Could my adult son really have ADHD?

[ADHDposs]

Hi all. Posting here for traffic.

I have a son who is 28. He is just lovely, such a good man. He’s incredibly brainy. Has a Masters degree in a complicated subject. He has a very technical job. He also has a lovely girlfriend and is doing very well in life.

The last time we met up for dinner, he told me he’d been seeing a therapist, because he felt he had personality traits which were annoying him. I was quite shocked as this is the first I’ve heard of it. Anyway, he then went on to say that the therapist said he ticks a lot of ADHD boxes and she’s going to arrange an assessment.

I was quite shocked as he was an entirely normal child. The only thing I have noticed which seems out of step with other people, is that he is an information sponge. He reads all the time and retains thousands of facts. When we meet I often feel like I’m just being bombarded with facts about anything and everything, often things that have no relevance to me. I try to change the conversation to things more relevant or fun, but before long he is finding some way to turn that into some kind of statistic he can tell me about.

Is this an ADHD trait?

Thanks for reading!

Omg! This is so close to the bone it’s unreal! He’s always learning new skills. Dozens of instruments for example. The procrastination I haven’t witnessed but he said himself that that’s one of his flaws.,

And just like autism,
people can all
share the same
human experiences,
but it’s to the extent that they impact that makes them
an impairment , medically speaking … and an intrinsic part of a person,
not an ‘add on’
they are not a person who ‘ has’
got something ‘ they are that person

Certainly could be, OP. I was diagnosed in my 30’s. My Mum couldn’t get her head around it at all at first but I think her idea of ADHD in her mind was so far from the reality. Maybe ask him to chat to you about it, if he’s happy to?

Feel
free
to in box me
xx

I think ‘normal’ is complex when it comes from a parent. My sister and I both got diagnosed with ADHD and Autism as adults. My parents thought we were normal as they have some clear ND traits. We were also adopted, which clouds things somewhat as it’s always a ‘is this an adoption thing?’ that pops up. Equally, a parent’s view is based on their experience. A child may well have seemed very normal because they are their parent’s experience. Or because their needs were met easily (eg. A very active ADHD child leading a very active lifestyle).

I’m very like your son with facts and talking. I noticed little things with my own son - things like a messy room, putting everything where he can see it, emotional dysregulation, terrible sleeper, over worries, always fiddling and wriggling etc. He has meltdowns at a later age than you’d expect and can display some difficult behaviour, but to most he appears incredibly normal. I don’t think the majority of those with ADHD appear noticeably ‘different’ in general to others, though when you get used to it, you can certainly start to spot things. A lot of traits are written off as someone being ‘fiery’ or a ‘daydreamer’ or ‘really clever’, so when that happens they become a part of normal and aren’t easily recognised as being neurodiverse as such.

Please stop using the word 'normal'. It's one of those weird words where no one wants to be 'normal' and no one wants to be 'abnormal'. It's bad either way.

😆 I definitely have ADHD (diagnosed when I was seeing a psychiatrist for something else so didn’t go looking for a diagnosis ) and I wasn’t like that as a school girl at all. All you seem to know is one stereotype.

Yes this can be an ADHD trait. ADHDers tend to be quick thinking and fast at grasping the bigger picture. So when others are rambling on, ADHDers have already a) worked out the point the other person is getting to and b) formulated their response.

The info dumping described in your OP would be more associated with ASD though. But there’s not enough to go on, from what you’ve put here.

I work with children with ADHD and the condition isn't always "constantly on the go" or "unable to sit still". One of the quietest, most 'sit still' children I've ever met has a diagnosis of ADHD. There are subtypes of ADHD and the whole bouncing off the walls stereotype helps no one.

It isn't a label and it isn't about medication, not everyone with ADHD will need medication or indeed want medication, it's not a one size fits all diagnosis.

As for it being used as a crux to explain behaviour, the assessment process is rather robust and ADHD tends to be under-diagnosed in the UK.

Where is it you're "seeing ADHD everyday"? I hope to goodness it's not in a professional capacity as you clearly don't know your arse from your elbow when it comes to neurodevelopment conditions.

Make your mind up. I didn’t believe in it in your last post. Now I recognise 1 stereotype.

These are the most obvious, in your face you wrongly assumed I wouldn’t recognise.

Ive also shown you that I do “believe” in ADHD. It makes no odds to me how you were diagnosed. If you needed that then fair play.

Does not mean you are right in your assumptions. If anything you were pretty ignorant.

My DD1 was diagnosed early 20s. I have 2 younger and I see the signs in them much more clearly. To me my children are all 'normal' as I had no other frame of reference as when you talk to other parents about situations/behaviour, they can always relate.

ADHD affects executive functioning and is understandably different for each individual that has it.
In our experience, diagnosis just gives you the label, you're still left with having to find all the support you need for the individual symptoms that are causing problems, albeit with a better understanding of where to look and what might help.

Often Neurodivergent parents think a child is normal as they themselves have the ND traits so perceive that to be usual/normal/neurotypical.

This may contribute to the late diagnosis of Neurodivergent adults.

