To expect 3.5 yr old to use potty alone at night...

[Cato9lives]

3.5 yr old dd has been potty trained for past 7 months. Recently went dry at night around 6 weeks ago. She has always been a good sleeper and nearly always slept through 8pm til 7am, (we have been very lucky, I know!) Over past month she has started waking up around 3/4am every night saying she needs a wee or a drink. She has a drink right next to her bed and a potty in her room with a night light. She is capable of doing these things by herself but she always calls me into her room to witness her doing them! If I don't go she gets upset which makes the situation worse. Obviously I want her to stop waking me up in the night. I've bought her a gro clock and tried to bribe her with the promise of special ice cream if she doesn't wake me up, but nothing seems to be working. I'm worried about this turning into a habit that we can't break. Has anyone had similar? Help please! 😢

She is doing brilliantly but is still very little.

Nightime toileting is completely different to daytime toileting. Its great that she is producing the hormone to wake her up when she needs a wee but its still a lot to contend with for a little person in the middle of the night.

Aw she's still so little

I'm with you OP all of my DC got up to use potty if they needed to alone after they were dry at night. My DD was dry at 2 and used to get up and wee on potty on her own by 2 1/2. If I heard any of them get up when they were 2 or 3 I'd get up to check but they had done wee and got back into bed and back to sleep so I left them to it. I just praised them in the morning.

4am in the morning is very different to 3pm. She’s half asleep, it’s dark, the house is quiet, it’s totally different. You’re in danger of setting her back with her being dry at night at this rate, she hasn’t the confidence yet to cope with this.

Well I can't say I had that issue with any of mine. Had 3 of them Tbh I never ever had to get up to take a 3.5 year old to the toilet in the night. They could be PITA getting settled for bed but generally ok once asleep. If they did wake they would just creep into my bed and not disturb me - I just found them there in morning

Never picked any of them up from sleepovers as tweens.

And TBH no 1am phone calls to be collected from anywhere either. They all drive and rarely drink ( not at all when driving)

So I think that post of yours may be a bit OTT.

YABVU

Agree with the others, this sounds really normal for her to want you if she wakes up and it’s dark! It won’t last forever, like all these things they do it’s a phase. You are her comfort as her mum. My DD is 4 and still calls out in the night for a bit of reassurance we are still about if she wakes up. lol if it’s still going on in 10 years then we might have a problem 😂

If she was sleeping through until recently, could it be that she's being disturbed by the light mornings? I want to the loo a few nights ago at 03:45 and didn't need to turn any lights on, so it might be that's what's waking her? A pp suggested blackout blinds (sorry if you've got them already and I've missed that bit)...

Are you for real!?

And take a moment to think about what you are teaching her by bribing her with ice cream when it’s emotional support she is asking you for.

What do you mean am I for real? Have you quoted the wrong person?

Sorry, I managed to quote the wrong person!

I meant to quite op.

Cato9lives · Today 11:48
Thanks for everyone's responses so far. I'm just wondering why people are saying 3.5 year olds can't use the potty by themselves in the night when they are capable of doing it by themselves during the day? Is it an emotional support thing?

Everyone advocating lifting a sleeping child onto the loo to wee is actually offering counterproductive advice that is generally not recommended! Children need to learn how it feels to need to wee in the night/have a full bladder. If you’re just emptying it for them without them being present it will be harder for them to be dry at night.

My 11 year old still calls at night if she needs something.

Just part of being a parent.

Its a big ask to expect a 3.5 year old to go for a wee alone at night when theand a common issue. We found it easier to take ours for a wee when we went to bed at 11 or so, then they don't need another later. Eventually they outgrow waking early.

! Children need to learn how it feels to need to wee in the night/have a full bladder.

Lots will simply mature and produce enough urine concentrating hormone thar they don't need to wee in the night at all.

Mine were both dry through the night by 3 but my 6 year old still regularly wakens me at night. Usually it’s just because she’s awake and needs a bit of a cuddle/reassurance. I take her to the toilet then back to bed and all is fine.

It’s quite normal.

My child has been potty trained at night since 2yrs 4mo, and has a potty in their room. They are now 3yrs 3mo old.

Only once in that time has DC used the potty alone at "night" (it was about 5.30am so getting light). I think it's unreasonable to expect them to go alone, in my experience.

Also, my child slept through the night until 2yrs 8mo and since then has woken nearly every night at 4am or so before going back to sleep. I believe it was related to DC developing fears/nightmares and awarenesses they hadn't had before. For us it's not related to potty training - maybe for you, your child's fear development and potty training just happened to coincide?

In the nicest possible way, I think you're expecting too much.My 7yo can still call out to me to put her covers on or pass her a drink (from right next to her bed!) despite me asking her to to do it herself. I think it's just their natural ingrained reaction to call out for us on waking up tbh! At least she sleeps well other than that for you.

Aw - she’s only 3.5! I think you need to get up to her if she needs you. It won’t last forever.

She might be able to manage practically during the day, or even at night, but if they need you, then you fulfil their needs regardless of the time until they don't.

Yours is only 3 so nighttime waking is not uncommon. Mines is 20 and keeps me awake at night for other reasons 😂 but just when you think you've got it cracked they go through stages, at 7-9 years old he went through a stage of not being able to get back to sleep for hours and had an overactive mind/hearing house noises, in his early teens he started sleep walking which was interesting. Late teens there is the going out late drinking/driving (not at the same time!), or now when he is away from home in unknown city which sometimes keeps me awake.

It's just what parents do and by the time you can comfortably say you can sleep and not worry about them anymore, menopausal insomnia hits!!!

If the potty is in her room where is she washing her hands , that is a habit you want to get into

Just put a nappy on at night if needed what's the rush. Dry at night takes time

She is still very young, she won't need you forever, but it won't be long before she has no use for you and ignores you. See it as precious time when she wants and needs you. Sounds like you got off lightly. Maybe lift her before sleep time. One day you'll realise she didn't wake you and in time you won't have been woken for a week, and a month...

Surely if they are waking to wee, that means they ARE ready to be out of nappies? It's if they don't wake up, and wee themself, they need a nappy on!

She's going in the day ina house where there are other people.when she wakes up at night she's effectively alone because everyone else is asleep. my boys, same age, will wake me up or come into my room if they wake up in the night because they don't want to be alone. Sometimes they'll toilet alone, sometimes tell me and go alone, sometimes tell me and demand I watch, sometimes are dry all night, sometimes wake with a wet pull up