked up, he needs to take the heat and not fuck up his exams over a girl he didn't even care about.

Your boy cheated on his girlfriend right before HER A levels. I wouldn't believe a word he says. Why is the onus on her, a year younger and the cheated party, to make his life easier?

Once he chose to cheat on her and she chose to split up with him, nothing she does is any business of your son's. Nothing. He can feel how he feels about it but he has no right to say/do anything to her about it. He was the idiot. He messed up the relationship. She did the sensible thing and broke up with him and now she can do what she likes.

And don't tell your darling boy 'oh forget her, she's obviously not hurt because she's off kissing your friends.' Tell him, 'you did a bad thing. You hurt her and that's probably why she's now kissing your friend, because she wants to hurt you too. But you're just going to have to accept that, because you have really hurt her by your actions.'

And I hope that his friend is a nice bloke and sees how horrendously your son has behaved and is now swooping in like a knight in shining armour because he's a nice guy and will be a better boyfriend than your son was.

Look, ultimately they're 18, it's not the end of the world, but your son has made a mistake and hopefully he'll now grow up a bit and not treat women like this in future. But how he does in his exams is not down to her.

You secretly love the drama don't you OP?

Your son really humiliated this girl - is this right he cheated on her with a friend of his younger sister?? when they all attend the same school?

you - as an adult - should be well aware you have absolutely no idea why she kissed his friend - perhaps she has always liked him but politiely kept that to herself.

it is none of your sons business who she kisses now - lesson learnt on his part.

also - it's not correct or good advice to tell your son 'she obviously isn't that hurt' - that's not how life works is it? She may well be devastated - and it would be helpful to remind your son of that as he is not yet an adult and still learning.

Hell no don't speak to the father . Its a teenage romance that's fizzling out
Leave them to it!!

Honestly your boyfriend is the cheat abs he cheated on her just before her exams . She is single and can kiss who she likes and owes your son nothing
You sound a bit unhinged about it all to be honest.

I think you're being a bit overprotective to be honest. Your DS is 18, he cheated and kissed another girl. His girlfriend obviously felt humiliated and got her own back - who could blame her? Yes it's vindictive but understandable at that age when you've been cheated on. I bet she's got a whole bunch of mates egging her on with ideas of how to get back at him! His best mate sounds like a crap friend too! You need to have a chat with DS and point out to him that she is doing all this to upset him and get a reaction so tell him to not give her the satisfaction. Tell him to get his head down and concentrate on his exams. At the end of the day, this is much more important than all the break up drama. Be stern and tell him he has brought all this trouble on himself and needs to put it to one side til exams are over!

You don't get to slut shame your sons exGF for kissing his friend and moving on after your son cheated on her 😂😂😂😂 bonkers

I get it. Would I be right in thinking you wouldn't have thought of contacting dad outwith exam time?

I know its time critical and you just want them to put a pin in the drama but unfortunately the way to do that isn't really via the girl or her family, it's via your son.

He just needs to understand she is humiliated, angry and hurt because of his actions (I hope he has apologised) and her responses aren't that out of line to say they're young and somewhat stuck together until the actual end of school.

He therefore has to take responsibility for insulating himself and knuckling down to his own exams.

Block any chief relayers of information.

He needs perspective that his exams are the main focus but he has hurt a real human being and that will probably need dealing with, whether that's later or a heartfelt apology now. But focus on getting him to accept accountability and doing what he can exam wise. He's put the work in and needs to do his best

You're very invested in this aren't you. I get how hard it is when you have a heartbroken teen but just stay out of it.

I'm assuming your DS has also stopped talking to his best mate or is it just the girl you're both pissed off with.

This is where he learns what happens in the fuck around and find out senario

You can either support him in understanding fucking around has consequences or you can slut shame his ex, call her vindictive, and make out your son is the victim

One will help him grow and learn the other might not

Oh no! I feel for you OP - all this drama isn't unusual for teens and wouldn't normally be an issue but if it leads to one or both of them screwing up their exams then that is a real shame. He was in the wrong but that doesn't really matter by this point. Encourage him to step back, stop engaging with his ex or anyone else who has an opinion about it, and focus on his exams. Presumably he's on study leave now? It shouldn't be too hard to avoid her and everyone else for the next few weeks.

They've both acted like dickheads imo but let's face it, they're kids, when don't they do stupid, impulsive things! Plus they're about to go to uni, do they really think they're going to stay together? Freshers week alone would see the end to lot of these idealised first loves.

He shouldn't have kissed her best mate, she's sought revenge by kissing his. Stupid, impulsive. The texting him plans will be no doubt to "prove" how over him she is, but we all know how they charade is played out. She's hurting and wanting him to hurt to. It's vindictive and petty but it's quite normal at their age.

They're on study leave, perhaps this is the time to get him to ditch his phone for a bit, come off social media and stay away from her.