Please be careful how you converse with your child so this doesn't impact the relationship you have.

by The sounds of it, it may help to learn more about
INATTENTIVE ADHD - also known as ADD

You can
a) repeat the one ADHD stereotype that you are aware of, and also
b) believe the condition itself is largely made up label as a crutch for bad behaviour (paraphrasing your own words here)

The two are not mutually exclusive, in fact, to apply it to another example , one can
a) repeat the symptoms of Long Covid, and also
b) believe the condition itself is made up as a crutch for a lazy arse who wants to sleep and watch Netflix all day while claiming benefits instead of working

We are in the USA. My second child went off to uni and 6 months later asked if she could be tested for ADHD. I was also surprised but she told me the new close friends she had made had similar traits and struggles to her and they all had ADHD.

So she had a thorough workup and hours of testing with a psychologist, and she was found to need help in some very specific areas. She wasn't found to have any learning difficulties and had high intelligence. However the psychologist showed us that when she was tested on reading comprehension, if she was allowed as much time as she needed she achieved a very high score; but if she was on a tight time frame she made a lot more mistakes. So she needs more time to pour over information in certain forms to really understand and comprehend it. Also that she is an auditory learner and understands much quicker that way.
So she now has access at her university to student support services and can take her tests and exams in a controlled environment alone where she is given extra time for reading and comprehension. She also can borrow a device which takes notes for her so she can listen to the lectures and not be distracted by writing. She is also a very bright student and studies neurobiology. She is an interesting combo of glam and loves to do anything for fun with a love for STEM and is highly nerdy.

In fact she tested extremely high on her writing ability which annoyed her as her favorite subject is math.

She also did have low self esteem and could struggle socially because of it but has really come into her own at uni. She always seemed emotionally a bit slower to pick up of social cues and also didn't understand the often female form of aggression or conflict which involves social exclusion. She just seems completely mystified by it when she was a younger teen.

So her diagnosis has not only meant she is able to achieve her potential but has improved her self esteem as sometimes she didn't understand why she would struggle with subjects she really enjoyed.

I was just about to say something similar. I read a post on Instagram saying ‘the parent who doesn’t see your neurodivergent traits as anything unusual is the parent you inherited them from’. This really struck home for me.

And my 2 younger ones info dump all the time. They never seem to listen, more like wait to talk. They don't really connect by asking questions to start or prolong conversations. Yet they're full of questions about stuff they're interested in.
My eldest very different but totally same in many ways. I just thought I was a shit parent for finding it so hard when everyone else seemed to parent so easily. The diagnosis helped me come to terms with that, although not immediately. It took a while to sink in, I think.
That and the realisation that I am clearly neurodivergent myself, which explains a lot about why I thought my kids were 'normal' because it was MY normality too.

Please please support him. My youngest child was diagnosed with autism and subsequently ADHD (at 3 and 8 respectively). It was very obvious to me and we've come a long way. However, my eldest child is 26 and was flagged at uni. She masked like a pro and I didn't see it. I am sad and sorry that it's taken this long. I know many people with late diagnosis and it's been life changing. Not least because ADHD can be medicated. You'll learn a lot going forward and he'll need you!

Yes it could be an ADHD trait as people with ASD often hyper focus on certain things. It is a broad spectrum though so on its own it may not mean anything. It sounds like he thinks he is ADHD so I would just support him. There seems to be quite a lot of neurodiversity in my family, some of whom are being diagnosed as adults. For some it provides answers as to why they have felt they are different which can be reassuring.

I also said in my earlier post that I most probably have it. After a chat with my friend who was diagnosed. The things where I can’t make a phone call and will put it off till the end of time. Lose things in a small room 2 seconds after being handed it, obsess over something so much and a day or so later forget all about it. Lots of what she said resonates with me daily.

You’re just desperate that my opinion doesn’t count. It does. Sorry about that but your constant, inventing is just rude and says a lot about you.

If I was adhd I wouldn’t want to know because I’m quirky and that’s fine. A bit annoying to others but basically doing fine.

Maybe you dont have adhd and are just annoying.

no sounds more like asd.
My adhd dc struggle with sitting and concentrating.

I agree with tippexy the interrupting can be either asd or adhd. The asd kid doesnt perhaos care about the other persons interests or perhaps understand reciprical convervation.

Adhd is worried they will forget or topic change.

How was he in reception and y1? And generally does he have friends?

Was he ever in trouble or told off for daydreamimg?

😂

See. You’ve proved my point! People can be quirky AND annoying. We don’t need a label all the time.

This is so true. She is my child who is absolutely the most like me and I just thought they were personality traits and I felt bad that I was so oblivious to how she was struggling.

I am high achieving and very open and flexible like her but horrible at giving myself a schedule (I am much better when one is imposed on me) and generally disorganized and can tend to tardiness. I have learnt over the years how to deal with this. For example simplifying everything and having as little "stuff" as possible, as then it's much easier for me to stay tidy and organized. I also give myself way more time for transitions and am careful not to overbook myself with tasks as I would underestimate how long things would take (including getting somewhere, setting up, taking down and cleaning up etc.). I also have trained myself to never think of the time to be somewhere as the time given, but 30 minutes before. I have no idea why my mind can't organize myself otherwise. I go by the dictum "Early is on time, on time is late and late is unacceptable". - not imposed on anyone except myself!

Being quirky and annoying is your label though. Having adhd and asd is my diagnosis. There is a huge HUGE difference between label and diagnosis.