Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you find this odd ? Guy I’m dating

77 replies

Star11997 · 15/05/2024 17:45

The guy I’m dating has told me today he’s been out for the afternoon with an old friend. It’s also his mates exs best friend. She’s recently had a baby and is a single parent and he’s gone out with her to meet the baby and went for lunch together and then went to her house. He has told me this quite openly. They plan to meet again soon. Would you find it odd?

OP posts:
XenoBitch · 15/05/2024 18:14

Notamum12345577 · 15/05/2024 18:10

No, but maybe don’t meet up one on one with someone of the opposite sex

Show quote history

Why? What do you think would happen?

LookAtAllThoseRoses · 15/05/2024 18:14

Notamum12345577 · 15/05/2024 18:10

No, but maybe don’t meet up one on one with someone of the opposite sex

Show quote history

Why on earth not? What is it that you think will happen? Do you honestly think you need someone to chaperone you in your encounters with opposite-sex friends?

Original poster
Star11997 · 15/05/2024 18:28

Thanks everyone. He hasn’t seen her in ages but they’ve got back in touch. Just found it odd because she’s been telling him she’s lonely which is fair enough and he’s saying he’s supporting her but wondering if that is ringing alarm bells

OP posts:
tennesseewhiskey1 · 15/05/2024 18:29

No but you clearly do so.

Ratisshortforratthew · 15/05/2024 18:31

No I wouldn’t find it odd.

LookAtAllThoseRoses · 15/05/2024 18:31

Star11997 · 15/05/2024 18:28

Thanks everyone. He hasn’t seen her in ages but they’ve got back in touch. Just found it odd because she’s been telling him she’s lonely which is fair enough and he’s saying he’s supporting her but wondering if that is ringing alarm bells

Well, surely you know if it's 'ringing alarm bells' for you or not? If it's not something you can tolerate, your only option is to stop dating him. Unless you think he should stop seeing someone who's been in his life for far longer than you because you're insecure?

XenoBitch · 15/05/2024 18:32

Star11997 · 15/05/2024 18:28

Thanks everyone. He hasn’t seen her in ages but they’ve got back in touch. Just found it odd because she’s been telling him she’s lonely which is fair enough and he’s saying he’s supporting her but wondering if that is ringing alarm bells

People can and do get lonely, especially after having a child as a single parent.

Or is your new date meant to tell her that he can't support her as a friend because of the genitals he has?

madameparis · 15/05/2024 18:37

Notamum12345577 · 15/05/2024 18:10

No, but maybe don’t meet up one on one with someone of the opposite sex

Show quote history

Why not? I am happily married for 20 years and often meet up for lunch or after work drinks with two different male friends who I went to uni with. I honestly have no idea what on earth is wrong with this. I’ve been friends with them both for 30 years and managed never to have anything other than a nice platonic friendship!

DoreenonTill8 · 15/05/2024 18:38

StarlightLady · 15/05/2024 17:52

As a bisexual woman, this type of post asking about men and women being friends always worries me. Does this type of attitude mean that I can’t have men as friends and l can’t have women as friends? I really have no desire to jump everyone l talk to.

Yes @StarlightLady NO FRIENDS FOR YOU! You are clearly a hussy who must live in a cave! Men people and women people having friendships!!? Gives me the vapours!
(It's quite scary isn't it some mind sets)

madameparis · 15/05/2024 18:41

I wouldn’t be concerned about him meeting up with his old friend, especially with her baby.

CountryMumof4 · 15/05/2024 18:45

My husband and I both have friends of the opposite sex that we've known for a long time (mostly pre-dating our relationship). Neither of us would expect the other to give up these friendships - that's just silly! I'm pretty certain he isn't 'after' his and I wouldn't be jumping the bones with mine.

I guess you need to work out whether or not you have reason to not trust your boyfriend, but it sounds like he's just being a kind friend to this particular woman - and has been open with you about it.

Original poster
Star11997 · 15/05/2024 18:56

I think it’s actually the fact he’s purposefully trying to tell me she’s a single parent and that the babies dad is an idiot etc as if to make a point she’s on her own

OP posts:
soscarlet · 15/05/2024 18:58

Really?! Maybe I’m just too much of a lesbian but I’d consider it a green flag that straight men and women are friends, doesn’t it show that he values women as people even when there’s no sex?

Changingplace · 15/05/2024 18:59

Star11997 · 15/05/2024 18:56

I think it’s actually the fact he’s purposefully trying to tell me she’s a single parent and that the babies dad is an idiot etc as if to make a point she’s on her own

So the fact he’s being really open and honest about the situation is an issue for you?

Notimeforaname · 15/05/2024 18:59

If you went out with a male friend would you be ok with him questioning that? Almost as if he didn't trust you..

CurlewKate · 15/05/2024 19:00

@Notamum12345577 "No, but maybe don’t meet up one on one with someone of the opposite sex"

Why not? In words of one syllable, please.

Notimeforaname · 15/05/2024 19:00

I think it’s actually the fact he’s purposefully trying to tell me she’s a single parent and that the babies dad is an idiot etc as if to make a point she’s on her own
Or...this is a fact and he was sharing that with you. You obviously dont trust this man.

Notimeforaname · 15/05/2024 19:02

Just found it odd because she’s been telling him she’s lonely which is fair enough and he’s saying he’s supporting her but wondering if that is ringing alarm bells
Is it odd to you because you've never had a male friend? If you've only ever had female friends I mean.

Thepeopleversuswork · 15/05/2024 19:04

Notamum12345577 · 15/05/2024 17:49

If you are just newly dating then probably wouldn’t be right for you to be upset about it. However, if you got serious/committed/married I don’t think it would be appropriate. I don’t think people in those scenarios should meet one on one with people of the opposite sex

I’m sorry that’s absurd. So married people aren’t allowed to socialise with members of the opposite sex which predate their marriage?

Hilo88 · 15/05/2024 19:11

Well some men do target lonely single mothers unfortunately.

Alicewinn · 15/05/2024 19:13

No

TammyJones · 15/05/2024 20:13

Hilo88 · 15/05/2024 19:11

Well some men do target lonely single mothers unfortunately.

When I became a single parent , some 30 odd years ago,,,,I had men coming out the woodwork to be 'friends' .. so maybe I'm biased.

Choochoo21 · 15/05/2024 21:03

There’s nothing wrong with it.

They sound like they’re just friends who want to meet up for a catch up.

Some men do have an internal need to provide and protect women who are in need and that’s why single parents get a lot of attention.

So they could genuinely just be friends, but I’d keep an eye out for any other red flags.

a222 · 15/05/2024 21:23

i wouldn’t be happy

he should’ve asked you first too

TeaGinandFags · 15/05/2024 21:31

There's nothing atm to worry about but you're feeling antsy for some reason.

My advice would be to sit tight and see how things go. If you're not invited to meet this friend after a while then retrench. As Oliver Cromwell said, trust in god and keep your powder dry.