Husband's disgusting habits

[ToastofLandon]

I've been with my husband for 20 years. We have a 10 year old and for the most part we've had a great relationship. He really is my best friend. I don't know if he's getting more gross with age or I'm getting more intolerant in my perimenopausal age, but he's starting to really gross me out and I'm losing attraction for him fast.

He's some recent things I've noticed him doing over the past year:

• Hands always down his trousers. The bathroom is littered with pubes but now all around the house. I've found a pube on the water jug in the fridge and even once on my plate.
• Rubs his nose then doesn't wash his hands. He's got a lot of allergies so itches his nose a lot. I have to tell him to wash his hands or he doesn't do it.
• Shit stain in the bed. This has only happened once, but it's once too many.
• He sneezed phlegm onto his arm and then licked it up. Yes, I'm serious.

I've pulled him up on this many times and he just days "I'm a gross man, what do you expect".

He didn't used to be like this so I don't know what's happening. He gets defensive when I pull him up on it.

Other than that, we get on so well mostly. We share the load pretty equally, he's a great cook and terrific father. But I'm finding his habits hard to live. It's hard enough to keep the fire going after 20 years without this.

Am I being unreasonable? Any advice? Anyone else relate?

He's fucking grim 🤮

DIVORCE. I have a son I can hook you up with instead honey! 😏

By the sound of things he has "no respect" for anyone. Imagine shaking hands with him or touching what he has touched, disgusting

Does he do these things at work? In front of his mother? He can decide not to be gross at certain times I bet and he can't expect you to be attracted to somebody so vile.

I am not sure what’s wrong with ‘Rubs his nose then doesn't wash his hands.’, but the other things are completely disgusting. I can’t fathom why anyone would put up with someone that hawks up phlegm or leaves shit-stains in the bed. Why are your standards so low?

Mumsnet never ceases to amaze me.

He's a good cook?

This is the 2nd thread I've read today about disgusting, dirty men

How can you bear to even look at him again after seeing him lick phlegm off his arm. Even the thought of it is turning my stomach. If I witnessed my partner doing that, I would never be able to get over the ick that it would bring!

So pleased my dh is fastidiously clean.

I feel sick just reading your post op.

Vile, absolutely vile. And remember, your list is the things you've caught him doing. God knows what else he is doing behind your back.

I had an ex like this, his personal habits were disgusting. They were not the main reason we split, but they were right up there on the reasons. Presumably, he is now giving some other poor woman the benefits of his chewed-off toenails and skiddy sheets.

Hands always down his trousers.

Next time he does it, ask him if he is "shaking hands with the unemployed".

When he asks what you mean, simply tell him that with all the gross things he does, you find him deeply unattractive and can't stomach the thought of ever having sex with him again.

The pube thing would be it for me. That's beyond disgusting. So he's touching food and surfaces all over your house with his grubby penis bollock hands and shedding pubes on your food and drink.

You must be joking when you say he's a good cook.

The rubbing nose without washing hands isn't that bad. As long as he blows it with a tissue. Oh, yeah, he licks it off his arm instead...gawd.
He can't have much respect for you if he does this. The pubes, is he trimming them all over the place? Or has he got a fungal infection that's making him itchy and shed pubes? He needs to get that sorted.
As for shitting the bed? That has to be a health issue surely? Does he have a bowel condition? Encourage him to see a doctor.

And tell him straight up these things stop you fancying him and you don't want to sleep with him when he does it.

🤮🤮🤮

Does he do these things at work??

I'd tell him that he is so revolting that you don't want to have sex with him 🤷‍♂️

Hands always down his trousers. The bathroom is littered with pubes but now all around the house. I've found a pube on the water jug in the fridge and even once on my plate.
• Rubs his nose then doesn't wash his hands. He's got a lot of allergies so itches his nose a lot. I have to tell him to wash his hands or he doesn't do it.
• Shit stain in the bed. This has only happened once, but it's once too many.
• He sneezed phlegm onto his arm and then licked it up. Yes, I'm serious.

I've pulled him up on this many times and he just days "I'm a gross man, what do you expect".

..........

My father, husband, brother, son, stepson, brother in laws, children and step children's male partners and my cousins are not disgusting like this.

He is utterly repulsive. Why should you put up with any of that?

House pigs are cleaner.

That’s so gross!

Your problem is you, honestly. How have you allowed your standards to dip so low that you now tolerate this unbelievably disgusting, disrespectful behaviour? That you let your child witness it? That him saying "I'm a disgusting man" is a reasonable answer? The mind boggles.

Yuck

I actually feel sick after reading your description so I'm not sure how you can stomach living with this.
Licking up his phlegm? I would never be able to kiss him again.
Hands always in his pants is disgustingly anyway, but finding pubic hair on your plate and water jug? I just couldn't live like that.

"Other than that, we get on so well" It baffles me that you can get on so well with someone who behaves like this.

He seems to have stopped caring what you think of him.

Oh god I wish I hadn’t opened this thread, I thought this was going to be something like my dh once did, picked his toenails off and put them in a pile on the arm of the sofa 🤢 he did pick them up once all complete and put them in the bin but it was disgusting! I was going to offer solidarity but what you have described has turned my stomach when I already have a chronic hangover. I’m actually repulsed 🫣
Tell him to stop being a clarty bastard and clean up after himself, disrespectful pig.

His response is defensive and he clearly doesn't want to take responsibility for himself.

My only advice is to try and shock him into taking responsibility by making it clear that you are not attracted to him, will not be having sex with him and may have to consider leaving him if he doesn't start respecting himself, you and dc by not doing such disgusting things.

I love my husband to death and we've been very happy for 18 years but I genuinely think I'd divorce over this. I want to live with an adult human, not a chimpanzee, and I refuse to be disrespected in a relationship.

My ex was filthy. He would whine like a toddler when I asked him to shower, he would go days without having any sort of wash or brushing his teeth.

He used to use his toothbrush to clean the sink after brushing his teeth.

He used to pinch the end of his foreskin to let the pee balloon up, then let it all out at once. It was a "fun" game. Except his dick always stank of piss and cheese.

His fingernails were always long and black.

He stank.

He would get hay-fever and make these back of the throat hacking noises, and snort in such a way it was extremely loud. He always "forgot" to take antihistamines.

He talked and chewed with his mouth open when eating and you'd see everything, while being sprayed with food.

Absolutely vile fucker and I was glad to escape.

Tell him to stop being a clarty bastard

A clarty bastard is the correct way to describe OPs husband or any man who is gross and vile.

😂😂😂

Absolutely disgusting. Some of the other posts in the thread make me feel physically sick.
The way some men don't even have to meet the lowest possible threshold as fit for a normal healthy adult existence let alone a relationship, and yet manage to land a woman who will willingly live with them and fuck them never fails to amaze me. How is being single the undesirable alternative than being with such a stomach churning man?!

I'm legit heaving. What a grotbag.