Mil and dh : dirty old woman pic

[Isthisweird1]

I have two dds but I can't imagine talking to a son like this and I certainly can't imagine my dm talking to my db like this....

So.. A few things a while ago over time.

I saw a pic of young teenage dh on the sofa and mil crawling towards him. On back she had wrote " dirty old woman".

Then one day we went round and before she realised I was there she draped her arms around his neck like a lover and complained of the heat ".

A family friend once said she told them, having a nice husband wasn't necessary if you had a son.

But she never complements him and puts him down which is strange?

OP, you've had some strange responses here. At a guess it sounds like your DH's Mum is a dramatic type who is being overtly territorial with him in front of you to show her self importance. Hence the draping and the clingyness when she sees him. Sorry if l've missed it but is your husband's Dad still around as l'm wondering what he thinks of her behaviour.
You say she also puts your DH down a lot and they don't have a close relationship so l'm guessing this display is all for your benefit.
I'm not sure about the photo unless it was some kind of silly joke. Have you asked your husband if he remembers it?

MIL sounds like a total perv. At best really peculiar.

No idea why so many posters are being such arseholes. They’re almost as immature as DH’s mother.

Some parents don’t respect the boundaries they should. There’s a Sons & Lovers, Gertrude-Hamlet vibe. And it may be intentional acts of possessiveness in front of you.

A friend of mine had a bf with a similar dynamic with his mother, it really unsettled her.

I’m sorry for your DH that he’s had to experience this in addition to her put downs. I can see why he wouldn’t have a warm or close relationship with her, he needs to maintain his own boundaries.

@Seaoftroubles

She stopped as soon as she saw me, I was hidden behind him waiting to get in, single file and she sort of gave a little laugh and oh.. Didn't realise you were there.

Yes her husband, dh still around.

The only thing that I find concerning in all this is the comment on the back of the photo.

Affectionate cuddling, especially from someone from a continental European culture, I wouldn't be too concerned about.

But the caption on the photo...Yuck. And also just ???? I don't understand it. Don't understand why she thought it would be funny to write that.

Did she write it in English? How good is her English? Could something be lost in translation?

I think I would have to ask her, OP. Just ask "I don't understand this comment; what do you mean?"

Can you ask your husband? First about the photo. Then a few weeks later about emotional boundaries

Did she write Dirty old woman in her language or yours? Or are you both from the same country? Or are you fluent in her language? Could you have misinterpreted her language?

I don't understand why you haven't aired your worry to oh?

So what actually are you going to do OP?

Unless you mention the EU country or maybe generalise, like "south/Mediterranean", "north" or "eastern Europe", it makes it harder to say. It gives me the ick and the boak. If I were you, I would mention it to DH!

I'd ask her in front of everyone if she understands what the word incest means & watch her reaction.

Weird thread , worried OP , batshit ML .

i agree could be language barrier, lost in translation
anyway i wouldnt mention incest in front of her that would be awkward.

She speaks English well and has been here since mid 20s. It was written in English.

why do you have the photo?
why dont you ask her?

@Willmafrockfit

I don't have the photo? They have family photos in albums and some loose and I saw it?

These things didn't all happen on the same day.
I think asking her about it a few months down the line would be odd.

you will just have to wait for the opportunity

And as well as awkward lobbing a word like that at her is actually very pointed and immature.

And I also agree language barriers can exist even where the speaker is generally fluent. Even on MN there has been a thread raging as to the exact meaning/ offensiveness of adding “ or what“ at the end of a comment and I’m assuming many of the posters are native English speakers. When you also overlay cultural differences - and yes, racist-hunters, they exist in all their glory to enrich cultural heritages and keep us a bit varied and interesting as humans - it could be something a bit lost in translation. For instance the French ( and some other Europeans) don’t get the ick in the same way if you talk about little children being girlfriend and boyfriend. In uk, us, Australia, New Zealand and Canada it is culturally a bit off to imply a gender attraction between children. We like to play it down and desexualise all child interactions to a much greater extent. But that doesn’t mean other cultures have reached a state of inappropriate.

BUT I think you are right to have an eyebrow raised. I would from what you have said.

I think you also need to clarify what you are trying to achieve. Were you posting just for perspective check and will do no more? Or do you worry DH has been impacted in some way and want to explore that with him? Or do you want to expect z change in MIL’s behaviour? The latter I suspect is doomed to failure; but it may be you want to get to the bottom of the dynamic before there are Dcs on the scene.

She what’s to be the number one women in his life and is doing it in the way she thinks a young man / man wants .

no boundaries .

as op said if this was a man ok sofa with teenage girl and had written what the mother has he would be all sorts.
I think the mail is weird and needy and attentions seeking .
Id ask your dh about the picture comment though or mail what she ment .

Id be creeped out by this too

Wonder why she'd write in English? 🤔

Most sensible post on this thread so far

You have no idea how accurate the OP's description of any of this is.

Her tone is very emotional and as others have pointed out, there could be many different interpretations.

I can't see how an adult woman can 'crawl' across a sofa, (it's a photo, not a film for a start) and it's all a bit weird- like the OP's username.

Maybe she was just stating facts. My son who is 20 creeps up behind me, wraps his arms around my neck and tells me he loves me. Has done for years. I would astounded if he found me in anyway attractive even if wasn't his mum. Biologically your programed not to fancy your offspring, it's bad for your gene pool. We might seem weird to stiff upper lip types but he is better reaching out for a hug than saying he is down.

Some parents don’t respect the boundaries they should. There’s a Sons & Lovers, Gertrude-Hamlet vibe. And it may be intentional acts of possessiveness in front of you.

@Mirabai You've forgotten the Greek tragedies.

Does your H have an Oedipus complex @Isthisweird1 ?

I hadn’t. Jocasta had already been mentioned.

Just because his mother has poor boundaries doesn’t mean it’s coming from him - re Oedipus.