Terrified of flying

[Foamburstenergy]

We've booked a luxury holiday that we've been looking forward to for months. Just us without the kids for the first time in 5 years. But there's a 4 hour flight each way.

It's next week now and I'm making myself sick with panic. I can't eat or sleep properly never mind concentrate on my major work project due before I go. I'm now balling my eyes out at leaving my gorgeous toddler behind, though i know it's just my stress.

Please calm me down. Please tell me about all the lovely easy calm flights you've taken recently that have been just fine. And that thousands fly every day and they're all just fine.

Do some people really fly without any anxiety?

I'm so upset at this once in a decade holiday experience being spoilt.

You only have to look on the Flight Radar app to see how many thousands of flights happen every day without incident.
I take it you'll be driving to the airport? That's far more dangerous - apparently.

I studied aerospace engineering as an undergrad and have gone on to spend many hours flying recreationally. The effort that goes on behind the scenes to make flying such a safe way to travel is enormous. Try and relax - design engineers, maintenance personnel, air traffic control, cabin crew and flight crew have all got your back!

Do some people really fly without any anxiety?
Most people I would imagine. Yeah, if I think about all the things that could possibly go wrong it scares me a bit, so I just don't think about it and it's fine!

Honestly go to the gp. My friend was extremely anxious every time she flew but did it yearly for her holiday. It would make her physically unwell and ruin most of her holiday but she continued to fly to not let her family down. Anyway, one year, she said enough and went to the gp and now is prescription something to take for anxiety which she takes starting a week before she flys. She is so much better.

I am also absolutely terrified, would rather not go - BUT, I know I am being absolutely ridiculous and my fear is unfounded.

I just really struggle with my thoughts.

Go to the gp and get some diazepam. You will need about 12mg, you will be fine! X

Try reading the BA flying with confidence book. It’s great.

I used to be seriously terrified and now I pretty much fall asleep as soon as we take off.

If you can't get diazepam, alcohol works really well to stop you feeling terrified.

Airplanes are a miraculous feat of engineering. They are designed to want to fly, and they are very safe.

You know how boats, large or small, float on a cushion of water? That is what planes do, only on air. There is not "nothing" between them and the ground; there is a sturdy invisible cushion of air they are riding on.

You know when your car rumbles over cobblestone roads, but is safe and fine? That is what happens when planes encounter "turbulence." It's no threat safety-wise.

Aircraft are incredible. You will be safe and relatively comfortable. Imagine the awe of people 100, 200 or 1,000 years ago if they could see and experience it.

Good journey!

Look at flight radar and track random flights, watch live streams of airports on youtube where you see planes taking off and landing safely, and alcohol is very useful. I hate flying, and had avoided it for over a decade until recently. I forced myself to go on a family holiday, 4 hour flight, and it was actually OK!
Not sure if I can recommend another forum but will anyway- the Reddit sub 'fearofflying' is brilliant and has lots of actual pilots on there addressing people's concerns.
Not sure I'll ever love flying, but we're already booking next year's hols

I used to take a gin before a flight, and possibly another on board - worked wonders! I did a course for scared flyers a few years ago and at the start we had to say what scared us about flying. I found it fascinating how I found some people's fears quite bizarre, but felt mine were rooted in fact.. helped me to realise mine might not be quite as logical as they felt.

A friend swears by diazepam and got a dose from her GP before she flew.

I used to be the same, I read Flying without Fear which explained all the different noises you hear, and what turbulence is etc. I got some diazepam from my GP too, and I also used a medication app Buddhify selecting the flying option.

We fly 8-10 hour flights. I don’t like flying, but I am much better since I read the book and understood more about it. Flight Radar app is a great suggestion. There are loads coming and going all the time, without incident

I'm the same OP. I'm 44 and I've never left the country. I know that the chances of me ever getting on a flight are zero.
I also won't go on a boat because I have a fear of water 🙈

It's safer than travelling in a car. Look at the staff, and how calm and happy they seem. Some of them have been flying every day for 20 plus years. Ask your GP for some valium. Bring some really nice sandwiches and snacks for the flight, and treat yourself to a few drinks. Bring an eye mask and travel pillow and something you like to listen to, and hopefully you'll snooze for a lot of it. Then you'll be in a lovely exciting place, and it will be so much fun. It's normal to be a bit anxious when you travel, but it's just another mode of transport.

