To stop my DC from seeing their grandparents

[Rowrowrowyourboat2024]

Bit of a back story - my younger DB & I were always treated differently when growing up and he's now happily married, owns own home with 3 dc , he works FT and his wife is fortunate to work term time only.

I am a single parent , work part time, all year round, 3 DC and their dad is not involved (my parents cannot bear their dad so we don't mention him when we go there so it doesn't start any arguements)

We have gone round today so they can see the DC - I am low contact by choice but I make the effort for my DCs sake and, as always, their cousins were there having been collected from school last night , treated to magazines and toys and a trip out to the zoo ths morning.

They are forever providing childcare for my DB and his wife - citing they are married and therefore entitled to a break , I made a choice to become a single parent and therefore have to forgo having a life of my own (their words, not mine) so they never watch my DC I have asked on a couple of occasions and have always been told no.

When we left today, my two eldest DC (age 6 and 7) were completely distraught and saddened about how noticeably different they are treated compared to their cousins - all the toys their are "their cousins toys and can only be played with if their cousins allow them to play" , the snacks are their cousins- my 3 year old had a meltdown because there were only 3 ice lollies left and their cousins got to sit and eat them

AiBU to stop my DC having contact ?

Was going to ask how your DB sees it but your update is sad.
How awful for them to be treating you so differently from your DB, using childcare of their DGC as a way of rewarding the child whose lifestyle they prefer, and to be treating their grandchildren with such favouritism. They are not kind people and I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. Hope you can show your kids that they are loved and that your parents' behaviour is unacceptable.

You will never win. You cannot change toxic people, it will always be your fault. The trick is to stop expecting them to change and just live your life.

Spinning it round back on you is gaslighting.

The ice lollies would be the straw that broke the camel's back for me.

OP,
It feels like you've had a lifetime of not being loved, appreciated and treated like you matter, and it seems that you are almost uncertain that what you are doing is right.

I want you to think about how it feels to know that you and your sibling are the same to your parents and should be treated equally, how does that feel? The sentiment your children will feel about their Grandparents would be similar, why are cousins pictures around, but not mine? Why do cousins go to the zoo and not us? Why are cousins always staying, but not us?
These are not concerns children should grow up with.

Please fuck them off out of your life, pair of vile fuckers, and your brother for good measure.

You'll find that there will be friends who act more like family than they ever have to you and your kids.

They sound horrible. I wouldn't bother with them xx

So sorry you had to go through this. It must have been especially hard as your children noticed. I don't know how you could do that to children - your own flesh and blood. And shame on you Brother and his wife for not pulling up his/your parents on their behaviour.

Of course you are right to step back. Their behaviour is hurtful and impacting your children. They are not an afterthought or second best - your parents don't deserve them.

Your parents are vile and abusive. Your update is even worse than your initial post. I'm sorry that you have had the misfortune to have these people as parents. Please don't inflict them on your DC anymore. There are no positives here for you or them, just negatives.

I think allowing the other cousin to eat treats in front of them and play with toys they're not allowed to use is actually a form of abuse . There is no way they should be going back there unfortunately. I know thats tough on you since you won't have any help .It's very strange behaviour indeed .

No contact. Not even low contact, just no contact at all. Your parents are awful. Your brother and his wife sound just as bad. You don't need that type of toxicity in your life.

Your parents are vile.

I'm so sorry.

You chose low contact though, why are you surprised your dc relationship with them suffers for it?

I would go no contact tbh but I would write to them saying pretty much what you've posted here including that your children are aware of the difference.
You're protecting them from abuse .
Weirdly my dbil was very much favourite child. Didn't bother my dh as much as it bothered me because it was his childhood norm .
My ds and dn opened gifts from dmil and dfil together once .
The shock on everyone's face as the disparity between them was laid out to this day makes me annoyed.
Dmil had desperately tried to get the kids to open them once at home .
The difference was dsil and dfil were horrified .
Tbh dmil died a few yrs later so my ds wasn't old enough to work out what was repeating.

Her being low contact is a reason for her parents to treat her children like crap?

I'm so sorryOP for you and your children.

This is not how you treat people. They are emotionally abusive. And just plain vile.

Protect your children from this awful behaviour.

I don't think you can 'try talking to them ' at this stage.

They sound like they just make it your fault and had light you. They are awful.

Be kind to yourself OP. Be kind to your children . These people are not kind.

Jesus wept! Stop this now!

Stop torturing yourself and your poor children. I’m thinking this is one of the worst things I’ve read here☹️.

Yanbu

Sorry Sarah, I can’t give you a lolly, because we rarely hear from your mom.

Are you serious?

Sorry to be harsh OP as I know they're your parents but they sound like utter cunts and I'd never speak to them again.

Your parents are dicks. Continuing this relationship will do more harm to your children than going NC.

Email this thread to them too.

Oh fgs

Her parents don't WANT* *more contact!

I cannot imagine treating my children differently let alone their DC. I would stop seeing them. They obviously don't care which is very sad but cultivate some friendships where you can reciprocate with babysitting although I appreciate being a single parent makes it difficult. Just focus on your DC.

Did they say anything? Did anything change?

How absurd and victim blaming.