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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have done a dash?

51 replies

Flushit · 15/05/2024 16:11

Will try to keep it short…

Been subletting a room from a friend of a friend for 18 months. Let’s call her Chardonnay. She’s on the lease for the flat, I am not and pay her cash, and gave her a month deposit.

She’s quite ‘type A’ and tricky at times, but was okay until her boyfriend dumped her 6 months ago - then she became really moody and unpleasant. Yelling at me and other flat-mate for the smallest of things. Relations broken down entirely almost. I mentioned maybe moving and she hit the roof and declared she’d need 3 months notice, I was to pay for a professional clean of my ( clean, tidy room)… and find a replacement lodger for the room.

So when Chards was at work Monday, I went with a friend and moved all my stuff out. I then sent a message telling her I’d be gone by the time she was back. My rent ( which includes bills) was due this Friday but she has my months deposit still.

Chardonnay went mad, according to other housemate. Left work to come back and catch me but I was long gone, and assumed she wouldn’t give back me back my deposit anyway so we’re quits.

She’s steaming, telling people I left her in the lurch, that I owe her money etc. that she had to leave important work meeting to come back that day.

YABU - the grown up thing would have been to say goodbye in person and stay 3 months.

YANbU - you owe her nothing and it was fine to do a flit.

OP posts:
Original poster
Flushit · 15/05/2024 16:13

I will add that she paid the rent herself before me and other girl moved in and the lease is only in her name. We were cash in hand tenants. She comes from ££

OP posts:
LookAtAllThoseRoses · 15/05/2024 16:17

Don't sublet from friends. If you must, have a proper tenancy agreement which specifies notice periods etc.

And never have a friend called Chardonnay and refer to her as Chards.

Haydenn · 15/05/2024 16:18

Her family money and situation is irrelevant.

Original poster
Flushit · 15/05/2024 16:20

Thanks for the unrealistic renting advice, clearly you've never been poorly paid and living in London!
From now on I’ll only rent Belgravia penthouses for one…😂

OP posts:
Original poster
Flushit · 15/05/2024 16:21

Haydenn · 15/05/2024 16:18

Her family money and situation is irrelevant.

Mmm, well I suppose I put that to emphasis that she’s not going to be on the streets now that her weekend spending money has done a flit.

OP posts:
paintingvenice · 15/05/2024 16:21

You should have given her notice. As is you’ve lost your deposit so if you are happy with that then that’s on you.

You have behaved badly, but as you don’t have a formal agreement you haven’t breached anything, but i don’t think she is in the wrong telling mutual friends you have left her in the lurch- you have.

The fact she comes from money, doesn’t excuse your behaviour or make it in anyway more acceptable. The fact you mention it makes you sound jealous and chippy.

Original poster
Flushit · 15/05/2024 16:24

‘You have behaved badly’

oh, but it feels so good to come home and put the key in the door and not have to worry what version of someone is lurking behind it…

OP posts:
JustPleachy · 15/05/2024 16:25

Was there a notice period discussed when you moved in? If yes, then you should have stuck to it but asked to negotiate it down if you found a replacement lodger. If no, then she had a bit of a cheek springing 3 months on you.

Herdingcatz · 15/05/2024 16:26

I don’t think she is wrong to be angry and tell people why. You didn’t have a formal agreement so I don’t think you can expect professional standards or discretion. You’ve got away with saving a few bob, but people knowing you’ve done a flit is the price you’ve paid.

I hope you’ve found somewhere else, friends might be reticent about living with you in future .

christmascalypso · 15/05/2024 16:29

Don't blame you op after her reaction to you saying you might be moving! She sounds crazy. 3 months notice would have been ridiculous especially with no formal agreement. You're well out of there

Toxicinlawz · 15/05/2024 16:30

Op if there's no contract then you don't owe her three months. at the most someone on a rolling contract only has to give a month's notice (or two at the most I can never remember) and you most certainly don't have to find someone else to move in. leaving the room how you found it and leaving no rubbish behind is the most anyone needs to do, most don't, she's kept your deposit for the months rent so that's you and the bottle of wine done really. Was your deposit in an official scheme ? She can get a massive fine for not protecting your deposit. Ask her for the certificate I'm sure you'll never hear her pop her cork again...🤣🤣🤣

Momstermunch · 15/05/2024 16:32

Live by the sword, die by the sword I say. If you're not prepared to treat people decently, don't be surprised when they treat you the same way. It sounds like she was difficult and unpleasant. She got what she deserved.

