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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I don't really care if I am , I'm fed up.

74 replies

ComeOVeneer · 03/04/2008 18:33

Dh plays poker once a month or two. He is due to play this Saturday and when he does he often stays overnight at his parents. I then drive (1 hour) with the children (3 and 6),having done late afternoon/supper/bath/bed on Saturday, and after an early start, with them to his parents, for Sunday lunch.

They are breaking up for their holidays tomorrow for 2 weeks, so I asked dh to take them with him tomorrow afternoon to his parents and have them sleep there, giving me a few hours in the afternoon, an evening to myself, a good nights sleep, and a lie-in for a couple of hours. Dh readily agreed, spoke to MIL......

SHE WON'T.

She doesn't see why she should look after the children on my behalf when dh has a social arrangement, it is my "job". She fully expects me to bring the children for lunch on Sunday, but not do this.

OP posts:
hecate · 03/04/2008 18:36

Don't go for lunch.

hecate · 03/04/2008 18:37

That wasn't an order by the way just a suggestion.

I mean, you can't make someone look after your child, but I wouldn't be inclined to put myself out for someone who wasn't willing to put themselves out for me. Bollocks to them!

Original poster
ComeOVeneer · 03/04/2008 18:38

Leaves dh without a lift home, children peed of at not going there for lunch and seeing which ever relatives turn up, and what excuse do I hve not to. Plus then I have to cook/entertain the children.

OP posts:
PABLOP · 03/04/2008 18:39

Seems a bit mean, my mum & mil have always loved looking after my dd and will look after my ds when he's a bit older. Of course children are the responsibility of their parents but it does seems mean. If I was you I wouldn't go for lunch on Sunday.

oranges · 03/04/2008 18:39

how does he get there?

I s'pose MIL is not obliged to take the kids - can't you go off somewhere next weekend and leave them with dh?

nametaken · 03/04/2008 18:40

I'd stop going for lunch to be honest. Would it really have killed her to have them once?

When she's old and incontinent and needs care don't forgot she wouldn't help you.

My MIL wouldn't look after my youngest for 30 minutes once and she could realy do with my help now she's old and frail and ill. Karma.

lenster · 03/04/2008 18:41

Oh god. What a witch with a b.

Well, just think to yourself, she's done you a favour. You now never ever ever to go the extra mile to help her out. Make sure that next weekend your dh gives you a lie-in and arrange to have lunch with gf, shopping in afternoon etc.

Go on Sunday and practise fake brittle smiles.

fairylights · 03/04/2008 18:41

my MIL would bite my hand off to have a few hours with her precious grandson..(she sees him a lot anyway!)so poor you! Sounds like she is being harsh on you...

PABLOP · 03/04/2008 18:41

Was it your dh who asked her? If so why don't you pretend to be unaware of her response and ask her yourself.

Original poster
ComeOVeneer · 03/04/2008 18:42

He gets a lift from a friend who then comes home at about 2am. Due to location it works out well to combine it in this fashion, but as I have the children for 2 weeks off school/nursery I was hoping for a bit of kindness to give me a break too.

OP posts:
OrmIrian · 03/04/2008 18:42

Nice MIL

Your job?

ALMummy · 03/04/2008 18:43

That sounds pretty mean to me. YANBU. My MIL would babysit for us overnight but always bring DS back at about 8.00 am the next morning so no lie in for me after a big night out. She was always quite smug and pleased with herself for doing so as well as though I had my time out and now it was time to get back on the clock.

oranges · 03/04/2008 18:44

hhmm, i'd ask dh to come home at 2am, then skip the lunch and let you go and meet friends or something on sunday instead. she sounds a bit, well, horrid.

CarGirl · 03/04/2008 18:46

yep ask dh to come back home, then you get Sunday afternoon & evening of out/away from all of them

nametaken · 03/04/2008 18:46

Why don't you book a table for you, dh and dc's to have sunday lunch at the local.

lenster · 03/04/2008 18:47

yes, ask him to come back, not stay over and then you can all go to sunday lunch at their house en masse. that way you can still have a bit of a lie in/swim whatever on the sunday morning.

Totally understand the need to gear up for half term with a bit of you time!

dejags · 03/04/2008 18:48

I think I would skip lunch COV.

Would your DH agree to taking the kids off your hands next weekend - perhaps you have a good friend you could stay with overnight/combined with a day spa?

Scotia · 03/04/2008 18:48

Well, it's true you wouldn't expect her to have them overnight, but it would have been nice of her to do it for you. So YANBU in my opinion.

She probably doesn't want you enjoying yourself while your dh isn't there to keep an eye on you .

Roobie · 03/04/2008 18:48

Presumably your dh plays poker near to where his parents live then? Couldn't he take the kids over late afternoon and then do the bedtime routine before he goes out to play?

Original poster
ComeOVeneer · 03/04/2008 18:48

The lunch is not "get-outable" dh's grandfather is there (from abroad) so it is a big do.

OP posts:
windygalestoday · 03/04/2008 18:48

i know youre fed up i can see why .....but why should your mil have your children? i have no mil or mum anymore i wouldnt however have presumed they would care for my dcs without them first offering or in an emergency.

so yes i do think you are being unreasonble.

Original poster
ComeOVeneer · 03/04/2008 18:49

Dejags Where have you been! ALL ok?

OP posts:
Original poster
ComeOVeneer · 03/04/2008 18:50

The overnight thing is including the fact that dh will be sleeping there.

OP posts:
soapbox · 03/04/2008 18:51

I would get DH to come back home with his mate in the early hours and then take the children for lunch on the Sunday while you stay at home and rest. So he does the big lunch with his grandfather - no real need for you to be there too!

amytheearwaxbanisher · 03/04/2008 18:52

nice milynbu