Terrified of flying

[Foamburstenergy]

We've booked a luxury holiday that we've been looking forward to for months. Just us without the kids for the first time in 5 years. But there's a 4 hour flight each way.

It's next week now and I'm making myself sick with panic. I can't eat or sleep properly never mind concentrate on my major work project due before I go. I'm now balling my eyes out at leaving my gorgeous toddler behind, though i know it's just my stress.

Please calm me down. Please tell me about all the lovely easy calm flights you've taken recently that have been just fine. And that thousands fly every day and they're all just fine.

Do some people really fly without any anxiety?

I'm so upset at this once in a decade holiday experience being spoilt.

@VestibuleVirgin But it is vanishingly rare when you consider how many planes take off and land every minute of every day across the world.

And yes, I've seen every episode of Aircrash Investigation and subscribe to Mentour Pilot on YouTube. I am very much a plane geek. I also happen to live 20 mins from Gatwick airport 😂

The best thing we can do as passengers is take control of the things we can control. Choose an airline with an excellent safety rating, don't choose a night flight (if possible), fly in the summer for the best chance of good visibility etc.

Of course the fear of flying courses help. Nearly everyone who is afraid of flying is afraid because of lack of control. That’s what the courses address.
Why dismiss something without investigating?

Average number of flights per day, so far in 2024, is 97,215.

Multiply by 365 = 35,483,475 per annum, approximately.

According to Wiki, around 30 emergency flight evacuations per annum.

30 as a percentage of 35,483,475 is 0.00008% (approx).

Also known as 'vanishingly rare'.

Sources:
https://www.oag.com/airline-frequency-and-capacity-statistics#:~:text=SCHEDULED%20FLIGHT%20COUNTER&text=With%2013%2C610%2C228%20flights%20in%20total,flights%20per%20day%20is%2097%2C215.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emergency_aircraft_evacuation

In answer to your second point: why bother with safety briefing pre-flight? It's because emergency evacuations do sometimes (vanishingly rarely) happen, and it's an attempt to drum into brains what to do in that event, (albeit you're pretty much fucked anyway if the plane actually crashes).

In an emergency situation, a lot of people don't act normally, even completely sober people. We're told, repeatedly, about how to open an airline seatbelt, because in an emergency situation, people may be so terrified/in shock that they freeze and their mind goes blank. Corpses are often found in doomed planes with scratch marks over the stomach where people have tried and failed to undo their seat belts.

These same, sober, terrified people may also freeze and block exits or block others from leaving their seats. Or dither around getting bags out from overhead lockers, because they're in shock and can't cope with the terrifying situation.

The safety briefings are there to teach your conscious and subconscious mind what to do in an emergency situation. Because many will be acting/not-acting subconsciously.

Read Deep Survival by Laurence Gonzales if you'd like to learn more.

I think you should have taken this issue on board as soon as the flights were booked.
I am terrified of flying. I get diazepam from the GP well in advance to take on the day, have done for years even with huge gaps in between. You could have done a course with the airline. There are videos you can watch which explains how flights work. In a way I’m glad you're not going with your kids, as you don't know how you'll be at the time.
You still have a little bit of time to research to put your mind at ease, I'd suggest you do that.

To add: I've never had a bad flight. I've done two hours, four hours, nine hours and eleven hours. I've experienced medium turbulence which made me take another diazepam but I made it. You will too.

People discussing accidents etc - stop! OP asked for assurance. Maybe take your disagreement about this elsewhere.

You cannot make an informed decision without the facts.
Yes, as a percentage of all the flights that happenbdaily, failures are rare.
But not vanishingly rare as a PP said. That implies that over time, no accidents will occur. That is clearly false. And Boing aren't exactly filling the flying community at the moment...
You cannot pretend that a valium and a gin will ensure a safe flight.

No one is saying taking steps to alleviate anxiety will affect safety or otherwise of the flight.

OP has made the decision to fly already and asked for help to manage her anxiety. Up to you what you post obviously, but it seems spectacularly unhelpful.

I used to take a gin before a flight, and possibly another on board - worked wonders!

Same (but something bubbly), though it's a bit of an effort for 6am flights. A couple of glasses and the edge is taken off. I was prescribed diazepam but it didn't do anything for me.

I hated flying after really bad turbulence back from New York. Not sure why but the cabin crew kept making us un-recline our seats during the flight (not just take off/landing) and it was our only holiday without our (young) kids who I thought I was about to orphan.

I read 'face the fear' and basically made myself keep flying and I recently flew to Barbados feeling quite calm. Totally don't mind takeoff, love landing (it's nearly over) but I don't like turbulence. I had a couple of cockpit visits (that sounds wrong...) and the pilots said they do their best to avoid turbulence and they have very accurate weather instruments and reports from pilots ahead of them.

Actually I can't remember having anything more than mild turbulence for 5-10 minutes on any of my flights (including quite a few long haul ones) in the last 5 years so the aviation gods must be looking down on me.

Flying without fear is absolutely excellent. Sign up online and do the version where you’ve got the videos (think it’s about £100). It explains literally everything and just how safe aeroplanes are. You can download the audio and videos for the flight.

For example the explanation of turbulence is great. They say it’s exactly like driving down a country track where the road is bumpy. There’s a part where they put a plate of food on both a car dash and turbulent plane and you see the latter is barely moving in comparison (the food shoots everywhere in the car). Your brain exacerbates it on a flight.

So I felt totally fine about the mechanics of it all by the time we did a three hour flight. But I’m also claustrophobic so took a diazepam too. We had turbulence over the Alps, others were anxious but I literally didn’t care - miraculous really.

