Terrified of flying

[Foamburstenergy]

We've booked a luxury holiday that we've been looking forward to for months. Just us without the kids for the first time in 5 years. But there's a 4 hour flight each way.

It's next week now and I'm making myself sick with panic. I can't eat or sleep properly never mind concentrate on my major work project due before I go. I'm now balling my eyes out at leaving my gorgeous toddler behind, though i know it's just my stress.

Please calm me down. Please tell me about all the lovely easy calm flights you've taken recently that have been just fine. And that thousands fly every day and they're all just fine.

Do some people really fly without any anxiety?

I'm so upset at this once in a decade holiday experience being spoilt.

Please calm me down. Please tell me about all the lovely easy calm flights you've taken recently that have been just fine.

I had an 11 hour night flight back from the US a couple of weeks ago. It was perfect. Smooth, quiet and very comfortable.

Woke up to this out the window.

Until you need to evacuate the plane in an emergency and you are so drugged/alcholed up, you are a liability

A couple of Sturgeron will make you drowsy.
I nod off every time and I'm not anxious at all.

Only likely to affect the actual drugged up passenger, and there will be many on valium, sleeping pills, whatever, on a long haul flight. Plane evacuation is also vanishingly rare.

@Foamburstenergy

Do some people really fly without any anxiety?

Yes. I fly constantly for work, both short- and long-haul and certainly have no anxiety about it whatsoever. I mean, it's tedious as hell and I dread it - even in business class - but anxiety doesn't come into it.

The pilots want to get there safely just as much as you do, and they're up there day in, day out.

Hi, I was cabin crew for a few years and I absolutely love flying, the take off, landing, the turbulence 😍 it is the safest form of transport and I never had any emergencies but no matter what we say you may need further help for ruminating thoughts and anxiety. As bad as it sounds if there was an unlikely plane crash it would be over pretty quicky. Please to all the people never going away because of this fear you really are restricting your life and missing out! Get out this wet country and experience different countries

I can completely empathise. I worry about leaving my children too, even if it's just for a domestic holiday..so much so I've really put it off. So I share the same emotions.

Rationally however, there are lots of things that can help a fear of flying. There are an incredible number of flights each day. At a guess I'd say 8000 flights leaving UK air space each day. Incidents are rare and pilots are extremely well trained. There's a lot of click bait around at the moment e.g Jet2 flight declared an emergency over the north sea. The majority of those are due to a passenger medical emergency (someone becoming ill on board) and the planes diverting to get them medical care. It's not that the engine has dropped off or anything!

Airlines do offer fear of flying courses and I think the pilot who ran the BA one also did a series of videos on YouTube. I'll try and find it.

Is there any particular element that scares you?

Came on to say the same thing. I’m really scared of flying too, I used to kind of forget about it until we went to take off then I’d think ‘oh god I hate this!’ again but in the last few years it has started to bother me more and more, to the point that I feel such a relief that we’ve booked a UK break visiting a few different places for our summer week away this year, purely because I don’t need to fly. When I discovered flight radar (not that long ago) I was really amazed at just how many flights are in the air at any moment. Also the fact that they just all land safely one after another and even when there’s an ‘emergency’ it’s just a case of landing at a different airport, it’s not a crash situation.

I think for me the fear with it is the fact that when you go in there, you have zero control over anything and just need to hope they get everyone on there to their destination safely. My sister always asks me what’s the point in worrying about something you have zero control over too, which is true! Especially when I don’t sit panicking before starting up the car or dodging between lanes on a busy motorway at 70mph. I’ve also got really into watching stuff on YouTube about flying, and I think once I watched one they now just all pop up but there are literally situations in tiny planes with two seats where the pilot has collapsed and a non-skilled passenger is able to land the plane safely with the instructions from air traffic control. If people can even get out of that alive then I think I’m probably safe enough on a routine flight to Spain! Try not to let it spoil your holiday although I know exactly how hard it is. The fear of flying course is meant to really help, or there are YouTube ones that might help in the meantime

Ps. As a family we've flown a lot recently . All completely calm and enjoyable ..the views out of the window can be incredible !

Also tell the crew if you're nervous as they can look out for you and tell you if they are expecting turbulence etc

That’s a ridiculous thing to say. Alcohol does not reduce anxiety. What do you think causes all the fights on planes and flights being unable to take off- ALCOHOL!

