To expect 3.5 yr old to use potty alone at night...

[Cato9lives]

3.5 yr old dd has been potty trained for past 7 months. Recently went dry at night around 6 weeks ago. She has always been a good sleeper and nearly always slept through 8pm til 7am, (we have been very lucky, I know!) Over past month she has started waking up around 3/4am every night saying she needs a wee or a drink. She has a drink right next to her bed and a potty in her room with a night light. She is capable of doing these things by herself but she always calls me into her room to witness her doing them! If I don't go she gets upset which makes the situation worse. Obviously I want her to stop waking me up in the night. I've bought her a gro clock and tried to bribe her with the promise of special ice cream if she doesn't wake me up, but nothing seems to be working. I'm worried about this turning into a habit that we can't break. Has anyone had similar? Help please! 😢

The question isn´t mad, it is the expectation. You have asked a question, and I have answered it. You disagree, and that is that.

Yes it's annoying to be woken up in the middle of the night but if my child wants me I want them to be able to have my support. I don't understand why people would want to train that instinct away. I want her to always feel she can turn to me when she's scared or just wants her mum, I don't care if she wakes me up.

She needs you. Doesn't matter she can do it in the day it's nighttime, pretty scary for a young child, light or not.

I would far rather get up with her knowing she feels abit safer and help towards nighttime dryness.

Come on OP use your imagination! It’s dark, it’s quiet, it’s scary, there’s a shadow on the wall/ under the bed/ by the potty, she’s disorientated and on her own and to all intents and purposes to her it might feel like there’s no one in the house. She might also have had a nightmare. But most importantly she’s still incredibly young, I think your expectations are really quite unreasonable and unrealistic. If she’s going back to bed and sleeping for a few hours afterwards and waking with a dry bed then I don’t think you have anything to worry about.

she might be able to do it but she is only little and she wants you. That's all there is to it really.

Night is different to daytime - the house is silent, everywhere else is dark, there are monsters under the bed...

You'll get your full night's sleep eventually, don't worry!

My 11yo DD still wakes me up if she needs me during the night. Not for the toilet but just a bad dream or whatever.

One time, she helpfully woke me at half past 2 cos in her dream that's when we were meant to be getting up!

At 3.5 she was still climbing into bed with us in the middle of the night for the company 😆

You should praise her for waking you up and not just wetting the bed/ nappy!

My mum used to try to have a ten min nap while I watched tv as a kid, and I hated it because when she was asleep I felt like I was alone. And that was in the daytime with me sat on her knee. So I’m the middle of the night in a silent house in the dark, she will probably feel very alone. It won’t last forever but I do think it’s very normal.

She's only just developing this skill. It's not yet secure. It involves quite a few tricky processes.

Night is scary, it feels different. She needs your help.

What if something goes wrong - she misses, the potty tips over - she is far too young to manage/problem solve this.

At 3.5 I would be expecting her to use a toilet not a potty - can she get to the toilet? Then she will be able to wash her hands afterwards.

It is your job as a parent to help her develop these skills. You sound resentful of her childhood needs.

As mentioned previously food should not be used as a reward, especially not at some distant time away - it's illogical to promise ice cream because you have 'made mummy happy by not waking her up and bothering her'.

No, its because they are sleepy, confused and 3.5!

The thing is during the day you are obviously there to tip the wee away straight away and give the potty a quick clean. She probably wants the same to happen at night and not to have a potty with wee in it with her for hours. You need to be there for your child.

My dd used to wake me to help her (didn’t need help in the day time) can’t remember when it stopped but she is 5.5 now and it has been a while. Still wakes me up if she sees a spider though.

Plus it is dark.

Be prepared for many years of being woken up in the middle of the night OP.
Whilst they are little they absolutely need to feel safe and not alone.
When a bit older they might have a random nightmare, be woken up by a noisy storm, feel sick etc where they need reassurance/help.
Tweens, they might want to come home from a sleepover.
Teenage years there will be than unexpected call for pick up from a party at 1AM for whatever reason. Or you startle yourself awake worrying about where they are.

Why would you expect to ever sleep like you did before having a child, is beyond me. There's no going back now. All that is gone! One eye open and all that. Maybe when all your children are grown up safe and secure in theirs own homes, you might get back to old sleeping habits. By then, you'll be too old to be able to sleep properly. You can't win unfortunately.

3.5 is relatively young to be going dry through the night and waking and managing themselves independently. Even without toileting, it's normal for 3yos to seek their parents if they wake in the night.

My two were 4 & 5.5 when they became dry in the night. One went through a phase of sleepwalking and ending up toileting in the wrong places as the hormonal signals became jumbled.

She's doing well already.

We used to do a DreamWee about 11pm when we went to bed, which kept them going til morning

💯

I know for sure if I told my son to get on with that by himself I would have been risking slops around the potty, or he might have been less willing to get up and use it at all which wouldn't have ended well. Actually I never left a potty out once he was that age - he would have gone to the bathroom, and it was worth escorting him for a bit to get that established.

I feel you're getting a bit of a tough time on here, OP. Every child is different, and it's a valid question. My DD was using the potty on her own at night before she turned 3, so it does happen. However, it sounds as though your DD still needs a bit of reassurance, which is ok too.

Aw bless her she’s still very wee.

I still call out to my nearly 9 year old to check he’s ok if he gets up for the loo in the middle of the night.

she’s maybe just needing a bit of reassurance

On the bright side though I think some of these replies are too negative - my son certainly wasn't still waking me regularly by 4.

For me it’s more an issue of safety than her not being able to do it. I go with her to make sure she doesn’t leave the tap on or hurt herself with hot water.

I think it's reasonable for her to not feel comfortable at this age. Personally, Id do the dream wee before you go to bed. We did that with DD for a couple of months around this age and it helped a lot.

It's very normal to be dry at night at that age. She's not too young at all, but it's also normal for it take longer and the child to be older or for there to be set backs along the way too.

Surely if you’re using g a potty you’ll have to get up to empty it anyway? If she wakes in the night for a wee encourage her to use the toilet, then over the coming weeks/months encourage her to access the toilet more independently. So, for now go into the bathroom with her then put her back to bed, then wait on the landing, then wait in her room, then just sit in your bed so she knows you’re up and awake. By the time she’s 4 or 5 she’ll have the confidence to use the bathroom at night alone.