Also download comedies or have something for your brain to do, I was doing a course so had homework to fill my brain with.

Im not eagerly awaiting another flight but know I can do it.

I am the same as you OP.

Diazepam didn't work and gp won't prescribe it anymore anyway.
Hypnotherapy didn't work.

Alcohol works a bit.

Last year we did a family holiday which involved 4 flights including two transatlantic ones to west coast USA so 11-12 hours. I honestly don't know how I did it but I did.

One thing that helped a bit was a podcast called Lovefly- there is a Facebook group too. There is a lovely presenter and he interviews pilots and other working in air traffic control etc and it did help me to understand a lot and how safe it really is.

The thing that helped me a lot was reading that you’re more likely to win the lottery than die in a plane crash!! And I KNOW I’m never going to win the lottery…

but then what I also noticed is that when I buy a lottery ticket I feel I will win, just as when I fly I feel I will die. I think there’s a bit of an over focus on myself going on or something.

anyway thinking about those things helps me BUT I get more upset when I have to leave the kids!! Last time I was scared WW3 would break out and I wouldn’t be able to get home to them. But then I decided if I had to walk back from Venice I could probably do it!!!!

weird!

What a load of bollocks here - so many people have alcohol that they would equally be useless in an emergency situation.
Diazepam has been a staple for my flying for many decades. I am never out of control and have never been addicted. The restrictions around this drug really piss me off. So glad I have an understanding GP.

I have a friend whose husband is a pilot and and the amount of time he spends in training still after decades of flying mostly long haul is very reassuring.

I don't agree with it, but I haven't been able to obtain anti anxiety medications the last couple of times I've tried. They say the NHS has told GPs to no longer prescribe it for short term so you are very lucky if your current GP doesn't know or care the guidance has changed.

@VestibuleVirgin just stop. OP is clearly anxious and really doesn't need your analytical thought processes

Take your scientific theories to your own thread perhaps

What a load of bollocks here - so many people have alcohol that they would equally be useless in an emergency situation. Diazepam has been a staple for my flying for many decades. I am never out of control and have never been addicted.

It's great it works for you. Unfortunately it does nothing for me so it's of no use. I have tried to get Xanax over the counter overseas but never succeeded.

Honesty the likelihood of my alcohol consumption ever being an issue is near zero. Even if the plane had an emergency landing, I'd be quite able to exit the aircraft like everyone else and jump down a chute.

Given the vanishingly small chance of a plane crash, I'll take my 100% probability of a few glasses of something alcoholic making flying tolerable for me.

My teenage daughter is a student pilot. The training for EVERY eventuality is relentless and rigorous. She responds to whatever her instructor sets her with calm precision- the pilots really do know exactly what they are doing.

Also, the maintenance that planes undertake is so precise and regulated.

You'll be fine. Deep breath. If I can watch my 16 year old recover a plane with engine failure at 1000ft , you can get on this plane and enjoy your break.

I am scared of flying too I have only flew a handful of times, the last time being nearly 10 years ago. I have booked a holiday in July and I am dreading the flight. It will be my children's first flight and I feel like I am putting them in danger. I know all of this is is just in my mind and it's the safest form or travel etc.

I downloaded the Alan Carr book but it done absolutely nothing. The problem is I have a morbid plane crash fascination and have watched too much Aircrash Investigation and read up on loads of crashes.

Recently when I've been driving along the road I think to myself I am in a thousand times more danger right now than I would be on a plane but I don't even think twice about it or feel in any danger. I would love to be able to get on a plane without thinking about it.

I'm a student pilot. Recreationally, not commercially.

I can assure you that planes are incredibly well engineered and alot of their parts are 'fail-safe', meaning if one part fails, another will take the strain without causing a chain reaction.

I fly tiny, 50 year old single engine planes, and even if the single engine you have fails, pilots are very well trained in gliding the plane down to land.
I've done multiple practice forced landings, and that's just for a private pilot's license, never mind a commercial air license.

I'd be fine if I could open the window, it's the feeling of being totally shut in.

I used to be terrified of flying and now I actively enjoy it! Mainly what helped was taking more flights, which I know is not I of much use to you right now, but as they say, familiarity breeds contempt, or in my case enjoyment! I used to not like the cabin bells, the changes in engine noise, any kind of turbulence. What helped with this was understanding more about how planes work, someone mentioned Mentour Pilot on YouTube, he’s great for explaining what happens during turbulence, etc.

My favourite holiday destination is an 11-hour flight away, and I’ve made that trip probably 12 times in the last ten years. What gets me now is the boredom if I’ve run out of films to watch. A glass of wine does wonders for calming the nerves, and also an old-school antihistamine like Phenergan that will knock you out a bit. If there’s severe turbulence I still get a bit edgy, but understanding the physics of it has really helped. I flew back to the UK during Storm Isha which really tested my understanding 😁. But I can laugh about it, and also more importantly not let it affect me like it used to. I really hope you manage to get a handle on it.

I used to be terrified OP but I did a fear of flying course avd it changed everything. I know fly without anxiety, in fact I see it as an opportunity to have a bit of peace and out of contact for a few hours

one thing that really used to freak me out was during take off when it feels like the nose is dropping after avoit 30 seconds and you think the plane is going to fall? On the fear of flying course the pilot said yj think about it like pulling away in your car. You pull away in first gear but once you’ve got going you change down almost immediately, you don’t drive in first. It’s the same in planes, once they’re air borne they don’t need to be at full thrust in the same way they do at take off

(technically I’m probably not using the right terms but hopefully you know what I mean)