To ask what is likely to be my fate?

[CheeriosOrFrosties]

My poor DCat has diarrhoea. I contacted the vet who said to try giving some "digestive function paste" for a few days to see if that will help.

Most cats find it delicious, they said. Most cats will just lick it off your fingers, they said.

Dear reader, mine did not.

I'm here alone, so needs must - I popped him between my legs to hold him in place, and attempted to squirt it into his mouth.

If I tried again, I would not ever be able to recreate the particular set of circumstances, but somehow, I had my mouth open whilst trying to squirt the paste into his mouth (probably talking to said DCat, telling him to keep the fuck still it was all going to be fine) and as he flicked his head away in protest, he flicked some of the paste into my mouth.

There is a big sign on the tube: WARNING. NOT FOR HUMAN CONSUMPTION.

The ingredients is an absolutely revolting sounding "enterococcus faecium"

I tried to spit it out as fast as possible but who knows whether I managed to get rid of it all. I've mouthwashed my mouth (twice) and cleaned my teeth, but I don't know what else I can do.

A quick google suggests that human infection with enterococcus faecium bacteria has a 36% mortality rate, so that's really fun to know.

What do you reckon my chances are?

64%

Apologies. Forgot to mention the most important point.

I would not lick it off anyone's fingers either.

Not even Jamie Dornan's.

So literal. Made me laugh out loud.

I should learn to keep my mouth SHUT though with this danger paste around.

I have put the lid on and it's back in the tube but I still don't really trust it.

I’m so sorry OP but that did make me laugh!

I think there is a tiny chance you could have swallowed some and a minuscule chance of becoming infected from that amount…

Looks like it is often a normal gut bacterium so you'll probably be okay, although might develop a penchant for Sheba

From my limited reading it sounds like most people have it in their intestines anyway and it’s only dangerous if you get an infection in a place it shouldn’t be (ie. Blood, brain etc). I reckon your saliva and stomach acid will deal with it just fine. Worst case scenario it joins the many other bacteria living happily in your intestines with no ill effects

It's just typical for this to happen right before we are due to do away on holiday.

Probably worth mentioning on the travel insurance form. Particularly if I'm likely to be over the hand luggage limit with all the Sheba I'll need to take with me. I might need special dispensation.

Probably lucky it landed in my mouth and not my eye then!

Perhaps I'll arm myself with goggles tomorrow just in case.

What's Spanish* for Sheba?
*insert name of language spoken at holiday destination

Excellent, excellent point. It's Italy, and it's apparently Saba. Who incidentally was my favourite act at Eurovision this year (and didn't make it to the finals). It's a SIGN!

"most cats love it" - your vet is a liar!

I've had to administer the vile stuff to two DCats so far. Neither would eat it off my fingers or mixed with cat food! Tuna seemed to help.

Sympathy - it must be truly disgusting for one of my DCats to reject it!

Our cat will only consume this stuff if smeared on his paws as he can’t bear to be dirty so will eventually lick it off. Might be worth a go. No idea about accidental human consumption.

Sorted then. Hopefully it'll stop at the bought stuff and you won't feel the urge to go ratting

Unlike DCat, which is probably why he's got diarrhoea in the first place!

I'll give the tuna a go tomorrow. Or with some chicken. Once I've donned my goggles and FIT tested face mask!

Amazingly I can't find much on google about accidentally ingested digestive paste! Can't believe I'm the only one to suffer this fate!

😂😂😂

I heard it can turn you into a werecat, but other than that you should be ok. I would definitely gargle with Listerine or something.

"A fate worse than a fate worse than death"

Hmm, when you said werecat, I was hoping for something more like CatWoman? Although despite going on holiday next week my un-beach-ready body is definitely not going to look good in a skin tight body suit, so werecat actually sounds more like my current look.

That sound's pretty bad.

I think I prefer @Macbeff's 64%!

I think you should bookmark this post, so when you wake in the morning purring, you'll be able to show the doctors why you can't talk to explain whats happened. 🤔

I mean book mark your post not mine obviously!

If you start getting the urge to s**t in your neighbour's garden, start shredding sofas to shreds or making weird 'summoning the fur ball of death' noises at 4am then I might consider registering yourself with the local vet and stocking up on plenty of Felix and Thomas Litter, before you start to get too furry and begin to miaow instead of speaking.
Hopefully you and your cat will be OK.

If you feel poorly will you go to the doctor or the vet?