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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think that it’s ridiculous to approach a stranger wearing headphones?

118 replies

Barbarella73 · 12/05/2024 14:51

I get approached by random people all
the time, for directions or a conversation - surely it would make more sense to approach someone that can actually hear what you’re saying and isn’t engrossed in a podcast, audio book or music? There are lots of people walking/standing around not wearing very visible headphones!

OP posts:
ItsFairDreich · 12/05/2024 20:15

Random people all the time - 10 times a day, 10 times a month, 10 times a year? To all the posters argreeing, I hope you or your children/family/friends never need help. I'm sure you'd have something to say about if they asked someone and they just ignored and ran on. This is what is wrong with society.

FoodieToo · 12/05/2024 20:19

I am pretty anto social but shocked at this ! You shouldn't approach someone wearing headphones ??
Why not ?
This is quite scary really . Will wereach a stage where we have no human interaction at all?

everythinglooksbetterpaintedblack · 12/05/2024 20:29

@ItsFairDreich what is wrong with society is people thinking they can interrupt your day because they can't be arsed using Google or asking somebody without headphones in.

YoureStuckOnMeLikeATattoohoohoo · 12/05/2024 20:40

ItsFairDreich · 12/05/2024 20:15

Random people all the time - 10 times a day, 10 times a month, 10 times a year? To all the posters argreeing, I hope you or your children/family/friends never need help. I'm sure you'd have something to say about if they asked someone and they just ignored and ran on. This is what is wrong with society.

It's never someone needing help, 9 times out of 10 it's some bloke with a bit of inane conversation (it's usually happens to me 5 or 6 times within a 2 hour period as I have a fairly unusual looking dog)

If I was interupted by someone genuinely needing help, fair enough, if it's some man deciding that his comment is so worthy of my time that I have to stop what I'm doing to listen to the same 'funny' comment I've heard 20 times that week, he can fuck right off.

If what's wrong with society is me not wanting to give up my time and space because some bloke has decided I must, the I'll happily take that.

WeekendFreedom · 12/05/2024 20:45

taxguru · 12/05/2024 19:59

A lot of people only wear headphones because they don't want to be approached, many aren't even listening to anything, it's just the sod off sign.

I get thats why some wear them but I don’t wear headphones cos I don’t like them but I also don’t want to be approached lol

phoenixrosehere · 12/05/2024 20:48

NewName24 · 12/05/2024 20:14

Absolutely.

Fortunately, I only come across so much misery and unwillingness to communicate with people on MN Threads rather than in all the places I go in life.

Or people don’t feel free to say such things in everyday life. People are more open on an anonymous forum where they don’t have to be as polite as is needed/expected in society.

People are saying on this forum it bothers them but can they actually voice that in public and to someone’s face without repercussions?

KreedKafer · 12/05/2024 20:54

Allfur · 12/05/2024 16:13

Cycling would be quicker

Not by the time I’d been to Halford’s, bought a bike and learned basic traffic rules.

phoenixrosehere · 12/05/2024 20:56

FoodieToo · 12/05/2024 20:19

I am pretty anto social but shocked at this ! You shouldn't approach someone wearing headphones ??
Why not ?
This is quite scary really . Will wereach a stage where we have no human interaction at all?

That will never happen.

There will always be people who enjoy and want inane chit chat and they will find each other while those who just want to be left alone will be happy they have so they aren’t bothered.

Zebedee999 · 12/05/2024 21:03

Absurdgiraffe · 12/05/2024 15:08

Yanbu. I "approached someone wearing headphones" on the train to ask him if he could possibly move over a little, as I have a disability and needed to stand closer to the pole for stability.

Thankfully he was able to do so.

Apparently, according to the miserable types on here, he should have totally ignored you and you were rude for interrupting his listening.
If someone needs my help then I am always happy to help out even if at an inconvenience to myself.

ItsFairDreich · 12/05/2024 21:10

YoureStuckOnMeLikeATattoohoohoo · 12/05/2024 20:40

It's never someone needing help, 9 times out of 10 it's some bloke with a bit of inane conversation (it's usually happens to me 5 or 6 times within a 2 hour period as I have a fairly unusual looking dog)

If I was interupted by someone genuinely needing help, fair enough, if it's some man deciding that his comment is so worthy of my time that I have to stop what I'm doing to listen to the same 'funny' comment I've heard 20 times that week, he can fuck right off.

If what's wrong with society is me not wanting to give up my time and space because some bloke has decided I must, the I'll happily take that.

