What is this insane and desperate need for other school mums attention/approval etc?

[Brainded]

Just about that really? Several threads this morning on other school mums and whether the OP is liked etc? Why are people so bothered? These other mums surely have little to no relevance in your life? I drop my kids and I go to work, I pick them up and I go home. I couldn’t be bothered or interested in the other school mums! Sometimes I don’t even get out of the car! And yes I’m on the class WhatsApp and yes my children still get invited to parties and play dates. These people are just that…they are my children’s classmates parents! Surely we don’t NEED them to be approving of us. I just don’t get it. I don’t really know what my AIBU is? But surely I’m not alone in thinking this!??!

I don’t know but it’s a valid question OP. Who really gives a fuck what other parents think? I literally don’t interact with parents because I just don’t want too🤷‍♀️

This exact thing has happened to me! So fucking weird.

I get it. They’re just not as resilient as you.

I think it depends on the school as well. DD’s primary is really into being a community and we are all expected to be very engaged, there are weekend events etc and a lot of expectations that you attend etc. I can honestly say the majority of the parents are really lovely and are also trying their best to be pleasant and kind to one another.

But there are others who are very strategic and absolutely can be very cold towards the “wrong” people. You basically are in a weird situation where you are forced into close proximity to people who you may not have otherwise met/hung out with. I’ve had people literally turn their back on me to exclude me from a conversation.

I do my best to say hi to people who look a bit lost and then include them in conversation’s etc. I think it’s just civil and I want everyone to feel welcome, I said hi to one mum who was extremely quiet and hung back a lot and was basically ignored, now she plonks herself down for a chat when we see each other at parties. I think it makes for a nicer environment when everyone feels like people are happy to see them.

But still, bring on secondary school

I mean, well done you? I have the same approach to them really, so don’t think the attitude is unreasonable really, but surely it’s understandable that sometimes people seek human connection. Being a mum can be very isolating and often other friends drop out of your life. If you do feel lonely and lacking in friends, don’t think it’s strange to look at some mothers forming really solid bonds and hoping that will also happen for you, and therefore it bothering you when you have a disappointing experience.

I’m pretty lonely when it comes to friendships and very much miss having close girlfriends. But I also work a lot and my career is super important to me so it hasn’t been that compatible with making school mum friends. However when I have had the opportunity, I have found it quite difficult as I’m quite shy and found I am often left out. And yes, when you feel quite lonely, it does sting a bit, especially when you don’t get other opportunities to make connections with people.

Surely you can comprehend that? There’s no need to somehow behave as though being ‘above it all’ is so obvious.

Just about that really? Several threads this morning on other school mums and whether the OP is liked etc? Why are people so bothered? These other mums surely have little to no relevance in your life? I drop my kids and I go to work, I pick them up and I go home. I couldn’t be bothered or interested in the other school mums! Sometimes I don’t even get out of the car! And yes I’m on the class WhatsApp and yes my children still get invited to parties and play dates. These people are just that…they are my children’s classmates parents! Surely we don’t NEED them to be approving of us. I just don’t get it. I don’t really know what my AIBU is? But surely I’m not alone in thinking this!??!

Err I've made a ton of lovely mates through my kids school parents @Brainded

It just happened along the way. No over analysis needed.

From your AIBU does that mean it's because I NEEDED their approval?

That I'm somehow lacking, in comparison to you OP, because I am bothered and interested in them?

You don't get it? 🤷‍♀️

So what?

Person makes gets to know other person they see on a regular basis. They have interests, SoH etc in common . They become friends.
Big Deal.

" insane and desperate need "

Nah OP, I just made friends. You know, in the ordinary way.

It was by the by that they were school parents.

You sound hung up on it.

maybe I have a bit more resilience and I don’t need a whole lot of validation from other parents at the school gate.

🤦‍♀️

Yep because making friends is " validation".

There I was thinking I was saying hi to people I'd got to know over time in a friendly way and I was just showing " a lack of resilience "

It used to upset me a lot but I mostly cba with it all now.

I missed out on most of the school run for nursery because I worked. When I went on maternity during reception, there was already a large clique and I used to feel so awkward and out of place. Especially because DD is the opposite of me - really bubbly, popular and still gets invited to every single party going! I'd just sit there on my own all the time whilst the clique chatted. Sometimes a mum would chat to me a bit but then not speak to me at the school gates so I eventually just stopped bothering with people.

DD went to a party at the weekend and I noticed none of the clique were there. It was all of the "outsider" parents. The ones who just dash in and out, the ones who work, the ones who have grandparents do the school run and it was so refreshing! I realised how many normal, nice mum's there are but I just didn't realise because I only noticed the catty clique.

@sunglassesonthetable calm down. There’s a huge difference between making friends in and getting hung up on whether the “clique” at the school gate likes you which is what I was referrIng to and I think you know that. But no I don’t think I’m above anybody.

sun 😂

There’s a huge difference between making friends in and getting hung up on whether the “clique” at the school gate likes you which is what I was referrIng to and I think you know that. But no I don’t think I’m above anybody.

Calm down yourself.

YOU need to take a look at your wording then. Because you don't say that. At all.

And I'm not the only one that has thought you come over like you're superior in some way.

And you know what that clique is just a group of people who know each other.

@Brainded

@sunglassesonthetable yeah I’m aware of that…I said exactly that! There is no clique imo but I’m not here to argue with you. Thanks

Like with all areas of life, there are some mums on the school run who are odd, there are some that are nice, there are some who are standoff- ish, some who are cliquey, some looking for friendships, some who have no idea what is going on half the time (me!) and some who just want to get their kid and get out.
it’s not worth overthinking it.

@Brainded

Well you put an AIBU that comes over as really critical , calling out the " insane and desperate need for other school mum attention " as opposed to your lack of interest in them which I suppose you see as the optimal way to crack on.

So tbh it's you who's fuelled this.

Going against the grain here, I really like my School Mums. There's a large crowd of Us Mums (& Dads too) at School times, we do after school park visits, Parents nights out, Christmas Parties.. but most of all, it's so comforting to see a friendly face when you're having a crap Morning and they just 'get it'.

Ignore the people going massively OTT. Many of us knew exactly what you meant 🙂

insane and desperate need

not over the top at all

I think you’re getting confided in your fog of self-righteousness. OP is the one who said these “cliques” are something of a myth!

Good for her.

She's also divided school parents into 2 groups.

The not bothered ones ( probably more resilient also ) like her.

And the rest - and we've all read the headline OP.

So pretty clumsy tbh.

And not foggy at all @HotChocolateNotCocoa