Becoming a mum has ruined my life

[Topel]

The problem is I love my beautiful, innocent baby beyond comprehension. My heart has expanded - but very much to the detriment of my well being

Before having kids horrible stories of child abuse would of course make me sad but now I am a mother whenever I hear of a child being abused/harmed I spiral emotionally. I grieve for the child. In manifests as intense anxiety, nausea and light headedness. It’s not a case of transferring the harm onto my child. Just knowing a child has suffered hurts.

I know my child is safe and well. But knowing that millions of children are suffering is almost unbearable.

What is wrong with me??

I felt exactly the same OP.

I did need some counselling to help me get to grips with the fact I can't save every one, but it also helped me learn that maternal instincts as strong as hell, and this is a common experience, and I get a lot of relief campaigning for women's and children's rights to safety, better maternity care and better postpartum care and learning that other people also do this.

It honestly felt like I was cruising in life, no real sense of purpose, never experienced job satisfaction and then I had my son and I had something I wanted to protect and putting my energy into doing meaningful things gave me purpose.

I hope you feel less alone knowing that it's a very common experience, and it's OK to ask for help.

I used to think I had somehow accidentally shaken my first baby. I still sometimes have visions, especially concerning my second child, of one of them falling overboard on a ferry or off a building when I am trying to fall asleep.

I do have anxiety and it was awful when they were small. It's better now they are nearly 10 and nearly 7 and I am medicated for my mental health, but I still worry about something terrible happening to them, and when I see something awful in the news I can't help but apply it to them.

It's not 'normal' per se, but it is certainly common. I know many people who have had the same problems. If it's starting to really affect your life and enjoyment of your child, there's no shame in seeking help. For me, medication doesn't stop the thoughts but it stops them sticking and taking hold for the most part.

Hi. Nothing wrong with you, I think it’s something nearly all mums go through. I’ve spoken with friends about this and we all have it. I cant watch anything to do with Gaza and the babies in makeshift ICUs. Breaks my heart. The first time something popped up on my phone and I watched it I spent days googling to see what became of the babies - luckily most from the particular report I’d seen were removed to Egypt not long after. I still avoid the news and I know that’s terrible because I’ve always loved learning and knowing about the world around me but I just can’t handle if I see one bad news story!
It does get a little better as your hormones level out (if it’s early days for you!)

Reading the news is not very good for us I think.

I don’t even read stories that I think will be really upsetting or gruesome any more - my brain doesn’t need horrible images bouncing around inside.

Yes may be someone needs to bear witness, but if it makes you feel awful do not do it - it doesn’t assuage their suffering in any way.

I too, experienced this OP. My baby is 8 months old. I've always been highly empathetic (psychotherapist) and feel things very deeply. Always felt dreadful and tearful reading about dreadful things happening to children. But it's a whole other level now. I just cannot bare to watch any news item or documentary about any harm coming to children. Physically turns my stomach.

I cannot dwell on this awful world too much or it will destroy me. Their innocence is too pure. They are so special and unaware of this world. It's beyond precious. All we can do is give them the best childhoods we possibly can, and all the love, support, encouragement and praise we can.

To quote 2pac 😂 "we left them a world that's cursed, and it hurts".

I had a close friend becoming a mum after years of infertility and she asked me joking why I was teh only one not advising her on the baby so I smiled and told her I will only give her one advise . Prepare for feeling a live so unconditional like you never felt before , more than your partners. , your nephews your parents ever where in receipt of , the day after her baby was born she messaged me to say OMG I never understood what you told me u til now , I wasn’t prepared for how much I love him . Becoming a mum changes your whole perspective . It’s part of the role . Just keep an eye on it as anxiety tends to creep in with really empathetic people . I have the same issue .

I too felt real sadness and emotional pain hearing of the murder of a baby shortly after son was born.

I still see images in my head of a news picture of her.

It is like my brain took a snapshot of that poor baby girl.

Maybe some cognitive behavioural therapy might help?

The feelings passed in time, but I'm much more sensitive now than beforehand.

I avoid any news stories like this as just so upsetting- and it does no good to see them.

God help those who work in child protection.

This is really common. It's awful.

This isn't unusual and I had this after becoming a mother, although not as profoundly as you describe. My advice is to switch off the news... don't read it, don't watch it - go cold Turkey. My life has improved considerably since I switched it all off. Also tell yourself that you can't help others but you can love your baby all you can and try and give them the best life possible, that's all you can do.

I thought I was going crazy.

Need to speak to my GP. I can’t live like this.

It's quite normal I just avoid anything like that including the news

@Topel Don't feel ashamed or embarrassed, definitely do speak to your GP if you feel like your anxieties are getting out of control. What's normal for one person might be unbearable for someone else. You sound like an amazing, loving, caring mum, do whatever is right for you to enable you to find a good balance and feel settled. You are not alone, everyone is going through something. And your GP or health visitor or private counselling might be really helpful for you. I never regretted doing it. Good luck, I'll be thinking of you.