Becoming a mum has ruined my life

[Topel]

The problem is I love my beautiful, innocent baby beyond comprehension. My heart has expanded - but very much to the detriment of my well being

Before having kids horrible stories of child abuse would of course make me sad but now I am a mother whenever I hear of a child being abused/harmed I spiral emotionally. I grieve for the child. In manifests as intense anxiety, nausea and light headedness. It’s not a case of transferring the harm onto my child. Just knowing a child has suffered hurts.

I know my child is safe and well. But knowing that millions of children are suffering is almost unbearable.

What is wrong with me??

How old is your baby? How are you feeling apart from this? You might be seeing things differently as your life has changed with the arrival of your baby or you might be experiencing postnatal depression or anxiety.

Nothing is wrong with you. You’ve been opened wide emotionally.

this has happened to me and I’ve heard a lot of women say the same thing.

If you feel it’s becoming all consuming please talk to your GP or health worker.

I feel everything 10x more deeply than I did before having children, it’s as if I’ve had 5 layers of skin ripped off

Hormones. Your life hasn’t been ruined you are just flooded with oxytocin and feeling very protective over innocent babies and children. It’s nature’s way of making you protect your child.
I was like this too as a new mom. Still find these stories absolutely heartbreaking but not as over whelming as before.
How old is your baby?

Baby is 7 months.

I think it’s normal for your feelings to change after having a child. The suffering of children affects me more strongly since I have become a mum.

But the severity of the physical symptoms you are experiencing and the fact you feel these feelings are running your life isn’t normal. How’s your mental health more generally? How old is your baby?

This is normal, now you have experienced how vulnerable and innocent children are it's like your heart is forever worn outside your body.

A Mother's love... and all that

in retrospect, I have been dealing with low level anxiety for years. Just became accustomed to the butterflies. Never experienced panic attacks so never assumed I needed treatment. Looking back this was a mistake.

I feel fine besides this issue of hyperfixating on child abuse. I had normal baby blues but have gotten over the worst.

I experienced the exact same thing and felt a huge guilt when I thought of all the children in the world who have so little or are abused. I held my own children closer, did some charity work and the intense feelings passed after around 2 years.

A news story involving child abuse popped up on my phone earlier and I had the most visceral response. There was a jolt of adrenaline or something. I felt startled, as if I had dodged a heavy object being thrown at my head. This was followed by nausea and butterflies.

I remember on several occasions being absolutely inconsolable after hearing/reading news stories about horrendous abuse suffered by children. I actively tried to avoid anything like this but one came on the radio when I was driving and another literally straight on the news when I turned the TV on after actively trying to avoid reading about that particular story. I felt the pain very intensely so I completely get it

I don’t think it helps that the way these things are reported on seems to be more graphic than I remember it being years and years ago!

To a degree I think this is very, very common - perhaps a near-universal experience for mothers of babies and young children. I've often thought the world would be a much more peaceful place if mothers were in charge because the very idea of war, and the pain and suffering of the children caught up in it, is simply unbearable.

I've found these feelings become less intense as my children got older and now they are teenagers I feel more like I did before I became a mother. The compassion is still there but I don't feel it in the same visceral way any more.

That being said, if your feelings are affecting you on a daily basis and interfering with your ability to enjoy motherhood and your baby, then it would probably be worth exploring some support.

I couldn’t stop thinking about a news story involving a toddler recently. Makes me feel sick whenever I think about it.

Possible trigger...

Hey OP, I'm a medical professional, and pre my 2 year old boy, considered myself quite 'hard' and could work with families who had committed awful things and hear/see awful things and although it upset me, I could swiftly move on.

I once looked after the Head of child homicide in my capacity as a health care professional. I distinctly remember consoling her as she sobbed at the thought of going back to work, and remember her asking how she could ever do the same job again now she was a mum...didn't get it at the time as I assumed one could detach themselves.

Now I really, really struggle to hear some of the stuff I have to deal with at work and I cannot, for the life of me, stop thinking about the little toddler that fell in the river and who still hasn't been found. It's affected me quite deeply so you have my sympathies. I deal with it by acknowledging how lucky I am and then swiftly distracting myself.

I think it’s normal. DH and I can’t watch/ read anything with child abuse themes anymore either. Just can’t do it. Before I had DC it would make me angry and sad but after DC it felt overwhelming and as you describe nausea, this feeling of being punched in the stomach or my stomach dropping.

The disgust I feel for people who actively choose to harm children or neglect them is also very intense.

It's common, but not normal.

OP go and see the doc. Sounds like you have anxiety anyway but that this has been exacerbated by the birth of your dc. This could easily get worse and you end up having a panic attack that literally paralyses you.

Speaking from experience.

I’ve got two small children and similar feelings here. I could watch a film before where a child was hurt and think it was a bit sad. Now it’s unbearable and I have to turn it off immediately

I think it’s somewhat normal. I now can imagine my own child in awful stories I hear and so yes it makes me feel sick.

I experienced similar in the first year of motherhood. It gets better but it never goes away. I was never like this before kids. Motherhood is life changing in the most amazing ways and in the worst ways 😔

I’m going against the grain here. It’s normal to feel a deeper emotional connection with such stories but spiralling into intense anxiety with physical symptoms isn’t the norm. I think you should ask for a referral to the post natal mental health team.

yep I am the same since having babies ( not anxiety inducing though) I used to really not be effected by the Africa Oxfam adverts on tele or stories in the press of bad things happening to kids, but now- Jesus I well up everytime! It

I also find hearing about child abuse extremely distressing, I deleted Twitter because I saw a video i wish I hadn't seen. But if you're becoming fixated on these stories it sounds like you're possibly suffering from intrusive thoughts, which is part of anxiety - very common when you have young children and seeing a GP will help with this.

I think a lot of mums go through this to a lesser extent but they can get on with life.

We can’t take on everyone’s pain to the degree that we end up grieving, spiralling and having physical symptoms on a regular basis though.

To have such intense feelings as to say they are ruining your life is a sure sign that you need to see your GP.

I've always been very emotional relating to children and so upset at the pain that I feel they have had.
This has carried across now to animals which I'm linking to having our own dog. It's not just that I feel sad about how awful it is that the abuse happens but its like I feel the emotion from the animal ie when it's been abandoned I feel like I'm feeling their confusion and distress.
I've also had to stop podcasts etc because of things happening to kids/animals. One time I was driving and I had switch it off and I was immediately in tears.
I'm being more aware of what I'm letting myself hear/see!

There’s nothing wrong with you. And it’s not just women. Before DD was born DH was a bit of an emotional void. Now he cries at absolutely everything - films, TV shows, charity adverts, everything.