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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect 3.5 yr old to use potty alone at night...

109 replies

Cato9lives · 20/05/2024 11:25

3.5 yr old dd has been potty trained for past 7 months. Recently went dry at night around 6 weeks ago. She has always been a good sleeper and nearly always slept through 8pm til 7am, (we have been very lucky, I know!) Over past month she has started waking up around 3/4am every night saying she needs a wee or a drink. She has a drink right next to her bed and a potty in her room with a night light. She is capable of doing these things by herself but she always calls me into her room to witness her doing them! If I don't go she gets upset which makes the situation worse. Obviously I want her to stop waking me up in the night. I've bought her a gro clock and tried to bribe her with the promise of special ice cream if she doesn't wake me up, but nothing seems to be working. I'm worried about this turning into a habit that we can't break. Has anyone had similar? Help please! 😢

OP posts:
Toxicinlawz · 20/05/2024 12:26

Op I do understand you but she is small and if she's waking you then you need to get up. You need to address why she's getting up I think rather then wanting her to get up alone. If she was getting up randomly then I'd say we all do that and that's normal but if it's every night then you need to understand why. I think you need to get rid of the light permanently and remove the drink in her room too. I think you need to understand does she want a drink and a wee just from habit or is there another reason. I'm sure your hv can help you with a plan as well. Maybe move the potty to the bathroom as well so she understands her room is for sleeping not having a drink and a wee but obviously I don't know the logistics of this for you and any other safety aspects of this so only do what's safe.

DoreenonTill8 · 20/05/2024 12:27

Katiesaidthat · 20/05/2024 11:47

This is mad. My kid sometimes goes alone but she is 5. There is a massive difference in development. Sometimes she calls out to me to go with her. It is dark, she´s half asleep and she wants her mum. All perfectly natural.

This, it's actually quite sad to read you almost seem annoyed at her for needing you!

Willyoujustbequiet · 20/05/2024 12:27

Yabu

She's so little bless her. She'll be sleepy, it's dark, scary....

I don't know anyone who wouldn't get up.

PancakeClock · 20/05/2024 12:29

I think while they are still using a potty rather than the toilet, I'd want to be there to make sure they aim right and empty it afterwards. In a sleepy haze and dim light surely there's a high chance it might get knocked over or something. Once they can safely get to and use the loo, plus wash their hands after, is when I would hope not to be woken up.

Like someone else said, I'd be pleased to have got to the stage that they were out of nappies and not wetting the bed.

MrsElsa · 20/05/2024 12:30

Children are scared of the dark. That's normal and your job as a parent is to look after them and make them feel safe.

I'm wondering if you were shamed for being scared of the dark when you were younger OP?

Original poster
Cato9lives · 20/05/2024 12:30

Thanks so much for all the more constructive / less judgy responses! It's genuinely appreciated. So the general gist I'm getting is, 'don't panick, she's just a bit young and needs some more time'. Appreciated. Thank you 😊

OP posts:
MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 20/05/2024 13:15

KeyWorker · 20/05/2024 12:24

Surely if you’re using g a potty you’ll have to get up to empty it anyway? If she wakes in the night for a wee encourage her to use the toilet, then over the coming weeks/months encourage her to access the toilet more independently. So, for now go into the bathroom with her then put her back to bed, then wait on the landing, then wait in her room, then just sit in your bed so she knows you’re up and awake. By the time she’s 4 or 5 she’ll have the confidence to use the bathroom at night alone.

A little wee in a potty doesn't need emptying immediately.

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 20/05/2024 13:17

I've just realised that ds was 4.5 not 3.5, he had pull ups at night for ages after he was dry in the day. So we used the sticker chart then.

Ponderingwindow · 20/05/2024 13:18

You don’t need to worry about forming a habit. It won’t be long before she starts wanting privacy. For now though, she is still very young and even if your presence is just for comfort, it is necessary.

TallulahBetty · 20/05/2024 13:25

I'd be amazed that she's not still in pullups overnight at that age.

She clearly doesn't need to be, but that is unusual.

Mygliderdoesaloop · 20/05/2024 14:24

My son is the same age and has been dry at night since he potty trained a few months ago.

