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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Stepchild

68 replies

Jadee23 · 21/05/2024 12:31

Hi there

i just wanted some advice please
me and my partner have been married since September 2021
we have three children my oldest is not his biologically but take her as his own.
when my oldest is at my partner’s mums house and she on FaceTime with family or at any of his family events my mil will introduce are kids to family members who haven’t seen them before and say that this is my partner son and daughter (his two youngest who are biologically his) but when she introduces my oldest she will say this is my partner step daughter

it bothers me but some people say I’m overthinking it as she hasn’t know her that long

but I don’t know if I should say something or other people are right and I’m overthinking

OP posts:
Youcannotbeseriousreally · 21/05/2024 12:33

She literally states fact. That is the truth of it whether you choose to take offence or not. I would honestly just ignore it. Don’t make it into a big thing.

Igmum · 21/05/2024 12:34

Agree, it's the truth. As long as she treats your DD well there's nothing wrong with saying this. She may not want to overstep.

user1483387154 · 21/05/2024 12:34

But she is right

SemperIdem · 21/05/2024 12:35

She is his step child?

TwattyMcFuckFace · 21/05/2024 12:35

Is he supposed to hide the fact he has a step-daughter?

Does she think your partner (husband??) is her bio dad?

Ereyraa · 21/05/2024 12:36

That’s what she is.

Lmnop22 · 21/05/2024 12:36

That is their relationship to each other though. It might be confusing to just say “these are his children” when it’s clear that child must pre-date the start of the relationship? Does your eldest call your partner dad?

If they’re all being treated the same, I wouldn’t worry about it.

Original poster
Jadee23 · 21/05/2024 12:36

I know she is his stepdaughter and she is right I’m saying should she introduce my oldest as his daughter so she don’t feel left out

OP posts:
BodyKeepingScore · 21/05/2024 12:36

Jadee23 · 21/05/2024 12:31

Hi there

i just wanted some advice please
me and my partner have been married since September 2021
we have three children my oldest is not his biologically but take her as his own.
when my oldest is at my partner’s mums house and she on FaceTime with family or at any of his family events my mil will introduce are kids to family members who haven’t seen them before and say that this is my partner son and daughter (his two youngest who are biologically his) but when she introduces my oldest she will say this is my partner step daughter

it bothers me but some people say I’m overthinking it as she hasn’t know her that long

but I don’t know if I should say something or other people are right and I’m overthinking

What exactly are you offended about? She's defining the relationship exactly as it is. Your DD isn't your partners daughter, and it doesn't serve anyone to pretend that she is. Least of all the child,

AlexaPlaySomeHappyHardcore · 21/05/2024 12:38

Imo, if your husband sees your daughter as his 3rd child his family should do their best to treat her such. Apart from this, does his family treat your daughter like she’s part of their family as they would with the 2 younger ones? Because I could probably let this go as long as this was the case.

BodyKeepingScore · 21/05/2024 12:38

Jadee23 · 21/05/2024 12:36

I know she is his stepdaughter and she is right I’m saying should she introduce my oldest as his daughter so she don’t feel left out

And this... I don't understand this. Surely your daughter knows he isn't her father? Why would she feel left out by this? Children can form loving relationships with their step parents but it is important for them to know and be clear about who their biological parents are. You're projecting.

Original poster
Jadee23 · 21/05/2024 12:40

She’s never met her bio dad and she calls my partner her dad

OP posts:
DaisyChain505 · 21/05/2024 12:40

She is just stating facts. Just because your partner has chosen to take on this child as his own doesn’t mean everybody else needs to follow suit. She can be pleasant to your eldest and have a good relationship with her without having to say it’s her granddaughter which it isn’t. It doesn’t make her a bad person.

Ereyraa · 21/05/2024 12:42

You got the same response on your thread last night, OP

BaiIey · 21/05/2024 12:43

How many times are you going to post this? You are getting the same replies again, you are being ridiculous

StormingNorman · 21/05/2024 12:47

If your DH and DD consider themselves to be father/daughter rather than step family, then your MIL should respect that. It doesn’t matter to anyone else how their relationship came about.

meetmeatsunset · 21/05/2024 12:47

Partner or husband? How old is your daughter?

Original poster
Jadee23 · 21/05/2024 12:49

Had to do the post again as last few replies I couldt see

didn’t make the post agin for the sake of it

OP posts:
Sapphire387 · 21/05/2024 12:51

I'm in a blended family and there are sensitivities. In my opinion your MIL should be led by your husband and your oldest daughter. If they are calling themselves father/daughter then I don't think there's any need to insert the 'step' in there. What does your husband think?

T1Dmama · 21/05/2024 12:55

Does it bother your husband that his mum introduces her as his step child? If so get him to bring it up with her, or keep them out of view of the camera… I wouldn’t want strangers being introduced to my kids anyway particularly

Ereyraa · 21/05/2024 12:56

She met your DC when she was 8, is that correct? People will know she is a stepchild, 8 year-olds don’t drop out of the sky.

TribeofFfive · 21/05/2024 12:56

How old is your eldest child? How old are your shared children? How long has your MIL known your daughter?

She is stating facts and not doing anything malicious.

Original poster
Jadee23 · 21/05/2024 12:58

He says the bond will only get stronger but it bothers my daughter as she has told me and I’ve wanted to bring it up but he just gets get stroppy

OP posts:
T1Dmama · 21/05/2024 12:59

I also think some grandmothers get pride out of saying ‘step child’ my ex MIL used to say that her other son had taken on 3 kids and had one of his own and she said it with such pride that he’d adopted 2 of them … she views them all as my DD’s cousins apparently even though only one of them is biologically.

Original poster
Jadee23 · 21/05/2024 12:59

Ereyraa · 21/05/2024 12:56

She met your DC when she was 8, is that correct? People will know she is a stepchild, 8 year-olds don’t drop out of the sky.

We know that but don’t think you understand my question 😒

OP posts: