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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I don't really care if I am , I'm fed up.

74 replies

ComeOVeneer · 03/04/2008 18:33

Dh plays poker once a month or two. He is due to play this Saturday and when he does he often stays overnight at his parents. I then drive (1 hour) with the children (3 and 6),having done late afternoon/supper/bath/bed on Saturday, and after an early start, with them to his parents, for Sunday lunch.

They are breaking up for their holidays tomorrow for 2 weeks, so I asked dh to take them with him tomorrow afternoon to his parents and have them sleep there, giving me a few hours in the afternoon, an evening to myself, a good nights sleep, and a lie-in for a couple of hours. Dh readily agreed, spoke to MIL......

SHE WON'T.

She doesn't see why she should look after the children on my behalf when dh has a social arrangement, it is my "job". She fully expects me to bring the children for lunch on Sunday, but not do this.

OP posts:
Scotia · 03/04/2008 18:52

Oh yes I know that COV. I don't 'expect' my mum to have my ds, but it's lovely when she does. And if I asked, she wouldn't refuse for such a stupid reason as your MIL did. I'm with you on this.

CarGirl · 03/04/2008 18:53

perhaps it because MIL has the big lunch do thing to prepar and can't/won't cope with the extra stress of having the dc there?

Scotia · 03/04/2008 18:55

Yes Cargirl, but COV's dh will be there too.

Original poster
ComeOVeneer · 03/04/2008 18:55

I'm not going to make dh come home etc, because it is one of our agreed things we do for each other (which mil knows about hence the reason we have the sunday lunch arrangement).

OP posts:
Tickle · 03/04/2008 18:56

I guess if she has lots of preps to do and lots of people coming she might not want dcs running around... but she could have phrased it better - like: 'how about next time?' YANBU - just grin and bear it - and get payback from DH another w/e maybe

dejags · 03/04/2008 18:56

Not been far away COV. Life is hectic at the mo - we are finally off to Aussie in 7 weeks time.

I also find precious little time for MNetting since the arrival of DD (can you believe she'll be 1 next month???).

How are you, besides this?

BreeVanDerCampLGJ · 03/04/2008 18:56

Just bite down and do it this time, but if it was not for the Grandfather I would be suggesting telling you that you should not to go.

The woman is madder than a box of frogs.

Make sure your DH knows he is on duty from the moment you arrive, chuck him the car keys and retrieve a magazine from your bag and settle in. Have complete sugarcraft on the outside and Hello inside that again.

P.s call her and ask her if she is ok for crockery.

Tickle · 03/04/2008 18:58

like magazine choice LGJ

Original poster
ComeOVeneer · 03/04/2008 18:59

Cargirl, another thing to mention is I am providing a lot of the food for the meal including a special cake.

OP posts:
dozymare · 03/04/2008 19:01

why not get DH to have a word with his mum? She is being really unreasonable and you are entitled to a night off......Surely he can see that and explain to his mum? What was your relationship like with her prior to this???

BreeVanDerCampLGJ · 03/04/2008 19:02

Dozy

The woman is mad, I tell you, mad.

Original poster
ComeOVeneer · 03/04/2008 19:03

dozymare, it is easier to check archives than for me to type the answer to your question. "weak"

OP posts:
PABLOP · 03/04/2008 19:03

wow COV just had a nosy at your profile your cakes are fantastic!

peanutbear · 03/04/2008 19:05

could you not be unwell on sunday

dittany · 03/04/2008 19:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BreeVanDerCampLGJ · 03/04/2008 19:08

Some of COV's MIL's belters.....

Going up to COVS boss at her wedding and telling him that she was married now and would not be coming back to work.

Letting herself into COVS house and borrowing stuff, after all her son worked hard for it, and she was entitled to it. silly bitch

No mention of the fact that it was COV who was the breadwinner whilst her DH finished his studies. mad mad madder

catinthehat · 03/04/2008 19:08

But you are going to need time in the evening/morning to sort out the food you are bringing over. Your DH clearly didn't point that out. Why not pick up the phone and tell her?

CarGirl · 03/04/2008 19:09

truly your MIL is a bit wierd just trying to understand her logic...........I don't have overly helpful parents or PILs so would never even ask for such a request!

OverMyDeadBody · 03/04/2008 19:09

YANBU. What a mean old cow.

lizziemun · 03/04/2008 19:11

Can you make arange for dh to take a couple of days during the holiday so you can have a night/day off. If we are going down it's your job route then it's his job to.

BTW the cakes you make are amazing, do you sell then if not then you should and could make a fortune.

barnstaple · 03/04/2008 19:20

what a meanie. Book the lot of you into a nearby hotel, drop the food off to her on Saturday, lie-in Sunday with breakfast in bed and no washing up.

dozymare · 03/04/2008 19:21

COV - She sounds like a real Loon with a capital L! Think you should go over as planned and get someone to call you on your mobile citing an "emergency" that must be attended......gas leak in the house, Burgular Alarm going off....tootle of home and get DH to have the kdis at his mothers for the day....whilst you sleep, read, chill.....when dealing with MAD you have to be MAD!

Journey · 03/04/2008 19:38

It might be annoying that your MIL doesn't want to babysit but isn't the real issue here the fact that your DH is going out and leaving you with the kids to look after.

If you're doing a favour for your DH shouldn't he be the one to return it and not your MIL? I don't understand why you're getting so annoyed with your MIL.

love2sleep · 03/04/2008 19:39

I think you should keep this all low key and just ask her quietly whether she would ever consider having them overnight as you think they would really enjoy the extra time with her. Don't make it like a favour for you - more a treat for the kids. Perhaps there is a specific reason that she is nervous to have them overnight. As with the others I wouldn't assume that she would do this, but in the long run if she can be persuaded then it would be good for all of you.

HappyMummyOfOne · 04/04/2008 15:49

I agree with Journey, its DH who owes you the return favour and not your MIL.

Don't quite get why MIL not looking after the children equals no help in old age (as per an earlier post) - surely the fact that our mothers raised us or our partners should be enough.

Grandparents should not be expected to provide childcare, lovely if they offer but they do deserve to make their own decisions as to how they spend their time after their own children have flown the nest.