CassandraProphesying · 15/05/2024 16:34

Is she allowed to sublet? Is she declaring her rental income? How come she’s holding your deposit if you’ve got no formal agreement?
Ask for your deposit back if the answer to the first two is No….

Couldyounot · 15/05/2024 16:35

She could have turfed you out on no notice (given that you said you were lodging for cash in hand) so I'm not seeing any basis for her to insist on you giving her 3 months

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 15/05/2024 16:38

She sounds thoroughly unpleasant. I don't see that you had any choice really. She'd clearly have made your life a living hell for the notice period. She's got your deposit in lieu of notice. I'd say that's pretty fair, assuming you left the room in a good state.

Original poster
Flushit · 15/05/2024 16:40

CassandraProphesying · 15/05/2024 16:34

Is she allowed to sublet? Is she declaring her rental income? How come she’s holding your deposit if you’ve got no formal agreement?
Ask for your deposit back if the answer to the first two is No….

I have no idea on whether or not she’s allowed to rent rooms but I don’t think the Landlord would care so long as the rents covered. No formal agreement and no deposit in a scheme.
I don’t think for a second she was intending on giving me the deposit ( a month's rent) back anyway.

OP posts:
MagpiePi · 15/05/2024 16:40

CassandraProphesying · 15/05/2024 16:34

Is she allowed to sublet? Is she declaring her rental income? How come she’s holding your deposit if you’ve got no formal agreement?
Ask for your deposit back if the answer to the first two is No….

If it was cash in hand with no formal agreement then she probably didn't declare it to her insurance company or the council (for council tax purposes) that she was subletting.

It sounds like you're well out of it.

Original poster
Flushit · 15/05/2024 16:40

Couldyounot · 15/05/2024 16:35

She could have turfed you out on no notice (given that you said you were lodging for cash in hand) so I'm not seeing any basis for her to insist on you giving her 3 months

That’s true.

OP posts:
redastherose · 15/05/2024 16:43

YANBU if she was being a cow to you why would you suffer through that and all the you've got to find a new tenant bullshit. I don't blame you at all for doing a flit if she went mad when you mentioned moving out.

Just tell people she'd become really difficult to live with, you didn't have a tenancy and she tried to impose a notice period of 3 months when you mentioned wanting to leave and that she has a months rent in hand so you're all paid up for a month while she finds someone else.

If you put the record straight she'll look bonkers to mutual friends (if you have any).

viques · 15/05/2024 16:47

I think that if she was letting a room in the flat where she was the only named tenant then you were her lodger. So no legal shenanigans required, only a weeks polite notice, it’s a shame she has got your deposit, but it sounds as though it is worth losing it to be rid of the stress of living there.

examsexamsexamsexams · 15/05/2024 16:48

We rent out a flat with a proper tenancy agreement etc and it's only a months notice on either side and they've been there for years. She's got your deposit so you've basically given her a months rent anyway.

Original poster
Flushit · 15/05/2024 16:56

examsexamsexamsexams · 15/05/2024 16:48

We rent out a flat with a proper tenancy agreement etc and it's only a months notice on either side and they've been there for years. She's got your deposit so you've basically given her a months rent anyway.

That’s why I timed it… wasn’t massively convenient to move but had a temp place arrange with someone who knows what a pain she’s been since her fella went back to his ex!

OP posts:
OriginalUsername2 · 15/05/2024 16:59

You didn’t behave morally and must repent!

In real life - she’s got your deposit, nothing was in writing and she’s been a bossy, controlling, shrilly nightmare. I’d feel quite triumphant if I were you!

ARichtGoodDram · 15/05/2024 17:03

Wanting more notice than a tenant with a full on tenancy agreement and the protections that come with it is ridiculous on her part. As is the expectation that you find the new lodger.

TinkerTiger · 15/05/2024 17:21

YANBU at all. Lodgers have little rights as it is, she can keep the deposit.

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