I don’t like flying so I really understand. Honestly you’ll be fine. Take a couple of sleeping tablets and snooze through it!

I was terrified of flying after a particularly bad experience of turbulence taking off in a thunderstorm. But we survived! Because that's what planes are designed to do. But after that experience I would spend the week before a flight having nightmares about flying, would feel nauseous at the airport and would almost have panic attacks while waiting to take off. It was getting to the point where I was seriously considering never flying again - which is not practical seeing as we live on the other side of the Atlantic from our friends and family.
I went to my GP and she prescribed me Xanax - not sure what the equivalent would be in the Uk as I don't think the NHS can prescribe that drug there - and it worked wonders. Made me completely calm, and I'd usually fall asleep before take off and just doze on and off for a few hrs on the flight.
The last 2 flights I've taken I've tried to do it without Xanax, and I was totally fine. The fear has gone. I think part of my anxiety about flying was the feeling of fear, and knowing how stressed and upset I would be at the airport and on the plane. By using Xanax for a couple of yrs I think I managed to disassociate that feeling of stress and panic from flying. It changed my habits and behavior around flying to the point I don't seem to need it anymore.
Now when I get on a plane, I put my noise cancelling headphones on, play some music or a podcast and just enjoy having to sit and do nothing for a few hours. But I'll always make sure I have some medication on standby in case the fear ever returns!

I have flown more than a hundred times, for work and sometimes in combination with up to 4 young children. I have flown all over the world. Sometimes it feels like getting on a bus, a smooth flight, nice view. no worries. Sometimes it bumps up and down a bit, but this does not last long and you have to grin and bear it. Despite all of this, I would consider myself as a nervous flyer, but it isn't down to the flight, it is down to the other people on it. The more you fly the more you realise that it is all OK. To combat the worries I would do the following - a) choose seats with you and your partner together (yes it costs more) good ones are before or behind the exit rows b) get some noise cancelling headphones, sort a good playlist, and stick it on loud c) make sure you have a bottle of water, lipsyl, and a plastic bag if you are in any danger of feeling air-sick, most budget airlines no longer provide them, and when it gets bumpy the loos are out of action, d) get a meal deal in the aiport and take it on with you unless you are going to be fed as part of your flight. Finally do not worry about the flight in itself, it is far safer than just going down the road in your car. Don't make this the thing that stops you going. It is worth it. HTH xx

I always used to get Diazepam from the GP which worked a treat. It’s not that your fears disappear, just that you don’t really care about anything cause you’re just in a happy little fog 😂 However, I’ve heard that many GPs now won’t prescribe it for fear of flying, which is a bummer cause I’m flying to Canada soon and not looking forward to it.

I also read a self help book for this (maybe Fly Without Fear, can't remember) and got some diazepam to get myself back into flying after developing anxiety about it. The book helps tons because if you're like me, you want to understand how it works and overthink these aspects. The book is honest about how it all works and after reading it you realise it is genuinely the safest mode of travel.

You prob have extra anxiety due to leaving the kids, go easy on yourself! You'll come back refreshed and relaxed - but get yourself a flying self help book asap and some mazzies for your outbound flight - don't let this irrational fear spoil your hol - read the book as quick as possible prior to flying and have the mazzies in your bag to take on board if you NEED to but after the book you'll prob be fine. Your return flight will be an absolute breeze. Have a wonderful time x

Thanks for posting this. I'm a nervous flyer and posts like yours are so helpful.
I'm doing by first long haul flight in 10 years next February and am bricking it already 😂

Glad to be of some small assistance, @IHateLegDay

Here's something to think about: the tolerances of aircraft are amazing. Stand up and hold your arms parallel to the earth, like plane wings. Then raise your arms so that your thumbs are above your ears. Guess what? Your plane could do the same if it wanted or needed to. The wings are stress-tested to that level of tolerance. The mild bobbling they get in what we earthlings consider "turbulance" is quite literally nothing to them.

Nor is it of any concern to the crew. Even if you (quite unlikely) hit very rough air, it is mostly inconvenient to cabin service. It is not going to affect the pilots or the flying of the aircraft. There is a big strong cushion of air between the plane and the planet.

Unpleasantly grimy lavatories are likely to be your worst concern. Agree that diazepam can't hurt, but that applies to most situations, LOL.

Even though it is costly in airport shops, I would strongly suggest budgeting to purchase a few bottles of water to take aboard; the beverage service can be stingy and staying hydrated makes a great deal of difference.

