To be so fed up with being made to feel shite by my family?

[ScentlessAprentice]

Okay, I know nobody can make us feel anything, I have to own my feelings. But God, my family are great at making me feel small and useless.

They criticise me constantly. My appearance, my conversation, my posture, my hair, my weight, my medical problems.

I do have a couple of pretty serious health conditions. I'm very aware of not mentioning them often as it really pisses my parents off. They do impact on my life though, in a pretty major way. I try really hard to be bright and breezy, even when I'm in agony and just want to lie down.

I have gained weight due to the medication I'm on, and have been unable to exercise due to a serious back injury. That is healing, so at my Mother's questioning, I explained what I plan to do - physio, pilates, frequent short walks. She then started lecturing me about how I need to do something about it. I had to point that I am doing something about it, that was literally what I'd just described to her. That wasn't good enough.

They ignore me all the time. Like will cut me off mid sentence to start talking about something completely different.

Tonight, we brought my parents out for a lovely dinner as an anniversary celebration for them, belated yes, as they were away for their actual anniversary. I tried so hard to keep the conversation going. My Dad sat in silence, my Mum sighed constantly, and the minute dinner was over they stood up to leave. We're staying in their house, as soon as we got back they both went to bed, husband went soon after (yes, I'm annoyed with him too), and I'm left up feeling really sad on my own.

Quite the contrast to when my sister and her husband brought them out a few weeks ago, when they said they had dinner, lots of cocktails, sat up until 3am drinking and chatting and laughing.

I am not the daughter they wanted, I know they see me as deficient due to my health problems. But I try so hard. I listen to their worries, I'm always supportive, I go with them to visit elderly relatives. I'm just never good enough.

That was long, and I don't even know what my question is. I guess, what will it take for me to ever be good enough for them?

Look Op you sound lovely. Your parents do not.

I, random person on the internet give you a year off helping them, it is May 2024. Be busy and vague for a year. Drop the rope. Don’t pick up. Get a therapist to help you talk through this.

in May 2025 see how you feel and where you are.

Start doing much less for them, less visits, shorter lengths of time to save your sanity. Space apart will help.

YANBU OP. You sound like a daughter anyone would be happy to have.

People often recommend extreme actions, but you wouldn’t be kind you if you could just cut them off with never a backwards glance. But look at Vimtoad’s advice above. This is realistic and doable. Not a sudden break, but a promise to treat yourself better - to put yourself higher up your list of priorities.

Start small, don’t jump to respond to every request, leave it a few hours before phoning. If you’re not feeling well enough to visit, just cancel. Yes they’ll moan about you, but they do that anyway don’t they, no matter how much you try to bend yourself into a shape they might like.