Otherhalf asking parents to temporarily move in?

[Fafreak]

My SO's mom has been poorly on and off for the last year and they have been struggling recently as his dad is not very mobile. He has been off to see them over the weekend and has just announced that he offered them to come and live with us whilst mom is poorly without even considering consulting me first. I am a Childminder and work from home and this would be a very difficult scenario.
Leaving aside all the admin, and rigmarole I would need to do for work, i think this is extremely unfair on me to be put on the spot like that, considering I would be the one taking care of them if they did agree. AiBU for being annoyed that he didn't check with me first. He thinks so and is now really annoyed with me for being upset. I would probably have agreed and made it work somehow if he had asked me before offering it, but the way he has done it just shows that he has no respect or considerationfor me or my work and i now do not want to agree.

*caring for them not him

and there is no way your families would agree to you saying as well as looking after your child I’m caring for two elderly people. That’s two jobs. I’d say politely ‘it sounds like you won’t have that much time for our children and I’ll give notice now thank you.’

He's got some nerve expecting you to nurse his parents without consulting you and jeopardising your job. That would be a massive no from me. Tell him to move in with mummy and daddy and look after them for a few weeks.

This.

Once they've moved in they'll never leave

Agree with this. Have you said yes?

He is effectively asking you to give up your job. There is no way I would send my child to a childminder who us concurrently caring for some random ( from a client's perspective) adults!

Decent parents wouldn't do this to their DC. If they're willing to do so it says a lot about them.
What were their plans for coping as they aged?

Good points.

Why can't he move in with them, he works from their house when necessary and also they get professional carers in their home as necessary?

Why is it he's just getting the nearest female to take on, unasked, all the mental load and physical care for his parents, on top of her having a full time job just because the professional job you do is in your home?

Don't even take this on on a trial basis OP. It will be much harder, if even possible, getting them to leave again. 🌹

It's definitely not going to be temporary.

This level of disrespect would have me reevaluating my relationship. Is this normal for your relationship?

You say you would probably have agreed if he'd discussed it with you first - but WHY???!! Why would you have agreed to it? He expects you to do all the caring! Your home is your place of work and there's no way you can have extra adults in the home when you are caring for children. It should have been a no even if he asked nicely, the fact that he didn't even ask, just assumed, and is now annoyed with you for saying no to doing all the care for his parents would make me reconsider the relationship entirely.

You are correct in your last sentence - he does not have any consideration for you or your work. He just expects you to drop everything since you are at home already?! Does he think you do absolutely nothing in your job as a childminder?

If he's that worried about his parents, tell him he can go move in with them until they are well enough.

What bloody cheek. Id say absolutely not. This type of thing would make me reconsider my relationship.

Tell him to apply for attendance allowance for both his parents

He can claim carers allowance, if he only works so many hours/earns so much

He can go & live with them !

Damn cheek !

He's annoyed because you are not delighted that he's offered you as an unpaid carer to his parents without even discussing it with you and when you already have a job.

Fucking hell your partner has some cheek. How dare he think he can move his family in without even discussing it with you.

As an other poster pointed out you are not married and therefore have no protection against potential loss of earnings. There is no way on earth I would agree to this.

If he can give up his job, find another source of income, do all the paperwork to make it work for your job, rearrange the house to accommodate his parents and provide all the necessary care then he can crack on. Compromise can only occur through negotiation and you haven't even been given consideration.

If it's temporary and they do not live close enough for daily visits then perhaps paid care at their home could work.

@Fafreak

The bloody nerve of him. He thinks he gets to loan you out as unpaid carer for HIS parents, meaning you have to sacrifice your job, without so much as even asking you first? Does he think he owns you? He clearly has no respect for you whatsoever, he’s one entitled, misogynistic prick, frankly.

I'd say for your role as a childminder. It takes ages for DBS checks to come though if nothing else. Obviously he should have checked with you first.

Do his parents know you're a childminder? Being around a load of preschool aged kids 9 hours a day doesn't sound like a very desirable setup for older people who are quite unwell and immobile!

I have to say nothing surprises me anymore about men's assumptions regarding their female partners willingness to be nurse, childbearers, housekeepers etc. all at the same time.

I'd just laugh in his face quite frankly.

What a ridiculous suggestion of them moving in!

You can't be a childminder as well as being a carer for someone elderly - it's not safe!! You could end up putting your business at risk.

I'd suggest your DH moves in with them for a bit until his mum is better.

Sorry I haven’t read the thread.

He should have asked you. The answer should be no for all of the obvious reasons.

however I would cut him some slack and assume that he made the offer to his parents because of compassion for them and not because he wanted to exploit you. it’s probable he knows it’s not good for you and he may be defensive going forwards.

I would start the conversation but saying - I can see you care about your parents and you want to help them, but I’m worried about the short and long term impact on my business etc etc. if you’re really worried about them, what are they other things we could do for them. (Eg get care visits? Him move in with them? Etc)

this seems to be a good compromise, they rent somewhere near yours so he can look after them and it doesnt affect your business

I'd say no it's not practical with your job and suggest he moves in with them.

I'd be furious. He hasn't thought about the consequences at all.

One of the most ridiculous and selfish things ive ever read on here....