Depending on aircraft, many planes have a personal screen in front of every seat, and many have a Flight Tracker feature that shows your plane superimposed on a map of the earth; it's fascinating and I generally watch mine in lieu of the films. Last year on Air France it actually had a real time camera mounted above the cockpit and we were able to watch ourselves take off. Mind-boggling, when you think about it, and thrilling.

If you are flying by day, observe the cloud formations. The beauty of them as seen from the "other side" can be stunning.

I do hope you are able to quell your fears and enjoy it. I have been on hundreds of flights since 1972 and still thrill to every takeoff and landing. (Speaking of which, remember this: the "hard" landings are the safer ones as they allow the tyres to grip the runway; there is nothing to fear from a robust bounce or two.)

Bon voyage!

I posted the same thing back in April. GPs have been told not to prescribe diazepam anymore (and if your GP is anything like mine, you can't get an appointment for acute, serious problems, so definitely wouldn't for fear of flying).

I was OK going actually. I read about lots of techniques, such as tapping, having upbeat music on headphones - it's the taking off I hate.

I did have a panic attack another time. Take off was fine, but I saw another plane, going the opposite direction, which alarmed me. It must have been 1000ft below, but it looked very close, I then became claustrophobic and wanted to get out.

I did take two codeine before this flight - thinking they'd subdued me, but I think that was the cause, so I wouldn't take anything like that again.

What I also found helpful was watching pilots on YouTube. When I had the panic attack, I also noticed the cabin crew keep going to the galley and pulling the curtains, I convinced myself there was an emergency. Now I know that's wrong, as that wouldn't happen in an emergency. I also know the different tones between calls from passengers and calls from the cockpit.

Although a lot of the pilots on YouTube talk about what went wrong during crashes, they also explain the different engine noises, how safe turbulence is and how well trained pilots are.

I totally get your fear, but honestly it'll be fine x

The very first flight I ever took was a 13 hour long haul and I thought my stomach was going to turn inside out before I got on that plane.

It was, of course, fine! In fact I was bored shitless by the end of it, it was so uneventful. I've sort of grown to love flying now. But what helped me through the initial terror was reading a lot beforehand about how planes actually work. The engineering is incredible.

Then I had a stiff drink, put some headphones on and listened to some meditation podcast during take off to get me in the air. Once I was up there my nerves started to settle because it's sort of just like being on a bus once you level out. Then another drink and back to the meditation for landing.

Good luck! I hope you have a wonderful time, even if the flight itself is a bit of a bum clench moment.

GPs usually won't prescribe anxiety meds (diazaphan) anymore for this. It explains a little bit about why here https://treeton.gpsurgery.net/tablets-for-fear-of-flying-why-we-dont-prescribe-them-any-more/

Your best bet is probably a download at this late stage like on the link about for fly and be calm.

I find a large glass of wine helps now I can no longer get the tablets. It's also worth looking at the air hostesses- for many of them they take planes like buses, 2-4 a day, I look at how calm they are and know its no different to them than working a supermarket check out, I just have a weird perspective because i don't do it much.

Listen to a loud upbeat song on take off- I like Bat out of Hell for this as it drowns out all engine noise so I don't obsess.

I then somewhat manically fill in a big puzzle book of arrow words. Between that and the music I can distract myself for the most part for the few minutes of take off and then I'm usually fine.

I used to take Valium for flying and those reasons sound like bollocks to me.

I've since eventually got to a point where I can fly without anxiety. First Valium, then all the grounded tricks and breathing etc. plus sudoku (I'm not joking). Eventually it was just a case of flying a lot. Acclimatisation works.

I was scared of flying but live abroad so did it to make the most of travel opportunities.

I take Xanax - I think you can get a private prescription in the UK.

Practice deep breathing now so you have techniques and can notice the early signs of tension.

Accept the feelings and don’t fight them, and know that being frightened is horrible but can’t hurt you.

I have some phrases and scripts I find helpful like ‘planes want to fly, they’re built for it’ and for turbulence ‘it might feel uncomfortable, but I am very safe’

I also remember that bumps in the road and waves for a boat are the same as ‘waves in the air’. Finally, look up the jelly turbulence analogy. That helped me.

Oh, and shortly after take off when the rate of climb slows ans the engine noise changes, that is normal. You are not falling, but it can feel like it