He mostly sleep through but every now and then he will wake up and call for us and usually needs the potty!

He does go last thing before bed which gets us through most nights but he wouldn't do anything on his own at night yet. Except call us :)

gano · 20/05/2024 14:35

Topjoe19 · 20/05/2024 11:45

If she needs you, she needs you - I get up to take my 6yo to the loo in the night if she needs to go - she'll go by herself at some point but she wants me to take her so I go. I think you're expecting a lot of a child that age tbh. Hopefully she'll go back to sleeping through soon

Agree with this. My dd is almost six, and will call for me in the night if she needs a wee or drink. She can do these things by herself, but I think she gets anxious about the dark, even though we have lamps. I don't see it as a problem, it's just part and parcel of being a mum.

CactusMactus · 20/05/2024 14:35

People calling OP 'mad' for suggesting this is a thing some kids can do is unkind.

Perhaps you just need to put up with being woken for a while. When she understands it's safe and OK - she wont wake you any more.

MrsDTucker · 20/05/2024 14:47

Cato9lives · 20/05/2024 11:48

Thanks for everyone's responses so far. I'm just wondering why people are saying 3.5 year olds can't use the potty by themselves in the night when they are capable of doing it by themselves during the day? Is it an emotional support thing?

Because nighttime is scary for kids. WTF

spiderlight · 20/05/2024 14:53

It's totally understandable that you don't want to be woken up at night, but for now, she still needs you. I'd suck it up for the time being to avoid making a bigger issue of it - you don't want her getting anxious about it or trying to hang on so she doesn't have to do the potty on her own and then wetting herself.

roseinthedark · 20/05/2024 14:54

Hiya, I find your question quite reasonable, if potentially motivated by a sudden lack of sleep? 😊 To deal with this, we put our 4 year old on the potty at 9 or 10pm. No need to wake her completely, just put her on gently and make a shhhhhh-Ing noise to encourage the wee flow. She then is able to go back to sleep until 07:00.

Channellingsophistication · 20/05/2024 14:54

It’s perfectly understandable and reasonable that your 3 year old wants help in the night.
it is just a stage I’m sure it will not last.

Grasshopper7 · 20/05/2024 14:55

You're being completely unreasonable. My 5 year old is not yet dry at night and sleeps in our bed most of the time. 3.5 is still very, very little

Tdcp · 20/05/2024 15:04

My DD is 9 and won't even turn her clock on at night because she has to put her arm out of bed and it scares her (monsters obvs). 3.5 is really really small to be using the potty at night by themselves. As an aside, DD is not dry at night yet, it's a hormone that they produce for night time dryness and if they don't have it then they don't have it.

PollyPeep · 20/05/2024 15:15

We still have to wake our 5.5 year old and take him to the loo at night. I thought that was fairly typical?

Reugny · 20/05/2024 15:25

TheYearOfSmallThings · 20/05/2024 12:11

On the bright side though I think some of these replies are too negative - my son certainly wasn't still waking me regularly by 4.

It's individual child dependent even within families.

Have a friend who had one DC who was dry at night at 4 while the older one was dry at night just before they were 7. (Due to the age gap it meant second was dry at night before eldest.)

Ritadidsomethingbad · 20/05/2024 15:28

Christ! I bet she even wants you to take her nursery too!

Yellowhammer09 · 20/05/2024 15:29

I guess it depends on the child. My 4yo can't manage anything on her own in the night (can't even blow her nose let alone use the loo), but my 2yo occasionally tries to go downstairs to use the toilet by herself.

Keep going with sticker charts and bribes and hopefully the habit will be broken 🤞

Loadofbobbins · 20/05/2024 15:32

Cato9lives · 20/05/2024 11:48

Thanks for everyone's responses so far. I'm just wondering why people are saying 3.5 year olds can't use the potty by themselves in the night when they are capable of doing it by themselves during the day? Is it an emotional support thing?

It’s dark, its scary, and she wants her mum. She’s 3.5 years old - she needs her parents help!

Other option is to try cutting down on drinks in the evening which may stop her needing to wee in the night

mindutopia · 20/05/2024 15:35

It's totally normal for a 3 year old to wake still during the night. If they are waking to wee, they probably aren't ready to be out of nappies though.