Husband's disgusting habits

[ToastofLandon]

I've been with my husband for 20 years. We have a 10 year old and for the most part we've had a great relationship. He really is my best friend. I don't know if he's getting more gross with age or I'm getting more intolerant in my perimenopausal age, but he's starting to really gross me out and I'm losing attraction for him fast.

He's some recent things I've noticed him doing over the past year:

• Hands always down his trousers. The bathroom is littered with pubes but now all around the house. I've found a pube on the water jug in the fridge and even once on my plate.
• Rubs his nose then doesn't wash his hands. He's got a lot of allergies so itches his nose a lot. I have to tell him to wash his hands or he doesn't do it.
• Shit stain in the bed. This has only happened once, but it's once too many.
• He sneezed phlegm onto his arm and then licked it up. Yes, I'm serious.

I've pulled him up on this many times and he just days "I'm a gross man, what do you expect".

He didn't used to be like this so I don't know what's happening. He gets defensive when I pull him up on it.

Other than that, we get on so well mostly. We share the load pretty equally, he's a great cook and terrific father. But I'm finding his habits hard to live. It's hard enough to keep the fire going after 20 years without this.

Am I being unreasonable? Any advice? Anyone else relate?

What's a bit of nit picking/nose picking/arm licking/shit stains on the bedsheets between lovers eh?

🤢

or I'm getting more intolerant in my perimenopausal age

I think it's great that there is more awareness about how perimenopause can impact a woman's life, but for the love of God let's not default to that when considering whether our thinking is rational.

Do you really think a woman not going through perimenopause accepts shit in a bed?

I've pulled him up on this many times and he just days "I'm a gross man, what do you expect"

Irrespective of the disgusting behaviours, the fact that he casually shrugs off your feelings is a real problem.

Sorry op good dad or not I couldn’t and wouldn’t tolerate that. It’s turned my stomach

How do you get shit stains on bedding?

Genuinely. We shower before bed and wear PJs or pants. Even if we were naked I can’t work out how we would get shit in the bed.

Ah man that's fucking gross.

Seperate bedrooms at the very least. I couldn't have sex with a man who can't wash his arse or sucks up his own snot.

I suggest showing him the thread when it's done personally. It's that vile.

Christ how can you ever kiss or have sex with this man ever again, I feel sick 🤢 leaving pubes all over the house especially in the kitchen is fucking vile. 'well I'm just a gross man' is a cop out and him trying to make you accept this stuff as the norm.....which it really isn't.

I think so but with some brain injuries and condition's subtle behaviour changes like this can occur

Tell him he gas24 hrs to get his act completely cleaned up- if not he's got a serious problem and he's out.

If there was ever a time for an ultimatum, this is it. He stops being a disgusting pig, right now, or he can leave.

It's an excellent question. Sometimes I do not shower again before bed, and I never wear pants and not once have I left a shit stain on my sheets. I'm not sure how I'd go about it if I wanted to, other than not wiping my bum and then doing a dog scoot down the bed. It's baffling.

It really is baffling. I never wear pants/pajamas, and only sleep in a t shirt, yet in 51 years I've never gotten shit on my sheets.

It's hard to believe we're even having to discuss this in regards to an able-bodied 40 year old man who seemingly wasn't raised by feral animals.

If he can’t recognise the issues and put them right then tell him that you’ve made an appointment at the doctors and that you’ll go to this appointment together. He might have a medical problem that could be caught early.

@Aquamarine1029

It's how he's getting his pubic hair into the fridge that's really got me puzzled.

It's not that hard to imagine.
Obviously this man isn't showering before getting into bed with his not-properly wiped hairy arse.

this!

absolutely say no to sex and tell him ‘you are a woman of high standards, what did he expect!’

make it clear there will be no sex until he sorts himself out. You have no obligation to his needs if he doesn’t feel the same way about yours. Simple.

Easy to imagine- standing in front of fridge, hand in pants, pubes on the fingers, hand in the fridge. Disgusting

He’s disgusting. I’d have puked at the phlegm thing, very sensitive gag reflex!

Love, being revolted by shit stains on the sheets, pubes on the water jug and sucking phlegm off your arm is not fucking nit-picking, it's being a normal human being.

If you'd drop your knickers for someone like that then you have at it and good luck with the UTI, but it's absolutely fine and reasonable to draw a line at all of those behaviours in a relationship.

Wish I’d not read this. I’m absolutely heaving!! 🤢🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮

Christ love ! Grim as, please read the rules to him or he leaves.
Or you've bagged yourself another 20 years of it.
Thank god im single!!!

Have you asked him?

Could it be he has put on weight and catching his tackle in his shorts/trosuers etc??

A woman were we worked at times kept on a quick 1 second scratch over her dress on her private parts it turned out that she had a shave down there that day or a couple of days ago - could it be DH is shaving his private parts - re finger up nose - possibly suffering from light cold and snot builds up?? I don't know you need to ask him

So very sorry to say this but is he deliberately being this disgusting to force you to leave?

And he thinks being a 'gross man' is sexually attractive to you does he? Would he still be attracted to you if you started behaving like this?