Otherhalf asking parents to temporarily move in?

[Fafreak]

My SO's mom has been poorly on and off for the last year and they have been struggling recently as his dad is not very mobile. He has been off to see them over the weekend and has just announced that he offered them to come and live with us whilst mom is poorly without even considering consulting me first. I am a Childminder and work from home and this would be a very difficult scenario.
Leaving aside all the admin, and rigmarole I would need to do for work, i think this is extremely unfair on me to be put on the spot like that, considering I would be the one taking care of them if they did agree. AiBU for being annoyed that he didn't check with me first. He thinks so and is now really annoyed with me for being upset. I would probably have agreed and made it work somehow if he had asked me before offering it, but the way he has done it just shows that he has no respect or considerationfor me or my work and i now do not want to agree.

What makes him think this situation is going to be temporary?

👎

The obvious answer is that he moves in with them to care for his mother whilst she’s ill, and works from home from their house if possible/ takes some unpaid carers leave.

Makes much more sense than you giving up your job to care for someone else’s parents - why would you do that? And you couldn’t possibly childmind whilst caring for elderly adults at the same time so it is what he’s asking.

His focus was on being the wonderful son! And then expecting you to implement his idea and do all the work in top of a childminding job at home!

I paid for my DS to go to kindergarten with the attention being on him (and his little group). I would have moved him if attention was given to elderly people or if I thought it might. With the best will in the world you cannot actively care for other people's children as a job whilst looking after his parents. They could fall, need medication, help moving around, going to the doctors, hospital appointment, additional housework and laundry and it will only get worse.

If he wants them to move in he has to provide the care each day and night. Bet he changes his mind then!

I agree with the majority, I would tell him to move in wirh them.
It's better that they are in their familiar surroundings and have all their personal belongings there.
Makes more sense for him(one person) to move. I can just imagine the excuses he will come up with OP.

He needs to go and move in with them.

It is one things to offer up space in the home to them-but something else entirely to assume that you will be caring for them. He can’t just sign you up for that without discussion.

I think I would have a proper talk with him and carefully explain that this is completely out of the question.
If he disagrees I wouldn't back down but I would try not to lose my temper.
What I would do is make a plan to move out and leave him to do all the caring himself.
How ducking dare he assume that you will make all the sacrifices for his parents while he carries on as normal 🤬
Jesus wept!

What I would do is make a plan to move out and leave him to do all the caring himself.

Rather than OP move out it's probably easier for him to move to his parents l' home and provide them with the help he's assumed OP will provide, without discussion and agreement from her, whilst he's at the office.

That way his parents are still in their own home that they're used to, he can WFH most days so he can keep an eye on them 24/7 if necessary, and OP wouldn't have to disrupt her established child minding job, thus losing pay. 🌹

Rather than OP move out it's probably easier for him to move to his parents
of course, but if he refuses she could use the nuclear option of removing herself (once they are installed) and leaving him to do it all

But she can’t. She’s a childminder. The home is inspected, equipped, and chosen by parents partly for convenience of the location.

Thats why the man feels able to pull this stunt then isnt it, he knows she is trapped and cant stop him.
He can use this to sabotage her work & then argue that she should care for his parents because she no longer has any paid work.

Unfortunately carers allowance is only up to £81 per week and cannot be claimed if you earn more than £151 per week as you are expected to provide at least 35 hours of care for the person per week. If his is their primary income, which he obviously thinks it is considering he doesn’t give a toss about the impact on her job, it is unlikely to be financially viable 😞 I would definitely get them applying for attendance allowance though if they are in poor health!
I would say perhaps she could be the one to claim carer’s allowance but the potential long term damage to her child minding career just doesn’t seem worth it!