Otherhalf asking parents to temporarily move in?

[Fafreak]

My SO's mom has been poorly on and off for the last year and they have been struggling recently as his dad is not very mobile. He has been off to see them over the weekend and has just announced that he offered them to come and live with us whilst mom is poorly without even considering consulting me first. I am a Childminder and work from home and this would be a very difficult scenario.
Leaving aside all the admin, and rigmarole I would need to do for work, i think this is extremely unfair on me to be put on the spot like that, considering I would be the one taking care of them if they did agree. AiBU for being annoyed that he didn't check with me first. He thinks so and is now really annoyed with me for being upset. I would probably have agreed and made it work somehow if he had asked me before offering it, but the way he has done it just shows that he has no respect or considerationfor me or my work and i now do not want to agree.

Tell him not to be so bloody ridiculous! If needs must he can go live with them for a while.

Just say no it doesn't work for you.

@Fafreak this would certainly not be happening on my watch!! how is proposing to care for them while you work??? are you actually married? if he proposes to pay you the full wages of what you would normally earn would you do it?? I certainly wouldnt. this is just the thin end of the wedge. if one of them passes away then you will be left looking after the other one too!

Doesn’t sound like it works for anyone? They will be surely driven mad by kids all day and you in an impossible position unable to properly work?

As a side note I wouldn’t be happy as a parent to send my child to a setting with dependent elderly people in the care of the person looking after my child simultaneously. Nor would I want my child feeling “hushed” and tiptoeing round in that setting which I imagine is what would have to happen?

I’d also be wary there was no end point to them ever moving back out?

Plus the knock on implications for bills, council tax or the mortgage (you need to declare longer term lodgers). I’m horrified for you that your DP didn’t run this by you first?!

If he wants to help his parents I would be suggesting he moves in with them. Categorically state what he has proposed will not work and cannot happen.

He needs to sort out care at their own home or residential care. Just say no.

He is upset🤷. He should have discussed this major decision with you first. He is showing massive disrespect for you and shows he simply takes you granted. I'd tell him no because it doesn't work for you because you work from home with DC and need the space for them. If they have toys on the floor what would happen if this elderly parent tripped over them. Your partner invites them he needs to be home running after and caring for them.

Sorry but how would you look after children if you also had 2 elderly people in the house?!

What if his parents had a fall or medical emergency, would you just be expected to leave the children alone to deal with it?

Not a chance in hell would I leave my children with childminder in this scenario. Especially with the addition of an unknown male, DBS or not.

You need to put your foot down and say it can't work for you. He can move in there, I bet he won't though.

He's volunteered you to give up your job to care for his parents in your home and not even consulted you about it. What the fuck is he thinking.

How can you do your job childminding and look after his parents at the same time? He didn’t respect you or your work. Tell him no to them moving in.

This. And it’s so unprofessional—leaving these working parents in the lurch when we all know that there is a shortage of childcare at the moment. Once you’re in a position to ramp bak up with childminding, your clients will have new provisions in place and your reputational damage for dropping clients on short notice will be done.

He is the ultimate cheeky fucker! How dare he assume you will do this? You would have to give up work. Can you afford that? Not only that, your home would be completely squashed. And then you would be looking after his parents when you haven't even been asked? Honestly I would be livid and I would completely refuse to do it.

Oh honey, how sweet you are worried about your parents! What a shame they can’t stay here! Even if you could get leave of absence from work, could we afford it? And some of the families might refuse, so we’d lose that money too. Obviously we’d need to completely rearrange the house, I’m not sure where we’d all sleep.

Of course it won’t happen for ages, because DBS the checks will take a while. And cost a bit, too.

I know, you can go and stay with them! That will help!

Suggest he accommodates his parents at his place of work and looks after them there.
How would that go?

He's asking for demanding huge sacrifice of time, energy and perhaps money from you.
He is unreasonable and needs to rethink.

Yet another fucking man outsourcing a womans labour without asking her.

Yeah I wouldn't be sending my kid to a childminder who is also providing live in care to frail elderly people.

How tolerant are they going to be of the children?
I've chosen my kids care based on your values and how you will interact with them. Your PILs are unlikely to follow the same mindset about how we treat children nowadays.
How will you care for both at the same time?
How will you take the kids out?
What if one of them is injured/ill/falls?
What about all the bugs kids carry around, am I gonna be guilt tripped becuase my snotty kid gave your MIL pneumonia?
What happens if it actually is great, then one of them dies?

Your husband certainly should have asked you first but he seems not to realise that you have a job, a responsible one, that you do from home. With the best will in the world it will be unbelievably difficult to cater for his parents while you have young children underfoot - and they have to come first as it is your livelihood.

He hasn't thought it out. Show him this thread and he may realise what a problem it would be.

There is of course the possibility that his parents may think it isn't a good idea. Let's hope so.

I would tell him that he leaves before they move in. He has absolutely no right to move anyone into your home without consulting you and offer you up as an unpaid carer.

Ah, one of those lively men who think that being a childminder (or nursery worker) just has a lovely time playing with children all day...

He has no respect for your job, or indeed for your role in the home. Of course you can drop everything for his parents, you don't really need an office and your job? Hey just plays with kids all day.

Mind blown. He expects you- unmarried, so no financial protection- to give up your job to care for his elderly parents? To become a domestic carer, for free? In your own home? Would he still expect you to pay your half of the bills etc? This plan is so incredibly ridiculous and selfish. One has to significantly question the sense, attitude and love of your partner.

I'm sorry but I'd have to tell him he needs to in invite them. If he's that worried he can go and live with them at their house for a bit.

WTAF!!! HIS parents HIS responsibility. Too disruptive for your business as you have already described. Insane idea.

Why is he assuming that you will be able to drop everything? You have a job and running a childminding business from home means having houseguests is very inconvenient. The fact that he didn't discuss this with you first and make a decision together speaks volumes about how he views your relationship 😳 I would be telling him to move in with his parents temporarily so he can look after them!

He is completely unreasonable to have not taken your work into account. Would his parents even want to spend their days around your childminding business, as well as completing DBS checks? If you are working you aren't available to provide care for his elderly parents. Could you afford not to work, would you want to give up work to become a carer? These are discussions you need to have before he makes any offer to have them move in.

Absolutely not. He jeopardises your job and is planning on you caring for him? Pack him a bag and he can go stay with them. He can sleep on their sofa, your job is safe and he is the one who will be caring for them. Has he never respected you really op?