To stop my DC from seeing their grandparents

[Rowrowrowyourboat2024]

Bit of a back story - my younger DB & I were always treated differently when growing up and he's now happily married, owns own home with 3 dc , he works FT and his wife is fortunate to work term time only.

I am a single parent , work part time, all year round, 3 DC and their dad is not involved (my parents cannot bear their dad so we don't mention him when we go there so it doesn't start any arguements)

We have gone round today so they can see the DC - I am low contact by choice but I make the effort for my DCs sake and, as always, their cousins were there having been collected from school last night , treated to magazines and toys and a trip out to the zoo ths morning.

They are forever providing childcare for my DB and his wife - citing they are married and therefore entitled to a break , I made a choice to become a single parent and therefore have to forgo having a life of my own (their words, not mine) so they never watch my DC I have asked on a couple of occasions and have always been told no.

When we left today, my two eldest DC (age 6 and 7) were completely distraught and saddened about how noticeably different they are treated compared to their cousins - all the toys their are "their cousins toys and can only be played with if their cousins allow them to play" , the snacks are their cousins- my 3 year old had a meltdown because there were only 3 ice lollies left and their cousins got to sit and eat them

AiBU to stop my DC having contact ?

OP - do your children a favour and do not let them be treated this way. Go non contact and make sure your children know it’s not them and they deserve to be treated fairly and are loved.

Your parents sound awful and it must be really hard to have no support but you’re better off on your own than putting up with that!

I hope you’ve got some good friends to help and vent to.

You would be unreasonable to subject your children to this treatment.

Why do you put yourself through it, and them too? Sounds awful.

Please protect your DC from witnessing the favouritism ever again.

Stop your dc having contact along with yourself - what awful people. Does your brother have anything to say? Or I’d go nc with him as well.

I don't even know why you're asking to be honest?

Very sorry your parents treated you, and now your DC, like this. Think your mistake was seeing your parents ‘for the DCs’ sake’ when given the ongoing problems with your parents it’d actually be better for the GC to have low contact.

I had low contact with my GPs for good reasons and it was explained to me in a balanced, age appropriate way.

I make the effort for my DCs sake

What positives do you think your children are getting out of that?

Fucking hell. just stop taking them, that's awful.

Your parents are sick and twisted. There's no scenario in which this is anything but appalling. For your children's sake - and your own - draw a line and stop all contact. And don't you dare feel guilty about it!

They bully you - don’t let them damage your children too.

Step away from them all & do not be available when your parents want you to provide elderly care for them because db & wife won't.

Your parents sound awful. Your kids have noticed that they are treated differently to their cousins, so it’s time to stop bothering having a relationship with your parents.

I’m sorry you have not got halfway decent parents, Op, not your fault they are like this with you and your family.
Please don’t subject yourself or your children to this treatment any longer, and explain why when they are old enough to understand.

Your parents are nasty vindictive idiots, with the inteligience of a flea.
Stop seeing these hateful people and letting your children see this petty favouritism.
They are also making the other Grandchildren entitled spoilt brats. It won't do them any favours later on.
As for your sibling needing a break because he is married is weird, as a single parent working full time you need it more.

"Bit of a back story - my younger DB & I were always treated differently when growing up"

Don't put your own kids through the same experience!
I wouldn't go so far as to block contact. But I would stop making any effort to initiate it, so that if the grandparents want to have a relationship they need to put the effort in themselves.
I might also insist that they only see your kids when the other grandchildren are not around to avoid any possible difference in treatment.

Came back to say this, DO NOT care for them when they are old, your DB can repay the years of child care and ice lollies.

Your poor DC! What positives do your parents bring to their lives? I’m guessing none so cut them off.

Given that your children have noticed the difference in the way they are treated, you can now bin that notion of "I make the effort for my DCs sake".
Your parents don't just sound awful, they are awful. I'm sorry OP.
For me, it would be step away completely and fuck them.

My MIL bought one ice cream on holiday once when 3 grandchildren were present. We went LC after that and my girls still joke about it now as adults.

Just go NC. It’ll be a relief to all of you.

Your parents treated you unfairly

Now they're treating you AND your children unfairly

I'm assuming that talking to them about the unfairness won't bring about a positive change?

If so - go NC

For always

Of course yanbu. Boundaries, you need to install them to protect your DC.

Your parents are never going to change.

I don't have kids but I never cease to be so appalled that grown adults can differentiate between children and make it so obvious that some get so much more than others within a family set up.

Your parents are horrible, if they were mine I don't think i'd be able to keep quiet. Your poor kids. 😔

Op I'm really sorry for you and the kids. I just don't understand ppl like this. how can they love one child (your brother) and not you? How can they agree to look after one set of grandchildren but not the other set. How do they justify this to themselves?? If it were me op I'd tell them how hurtful this situation is for you and the kids and just ask how on earth they can watch your kids cry for an ice lolly ... if it were me and there's only three ice lollies either I share it between all the kids into bowls or no ones having any. It's not hard. Advise them seen as your children are not loved by their grandparents you won't be visiting. I really hope you follow thru op. I know it's easy to say and hard to do but I have been there with my inalws and I watched my hubby go nc with them because the toxic behaviour was too much and actually going nc with them has been a weight of his shoulders not having to deal with them and their abuse. Don't allow these ppl to hurt you and those babies of yours.

Thanks for all your comments, I don't know what went through my head taking them there but leaving there and hearing how upset my DC were has made me realise NC is the best way

I've tried speaking to them about it before but they manage to spin it round and my DF in particular screams and shouts and calls Me all manner of names

My DB and SIL didn't even acknowledge or say bye to myself let alone my DC and their walls are adjourned with photographs of their DC because they don't see it as an issue or why it would be an issue