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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Feel like I’m living in an episode of gossip girl - teenagers!

57 replies

Guideley · 21/05/2024 14:21

Well well, whoever said boys are easier than girls as teens, I have a bone to pick!!

Where to begin, my DS is 18, in sixth form doing his A-levels. He’s bright, has firmed his uni choice for next year and needs AAA.
Last summer he started dating a girl in his year, she’s nice enough and until lately it’s been drama free.

To the issue, well it’s turns out my DS was “emotionally cheating” now I’ll be honest I’m not sure what this means and I don’t really want to but I’ll assume he was chatting to another girl a lot, apparently this had been going on since march (source - my Y12 DD as DS would rather keep me in the dark), the girl in question is in Y12 and one of my DDs best friends.
On the weekend before there first A-level so last weekend, a bunch of Y13s and some Y12s went for food. DSs girlfriend didn’t go (she apparently doesn’t like anyone). Well DS being the perfect example of an idiot decided to kiss this girl he’d been messaging on the walk home and was seen by someone who told his girlfriend.
Oh golly since then it’s been non-stop. On the night before his first exam she broke up with him - DS is distraught. But that I could handle he cheated that’s on him, but since then I think she’s been pushing the boundaries.
Apparently she was seen kissing his best mate the same day as one of his exams, she messaged him over the weekend to say she’s made summer plans with some other lad and honestly it feels very vindictive.
She’s definitely more academic than DS and according to DD seems to be fine and getting through by being a bit bitchy.

Now DS has has a couple of his exams already and tbh he doesn’t think they have gone well at all, unsurprisingly. If there is any chance of saving this he needs the rest to go perfectly but this girl seems to be intent on getting her own back. He has blocked her but she seems to find ways to get to him!

Her mum isn’t on the scene but I think I need to talk to her dad and say “hey can we call a truce until exams are over then you two can battle your break up however you see fit”.

DH thinks I need to stay out of it, DS is a mess and I feel like we are in a teen drama show!!

AIBU wanting to talk to her dad? Or will just be looking at either clearing or resits and hoping DS has learnt a lesson?

Gosh aren’t teens hard work!

OP posts:
Bluevelvetsofa · 21/05/2024 14:48

I’m afraid that you said it. He’s been clearly interested in another girl, then kissed her, so it’s not surprising the girlfriend was annoyed. It’s such a pity this happened in exam season though.

He’s an adult, I don’t think speaking to the girl’s father is a good idea and I think you and he should have plans B,C and D in place just in case.

MiddleagedBeachbum · 21/05/2024 14:53

Good god no! Do not talk to the dad!

Interesting how it’s all, she did this on the morning of my day exams…. Umm ‘d’s just cheated on her right before her exams! Good on her for not falling apart like your ds clearly is.

Id say to ds, actions have consequences, you’re now reaping these. Knuckle down, get through your exams, block out all outside influence / gossip / chatter and sort yourself out and learn from this!
Do not add to his drama

cheddercherry · 21/05/2024 15:44

Unfortunately it’s a harsh learning curve and I hate to say it but in life there’s no truces and grace periods. He’s going to have to wade through it as the shit is hitting the fan and realise the part to play he had in shovelling it. He also did this to her just before her exams, so it’s all very much tit for tat. Tell him to get his head down and try and think of the next few months if he can get these exams done and then he’ll be away from it all at uni and it will be a distant teen drama.

Sparklyink · 21/05/2024 15:46

Do not talk to the girlfriend's dad.

Etincelle · 21/05/2024 15:53

Your son cheated and hurt her. She isnt cheating as he already ended it by cheating himself, so your ds will have to suck it up. She's obviously behaving as she is because he hurt her. Maybe your ds expected her to weep quietly rather than getting her revenge!

BigGlassHouseWithAView · 21/05/2024 16:03

You can’t talk to her dad and expect him to tell her how to act over this. If you came to us with that request, you’d be told to go away and teach your son to be a better man.

Your son treated her badly. He cheated yet you have a problem with her ‘pushing the boundaries’. Fucking hell OP, listen to yourself.

If he can’t cope with the consequences of his actions and messes up his exams, it’s on him.

Mummy trying to clear up her sons mess and wanting another parent to tell their daughter to behave better is a joke.

Etincelle · 21/05/2024 16:12

Why is it bitchy/ vindictive that she ended the relationship after he cheated and is now seeing someone else and making summer plans with them? What did he expect?

Beezknees · 21/05/2024 16:15

He's 18 years old! Do not talk to the dad.

My DS is 16 and I don't involve myself in his friendships or relationships. It's for him to deal with, not me!

SensualDecay · 21/05/2024 16:16

My dad would have laughed and told you to fuck off. Who the hell are you to go around demanding parents tell their children not to upset your precious little boy.

And we wonder why we end up with all these men. Mothers like you.

RitzyMcFee · 21/05/2024 16:20

Of course you need to stay out of it.

All of this is your son's fault. All of it.

He cheated on his girlfriend very publicly. If he wanted a smooth exam time, he shouldn't have kissed someone else!

So what if she has now kissed his best friend. She can do what she likes.

And of course she has made summer plans with someone else! Confused

User56785 · 21/05/2024 16:22

Your plan to talk to her dad is hilarious! What could you say? That she isn't allowed to kiss anyone whilst the Little Prince is doing his A levels even though he can kiss whoever he likes!

takealettermsjones · 21/05/2024 16:22

Honestly I might admire her a little bit 🤣

What do you mean by "He has blocked her but she seems to find ways to get to him"? How?