Mine is definitely about the control too @Motheroffourdragons

I found this link and there’s a section with a video on the noises. That is the point the blood always runs from my face when it’s just the wheels going down or something 🙄

https://online.flyingwithconfidence.com/

I've just been on my first flight abroad for six years, covid was very convenient for me as I hate flying. I knew we had to go however as I couldn't take my DH's disappointment at having to cancel the beautiful holiday because of my irrational fears. The flights there and back were smooth. The things that triggered my anxiety the most were the cabin noise and I kept jumping at the call bells the cabin crew were using, however they were just buzzing eachother to check how many cheese toasties were left 😂

I was much calmer on the way out as I had a few drinks, the way back I did cry but the airport was stressful and I really just wanted to get back to my little one and dog. I convinced myself that it just didn't feel right but honestly it was absolutely fine, just a noisy flight with loads of people chatting and demanding toasties 😂 But really, it was a smooth flight. I read a book a few years ago and one thing I did was write on my book 'if I can still read this it is not yet time to panic' and just focused on that anytime I felt it rising.

Weird thing is when I was younger I really didn't care, since learning to drive, having a child etc it really just feels like a control thing. I have no control over it therefore it scares me.

I'm also terrified of flying but force myself to do it.
I've never had a bad / scary flight but I hate takeoff, sweating, feel sick etc.
When I board the plane I check the rivets around the door then I say out loud "check the rivets" (work in the rail industry, I know a good rivet 😄)
When we land I say out loud (shout) "reverse thrusters" just in case the pilot forgets.
Dsis thought I'd lost my marbles the first time she heard my rituals but hey, I'm still here.
I'm not joking btw, I actually do this every flight.
Don't drink any alcohol, once your up in the air you'll hopefully relax, take a pillow and some trashy mags.

I love flying, so I’m no help.
But people are scared of flying for different reasons. Some people are freaked out by the physics: how can the plane stay in the air? Other people feel claustrophobic: several hours in a metal tube that you can’t leave until it gets to its destination. And for some it’s the unfamiliar noises and smells and occasional turbulence: it just feels weird and wrong.

I think if you know why you hate flying it will help you to begin to address it. Your GP might be able to help with medication. Therapy might be useful. Or one of the fear of flying sessions if you live near an airport where that’s available. Alcohol is NOT a helpful solution at 35,000 feet.

What’s the main issue for you, OP?

Just read your post, if it helps, I work in the aero sector, for over 20 years, and am involved directly in the design of critical systems for all sorts of aircraft. There is so much that goes in to aircraft design and so many people involved in the process, I happily fly knowing that even with some news stories, and there have been some bad practice in certain places, there are are 1000's of engineers and technicians who are working hard and keeping flying the safest mode of transport. We do take it seriously, I hope that gives you a bit of comfort, flying is very reliable and safe, go enjoy your holiday :)

In my experience, alcohol is the only thing which works to stop me feeling terrified about flying - take-off, turbulence, whatever. I'm fine after a couple of drinks.

This is wholly unrelated to c**ts on stag parties causing aggro on flights to Magaluf.

I have a horrific fear of flying - didn’t fly for a decade, even driving near an airport used to make me start having a panic attack.

The only thing that worked for me is facing the fear. I don’t enjoy flying, I am terrified the whole time but I listen to a meditation the whole flight and I survive it. Every time I survive it, my fear goes down a tiny notch.

I really do empathize, it is hard 💙

Really? The majority of people have absolutely no anxiety about flying? That would surprise me tbh

@itsgoingtobeabumpyride absolutely crying at the image of you doing that

I'm terrified too OP. We have a special holiday booked in November to the Seychelles - not one but two flights! And I'm already feeling very nervous and it's not for months

I don't drink alcohol either. So if I can't get hold of diazepam then I'll try Sturgeon. I'm also deliberating a fear of flying course - the online one isn't too OTT in terms of cost

OP is this about flying, or something else? You say you keep thinking about leaving your toddler - is it the first time you’ve left him/her?

as for the actual phobia, I found helpful

1. videos on the noises the planes make
2. alcohol/drugs
3. pretending I wasn’t on a plane lol

Flying is like driving. apparently turbulence is similar to going over potholes in a car. Landing is like when you try to park, get it slightly wrong and have to try again. It’s not dangerous, just annoying.

An aborted takeoff (happened to us once…) is like pulling out of your driveway, noticing a warning light on the dashboard and parking while you check what turns out to be something simple like you didn’t close the boot properly.

so I closed the blinds and just pretended I was in a car instead.

Why would you book a holiday if you know it will cause you this aniexty and stress due to your fear?

Vanishingly rare? Do you not watch the news? Do you know there is a whole series of programmes dedicated to air accident investigations?
If the possibility is vanishingly rare, why bother with safety briefing pre-flight?
Yes, people do get drunk/ drugged to fly: and again, they cause issues with evacuation.