To be annoyed my mum doesn't have any of my 'proof' of Dyslexia

[dyslexi]

I think I am being unreasonable.

But I am really annoyed with my mum for not keeping any of my dyslexic reports from when I was diagnosed in yr 7.

She has given me most of my other important documents which thankfully she did keep. Other bits I now have would also be nearly impossible to replace.

I'm in my 30s and looking to do some professional exams. I could use the extra exam support but I can't prove I deserve it.

More of a rant.

AIBU? She should have kept it right? She has secretary course certs she did in circa 1986 so she does keep things

Can you get it from the education authority? You could do a subject access request to see if they have any information.

Did she ever actually have anything in writing that did confirm it?

Were you formally diagnosed because it may have been the senco or ta just screened you for traits. You can pay for an assessment now.

YABU to be annoyed. She helped you get a diagnosis that helped your education, how was she to know you'd need it in your 30s!

You seem to be taking umbrage that she has her secretarial cert but not your papers from when you were 11.

Did you not need the paperwork for university if you went? If yes, why didn't YOU file it safely?

It is surely up to your professional body to give you a mechanism to show that you have dyslexia, or rather disclose it, and then they make appropriate adjustments. I work in a uni, and it's all about the disclosure - no proof required, but disclosure opens the door to support and advice.

I would imagine that many of us cannot lay hands on old docs which were issued decades ago. Also, these days, I don't think you actually get documents - two of my kids have been assessed as having dyslexia, but I don't think I have any formal documented 'proof' which they would ever need at e.g. uni/workplace/etc.

Instead of being frustrated that your Mum doesn't have it (or can't find it) rather be annoyed that your professional body can't provide you with better support.

Has the professional body asked you to provide proof? Most people in your position won't have paperwork relating to assessments they had when they were 11.

I mean I'm in my 40s and have absolutely no record of anything from my childhood. I don't think it would necessarily be usual to have those records at home back then. They were paper records kept in a physical file at the GP usually, not electronically that could easily be printed off, like today. I didn't live in the UK growing up and my parents had absolutely no medical records of mine from childhood, no vaccination records, nothing. Dh did grow up in the UK and has dyslexia and I cannot imagine MIL would have any of that either. She didn't even keep his birth certificate, we had to order a certified copy when we got married. I think there was a different attitude to personal data and documentation back then. People were more likely to trust in the 'experts' to hold this information and to use it as needed, whereas today we have a much more individualistic approach and are much more likely to take matters into our own hands when it comes to accessing needed services, so we document everything and hold copies of our records.

I would assume if you grew up in the UK, there would be some record with your GP surgery/on your NHS record from long ago?

My son and daughters are in their thirties and I wasn’t given any paperwork relating to any medical diagnosis when they were children. It was only done verbally. My son saw an educational psychologist and I was given verbal feedback from her, but the written report was sent to the school with their recommendations. The only written correspondence I received was appointment letters. It was very different to how things are now.

Bloody hell, this will have been almost twenty years ago. I wonder what the expected bar is for mothers to hold on to stuff, on the off chance that is may be needed, 30, 40, 50 years, till death?

What is a subject access request? I have contacted my old school they only kept records for 7 years.

https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/requesting-your-personal-information/requesting-your-personal-information#:~:text=You%20have%20the%20right%20to,to%20the%20Data%20Protection%20Office.

@GoingUpUpUp I think so because she said she is 100% sure it is in her files. She got me to check through them.

@Therageisreal Yes, well I think so. I officially got extra support for my GCSEs I moved school for A Level and they made a fuss that it would make getting into uni difficult so I didn't look for extra support

@drusth I was told that uni would take a very poor view so never looked for support.

@PhilosophicalCheeseSandwich yes, I sent in some follow up letters my mum got from the dyslexic services I used along with an email from them saying I did use their services. They don't have an electronic copy of my diagnosis as at the time it was on paper. I did explain to the board that we cannot find the official diagnosis but they don't seem interested.

I have made it to my final set of exams without help so I can hopefully finish. There is an enormous amount of reading in the exam. My lecturer helpfully said that 'no one should take longer than 15 minutes to read and understand it' it takes me at least double that. I will keep doing passed papers and hopefully get quicker

Why are you annoyed at your mum, not your dad? Was she a single mum?

I have ADHD and got my record of achievement at 16, I don't think my parents ever had it in their possession.

Have you been told you need proof by the people administering the exams?
Have they suggested the proof they would accept?

@drusth what is your record of achievement? No I don't know my dad

@SuperLoudPoppingAction they have said official diagnosis. They took a letter from my GP as proof I was pregnant (so I could get a seat close to the loo) she might write me a letter but she wasn't my GP at the time and I didn't live in this area back then either.

@PhilosophicalCheeseSandwich thanks I sent through a request. See what they come back with

It's just a summary of how I performed in each subject.

I hope they grant you an exception and allow extra time. 🍀

If it is worth it for you, could you not just pay to be assessed for dyslexia now? A quick google suggests it might cost £200 - £300, but it might be worth it for the peace of mind it would give you to have that extra reading time in your exams.

Exam boards to tend to ask for proof, otherwise unscrupulous people would apply for extra time to give them an advantage.

Does your uni/college has Disability and Dyslexia/Neurodiversity services? If so, I'd ask them for advice.

YANBU. DD has been diagnosed with DCD, and awaiting assessment for Dyslexia. I am scanning and keeping everything as they said that the exam arrangements will go from school to college to Uni.

Yes, easier done in 2024 than in 2005 when you would have had to have had a printer with a scanning function and a PC and a cd burner or a flash drive, which would be as easy to lose as paper.

Pay and get a current diagnosis if they need proof. For what it is worth unis would not accept an age 7 dyslexia diagnosis and would have needed a more up to date one.

You would need a more up to date report now anyway. One from your childhood more than likely wouldn't cut it for a professional qualification.Just get one done privately.

My DNiece is 28 and she got outstanding support at uni. Who told you it wouldn't be available or they would take a "very poor view"? I also think any assessments done when you were 11 would not be acceptable.

It should be on your medical records. Can you ask your GP for a print out of your medical summary?

From what I've heard from colleagues when we were talking recently, uni was where they finally got diagnosed and got brilliant support! I would speak to your uni.