If it's through friends then tell DS to block the friends until his exams are done. If she's turning up at your house with a tambourine at midnight then call the police. 🤷🏻‍♀️

LittleBrenda · 21/05/2024 16:26

Why would she not break up with him the night before the exam! That's when she found out.

What was she supposed to after being told her boyfriend had snogged someone else!

Surely as soon as came to his senses he would have known he was going to get dumped.

I can't see how she's being vindictive.

ArabellaFox · 21/05/2024 16:29

I'd advise your son to block all avenues of contact until after exams. Ask his friends not to share updates with him / keep social media on the back burner for now.

Have a chat with him. He's just got to get through this crucial time and then he can go back to all the drama. Remind him that, although it's hard for him to imagine right now, all this really will be of no consequence in years to come but the exams matter and to nail them first time would be the best thing he could do for himself

And once they're over, I'd open up a chat with him about how we treat girls / relationships etc and how he could have handled this differently

I get it OP. My youngest is a 17 year old boy and I often hear all the stuff going on - it's very normal for this age. Ignore posters trying to paint him as some sort of middle aged adult - he's still very young and he will do stupid things.

FiveTreeHill · 21/05/2024 16:32

If he didn't want to get broken up with around exams he shouldn't have cheated. He clearly wasn't distraught enough about the thought of a break up not to cheat

He treated her like shit and showed absolute no respect for her, publicly cheating and for what sounds like months. His own stupid fault if he's now upset.

She's entitled to do what she wants, he didn't give a shit about her feelings so why should he?

Beezknees · 21/05/2024 16:33

ArabellaFox · 21/05/2024 16:29

I'd advise your son to block all avenues of contact until after exams. Ask his friends not to share updates with him / keep social media on the back burner for now.

Have a chat with him. He's just got to get through this crucial time and then he can go back to all the drama. Remind him that, although it's hard for him to imagine right now, all this really will be of no consequence in years to come but the exams matter and to nail them first time would be the best thing he could do for himself

And once they're over, I'd open up a chat with him about how we treat girls / relationships etc and how he could have handled this differently

I get it OP. My youngest is a 17 year old boy and I often hear all the stuff going on - it's very normal for this age. Ignore posters trying to paint him as some sort of middle aged adult - he's still very young and he will do stupid things.

I don't think anyone is saying he won't do stupid things. We're saying that OP shouldn't get involved. He's 18, not 8.

ArabellaFox · 21/05/2024 16:34

@Beezknees I forgot to add that contacting other parents is a no no at this age!

Beezknees · 21/05/2024 16:38

ArabellaFox · 21/05/2024 16:34

@Beezknees I forgot to add that contacting other parents is a no no at this age!

Haha yes, I think that's the major point.

QuillBill · 21/05/2024 16:40

I don't think people are trying to paint him as anything. It's fine that he's made a mistake but this girl isn't middle aged either.

She's sixteen or seventeen and she's entitled to break up with him when he's kissed another girl - whether it's the night before his exams or not.

My youngest is a seventeen year old girl and if a boys mother came round and asked me to tell my daughter to 'call a truce' when she hadn't done anything wrong at all...I'd be quite cross.

You think she's vindictive and bitchy. Sorry, a bit bitchy.

I definitely don't think you should give him reassurance that there is a chance that this relationship can be saved.

HandsDown84 · 21/05/2024 16:41

Apparently she was seen kissing his best mate the same day as one of his exams, she messaged him over the weekend to say she’s made summer plans with some other lad and honestly it feels very vindictive.

Ok, so it's exam time. He's effectively left school so no classes with her. If he blocks her and asks his friends not to pass on what she is and isn't doing/feeding the drama, that's a start.

Of course you can't contact her dad! Not at 18.

Original poster
Guideley · 21/05/2024 16:51

Ok fair enough I won’t contact her dad.

I get he did wrong but kissing his best mate soon after a break up is a bit vindictive no? Apparently they were both in school for an exam at the same time and that’s when he found out about her summer plans.
He says she came up to him but DD says all her Y13 friends say he went up to her so I’m very confused.
He is most upset about her publicly kissing his best mate which I do think is petty.
I tried to tell him if she’s out kissing other lads then she’s obviously not that hurt and he shouldn’t be either.

OP posts:
LittleBrenda · 21/05/2024 16:59

I get he did wrong but kissing his best mate soon after a break up is a bit vindictive no?
No. Why is it vindictive when she kisses someone but not when your son does it?

I don't understand why is so terrible that her kiss was pubic when clearly his was or he wouldn't have been seen!

FiveTreeHill · 21/05/2024 17:02

Not really. He cheated on her. She's hurt. He didn't consider her when he kissed someone publicly right before her exams

Apart from kiss his best mate what has she actually done to be hell bent on ruining things for him?

takealettermsjones · 21/05/2024 17:02

Guideley · 21/05/2024 16:51

Ok fair enough I won’t contact her dad.

I get he did wrong but kissing his best mate soon after a break up is a bit vindictive no? Apparently they were both in school for an exam at the same time and that’s when he found out about her summer plans.
He says she came up to him but DD says all her Y13 friends say he went up to her so I’m very confused.
He is most upset about her publicly kissing his best mate which I do think is petty.
I tried to tell him if she’s out kissing other lads then she’s obviously not that hurt and he shouldn’t be either.

Why does your son get a free pass in all of this? She's vindictive, she's petty, she's not hurt, she's pushing boundaries, she's bitchy... While your son is a mess and distraught.

Why aren't you gunning for the best mate? Can boys do whatever they want and girls should pipe down about it?

BarbedButterfly · 21/05/2024 17:03

Seems to me she just did the same to him as he did to her public wise. As for his best mate, up to him to say no as she clearly doesn't need to hage any loyalty to him. Actions have consequences and these are his.