To think there needs to be a public inquiry into child development

[MaryMaryVeryContrary]

It really seems like we have a looming societal crisis in terms of child development and therefore the quality of the public in 10-20 years time. Experienced teachers across the board seem to be reporting an overwhelming increase in delayed, aggressive and disruptive children. I’m extremely worried about how this will impact society when they become adults - it seems (as a guess) at least a tenth of children will be incapable of work of any kind, and many more will need copious amounts of support to live any kind of responsible life.

AIBU to think we need an urgent public inquiry into this and what is going on? It seems to be the elephant in the room and anybody who tries to discuss it is shouted down.

I’m sure some of it is due to cuts in services but surely that can’t account for it all - it’s very sudden and extremely alarming.

There is absolutely no move towards alcohol in pregnancy. The message is clear - there’s no safe limit. If there is an issue with FASD it is not because public perception of risk has decreased.

I meant to also say - with the rise of binge drinking among women as well as the “wine o clock” type of drinking, women are drinking more than previous generations. For someone who isn’t actively trying to get pregnant, they may be 8 weeks along or more before realizing, by which time the damage has been done.

I completely agree with this. I read a book called Focus by Johann Hari that said as much. Our brains need peace to reflect and process rather than constantly consuming stimuli from outside sources.
I am not ND and even I walk around supermarkets with my sunglasses on and calming music in my earphones. I feel worked up almost the moment I step in there.

Alcohol has been around a long time. I don’t believe our habits have changed so significantly that it’s likely to be the root cause.

I’ve just looked online and it said something like 4.3% of babies to heavy drinkers develop FAS. That’s a very small proportion for the group classed as “heavy”.

I agree too. Shopping centres and supermarkets make me feel really angsty. It feels like a sensory overload.

The timing here don't fit though. Mothers before about the 80's were actively told to drink guinness while pregnant, for the iron. Also, my son is 18 and when I was pregnant we were told that it was ok to drink a few units per week. (Unless you were like me and vomited even from the smell of alcohol!). I am aware that the guidance changed a few years later to no alcohol at all.
So surely the putative FASD epidemic would have occurred a lot earlier, rather than now?

What about natural selection and strongest genes survive? Nature used to be in charge of this but medicine has advanced. More babies survive nowadays with the advancement of medicine which can mean complex conditions and needs. I don't mean this in a nasty way, I am just saying maybe it's a "side effect" of it

Something I've found as a parent to of two autistic children..

I'm still trying to work to keep a roof over our heads, I have to heavily weight my hours to term time as I can't put either in holiday clubs. So term times it is just eat/sleep/school/repeat.

But what I have really noticed is how happy people are to just leave you. Mine got their dx young and way before screens. It was clear as day atypical behaviour with both rather than challenging behaviour. My 7YO isn't toilet trained, he 100% has something going on with his muscles. The continence service, GP and any other gateway practitioner will not entertain the suggestion there is something wrong because "he is autistic and it is part of his autism". I asked for more in depth help and his diagnosis is actually a barrier to help. What could have been medically examined 4 years ago when I first asked has still not got beyond it being part of his autism.

Speech and language won't support my children, because speech and language issues are.. part of their autism.

Provision removed from ehcps because provisions are supporting needs that are just an expected part of autism etc.

It feels very much that despite having two high needs children, their diagnoses actually mean we get no help whatsoever.

My oldest has full time 1-1, she spends most of her day interacting alone with her adult. She doesn't qualify for the social skills groups because she has a 1-1 who is to provide all of her provision and those groups are for every other child without an ehcp. It often feels like that these days society has such low expectations we are disabling children from the age of 2/3!

I'm one person, I openly admit I need some guidance and I do have to pick priorities in terms of working on skills but there is nothing there to help us.

I agree with this. When my son got his dx the school stopped telling me about problems because he has been reclassified.

If there's a systemic problem then it's going to be about more than personal failings of individual parents.

My personal view is that social stress has really increased across middle and lower income populations for a whole host of reasons but particularly lack of reliable access to healthcare, and lack of access to affordable and secure housing. My brother still has two children in secondary - bright, lovely kids who now have zero enthusiasm for school. He thinks it's because their teachers are absolutely miserable and ground down, and that this is rubbing off on the kids.

Interesting that your comment stands but mine wa deleted when they say the same tuning, fundamentally

That's blatantly obvious

The jobs for non academic people have gone - you need to pass health and safety read/write tests to become a cleaner.
Can you pass a driving test without being able to read -I’m out of touch so don’t know.
50 years ago we had a chap who maintained roads in the countryside where we lived. Full time job, he had a bike and a spade.
With AI taking admin, call centre jobs people should be encouraged to develop crafts and sports ability or what will they do?

It is increasing in Germany too. And I find German parenting culture very different to the UK - I don't even comment on MN threads about what age children should be allowed to do things alone because my judgement is so skewed compared to what is normal in the UK. Six year olds walk to/from school, I can sign a piece of paper allowing my 5yo to walk home alone from Kindergarten if I want to. I don't because I have to pick his younger brother up anyway, but I could - and I probably wouldn't worry about him doing this. My neighbour had a six year old foster child and would let her go around the car park on her bike while she stayed upstairs and didn't even supervise her - I found this very strange TBH.