Ok I can get that. My interaction with people has usually been walking to work and older people speaking to me. I get the impression that I might be the only person they may speak to that day. Fair enough, different situations warrant different responses. I just would hate it to become the norm that people are ignored.

phoenixrosehere · 12/05/2024 21:27

Zebedee999 · 12/05/2024 21:03

Apparently, according to the miserable types on here, he should have totally ignored you and you were rude for interrupting his listening.
If someone needs my help then I am always happy to help out even if at an inconvenience to myself.

Most have said they would be fine if it is someone who genuinely needs help, not someone who is just looking to talk at them because the person is either bored or using it as an excuse to chat them up.

Barbarella73 · 12/05/2024 22:03

Gosh, so many responses! If I were posting again now I would say ‘inconsiderate’ rather than ‘ridiculous’. I was approached three times today in a short space of time and posted after that.

For clarity, I live in a large city, rather than a smaller community, and get approached several times a week while out and about. Usually by men - asking for directions then trying to continue the conversation, or asking for help with something (self-service checkouts at Boots today, for example - and no, I don’t work there).

Sometimes women - a young woman asked me at a bus stop this week what I thought of what she was wearing, for example. And then she told me about her life in the care system, which was incredibly sad. I’m glad I was there for her in that moment, but if I were feeling fragile… well, it’s a lot to take on, as a stranger.

On each occasion I was wearing very visible headphones, and there were others nearby who weren’t. And each time, I took my headphones off and responded because to do otherwise would feel rude. But I work full-time, study part time and am a carer - like many people, I have a lot on my plate. I don’t always have the bandwidth to help an older person feel less lonely, or support a vulnerable young woman, or shore up the ego of a man who has chosen to focus his attentions on me.

My ex-husband used to tell me I smiled too much - maybe he was right.

OP posts:
minthybobs · 13/05/2024 08:57

I have a lot on my plate. I don’t always have the bandwidth to help an older person feel less lonely, or support a vulnerable young woman, or shore up the ego of a man who has chosen to focus his attentions on me

Thats not unreasonable. Right after my dad died I was in town and some bloke told me to smile and tried to start up a conversation with me. I was feeling utterly broken in that moment and I completely blanked him. I am sure he thought I was “rude” but the thing is- you really don’t know what a stranger might be dealing with in that moment. You might be feeling happy and wanting to chat but you have no idea what the other person might be going through.

Barbarella73 · 13/05/2024 13:02

minthybobs · 13/05/2024 08:57

I have a lot on my plate. I don’t always have the bandwidth to help an older person feel less lonely, or support a vulnerable young woman, or shore up the ego of a man who has chosen to focus his attentions on me

Thats not unreasonable. Right after my dad died I was in town and some bloke told me to smile and tried to start up a conversation with me. I was feeling utterly broken in that moment and I completely blanked him. I am sure he thought I was “rude” but the thing is- you really don’t know what a stranger might be dealing with in that moment. You might be feeling happy and wanting to chat but you have no idea what the other person might be going through.

I’m so sorry for your loss. It’s hard to put one foot in front of the other at such a time, let alone have to deal with a stranger thinking they are entitled to comment on your demeanour and demand your time.

OP posts:
MiniPumpkin · 13/05/2024 22:09

Dh puts in earphones (silent) if he needs to go outside and there’s a neighbour out there he does not want to talk to. He’s not the chatty type 😂

crumbledog · 13/05/2024 23:46

I think that’s the problem with earphones/ headphones most people seem to be using them to send fuck off signals, which is slightly arrogant to me. I mean are people really that interested in talking to you that you need to fend them off with your big headphones.
I’m more on the introverted side, so not looking to strike up conversation with all and sundry, but beyond jogging, or say a long journey. I just don’t get why you need to be entertained, or distracted from the world around you all the time.

Aswellisnotoneword · 14/05/2024 00:07

Not the point of the thread, but things I’ve needed to tell people wearing headphones (who are completely oblivious to their environment) include:

  • ”it’s your turn to move to an empty self check-out in the supermarket queue and you’re holding us all up
  • “you’re blocking an empty seat on the tube that I really would like to get to”

@largeprintagathachristie 99% of the times I have had to do either of those things, the person wasn't wearing headphones.

Dweetfidilove · 14/05/2024 00:41

I’m never surprised when a MN complains about being lonely and unsupported.
I mean, we all want the world to eff off and leave us in our little bubble/unit/whatever is the term of the day ☹️.

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