Screens are much more frowned upon though like everywhere they are more heavily used in more disadvantaged households, but much less casual use than the UK IME where I find people are obsessed with TV and have it on all the time. Everyone is outside to the point it's a stereotype made fun of on social media. Processed foods (apart from salami which is a staple) are less common. It is common to keep children home until age 3, and rare for them to start childcare before age 2. Mothers tend to work part time. Home education is illegal. When school refusal is thought to be down to defiance, teenagers literally get a police escort to take them to school. But anxiety based school absence still exists and nobody knows what to do about it here either. There is slightly better support for children with intermediate needs (e.g. behaviour issues, sensory issues) in mainstream schools, and more access to speech therapy, OT, physical therapy etc but children with severe learning disabilities are not placed in mainstream schools. There are months-long waiting lists for psychiatric assessment or treatment though not quite years like the UK.

OTOH they are very keen to give children time to develop on their own time. DS2 was nearly 4 or over 4 (I forget now) when he finally potty trained and both his paediatrician and his kindergarten kept saying don't worry, he's fine, he'll do it before school. They have a flexible school starting date thing where they "can" go in the year they turn 6 but they "must" go in the year they turn 7 and essentially parents can choose - we have been strongly advised to defer because he is a summer birthday but also a bit socially delayed. But there are also staffing problems in both schools and kindergartens particularly since the pandemic though I understand this was happening before then too.

I am not really trying to convince anyone that anything is or isn't happening, but I do think it's useful to examine the assumption that something vaguely-defined and "bad" is increasing, because this is a rhetoric used about all kinds of things, and frequently it turns out the thing isn't increasing at all, in fact it's improving but the newspapers are talking about it more so you get the impression that it's getting worse.

Six or seven or more years ago, almost every post on AIBU seemed to me to end with "Prosecco o'clock!" or similar. I know I am not hallucinating this...

I just can not believe you would allow a five year old to walk home from school alone, do they not have cars there? This to me is beyond neglect and downright dangerous. It may have been fine 30 years ago with much less traffic but now? No way. Shocking! You can hardly hear electric cars these days.

You are right about drinking at home in the evenings is much more acceptable now because it’s wine that’s more mainstream popular and it’s for some reason not seen the same as chugging beers and vodka 😂 I’m always amazing watching mums on tik tok who always batter on about it’s wine time and are always drinking like it’s a good thing. Saying that though - I have never drink in all my 30 years I have had maybe 2 alcoholic drinks.
my daughter is very much autistic and those 2 drinks were well before she was a twinkle in my eye !

The entire culture around that is different.

Children often don't walk alone at age 5; they usually walk with at least one fellow pupil or an older sibling until they know the route well enough.

Children are taught early on how to behave in traffic, and this is reinforced in primary schools all the time.
There are traffic lights everywhere rather than roundabouts.
Jaywalking is illegal (you can get fined by the police) and Germans are very vocal about this, too, if they see anyone attempting this. It is not unusual for the general public to look out for other people's children.
Catchment zones for primary schools are smaller and walkways often much more intuitive.

You even get a safe cycling certificate involving a theory and a practice test by year 3. All children have to participate in the practice for this at school. That way, you learn the rules of traffic quite quickly.

But yes, children are allowed to be far more independent in other countries. Germany is not an exception; Japanese primary age school children do the same and often take public transport alone, too.

Not at five years old. It’s just ridiculous.

I have German friends who are very strict about screen time, their children get 30 mins a day and if they want to watch a longer programme they have to save their time up. But they don’t allow their children to walk alone. They have better maternity and their jobs have to be kept open for 3 years. So many mothers who have children close together might have 5 years or so at home.

Why? I mean, I wouldn't wish it on anyone, but think about what five year olds are considered capable of doing in other countries. Walking to school is the least of their duties, some are (being made to) working in factories every day, some are cooking entire family meals some adults couldn't do over here, some sew entire garments by hand, some have caring responsibilities. And they are good at it.

And while the responsibilities shouldered upon them in countries where child labour is still a thing is completely unethical, think about that in context when in some Western countries, children are so infantilised. It does German children good to have that independence. Compare, as a whole, what Chinese children are capable of to what British children are considered capable of and you will see a world of difference.

Should we go back to Victorian times of children up chimneys? Absolutely not. But I do believe that the way we hold our children's development back in Britain is one reason why so many of them act out.

I mean, even if you are a cleaner, you have had the opportunity to go to school for 12 years. You should be able to read and do basic maths. You should be able to comprehend basic written instructions on various cleaning products for example.
I agree that was has gone for non academic children is the chance to learn a skilled trade. I don't know why we are so bad at this. We seem ( as a country) to decide we woukd rather follow America than the Europeans, especially Northern Europeans, like us, have a far superior education system all the way through from child to adult in many ways ( not all obviously)

It’s bloody ridiculous. The traffic is just as heavy as the U.K. and yet you would let a FIVE year old walk to school! It’s not perfect but British families on the whole take very good care of their children and are engaged and careful. With good reason. A child dying in a RTA is one of the main causes of death in children! Worldwide.

I agree with this. Obviously it isn't great for children to have to do so much at such a young age. But the fact that they CAN shows that they are more capable than people often give them credit for.
I watched a documentary once on a tribe somewhere. They followed 3 children who were off looking for snacks for themselves. The children were aged around 7, 5 and 3. Together they set traps, caught some tarantulas and made a fire. All while explaining to the cameras how to burn off the hairs on the tarantulas so they could eat them safely. Even the youngest was doing this perfectly.
I've also seen on similar things children aged 3-5 using machetes to help kill and skin animals for food.
Their children are no different to our children. Other than in how they are taught.