Vegan and work night out

[ChockysChimichanga]

Genuinely a bit unsure if I’m being unreasonable here, hence the thread!

I’m organising dinner and drinks for a group of work colleagues. Nothing fancy, just food and drinks. The venue we chose is a local pub with a decent menu. However, one colleague has said he doesn’t like either of the vegan options and wants to go to a very different restaurant. No-one else wants to go there. Colleague has now announced he’s not coming and is annoyed with me.

I felt quite guilty initially and spent some time trying to find another pub/restaurant with more vegan food but there aren’t really any suitable and having slept on it, I now feel that he’s being a bit of a twat about it.

I get that he wants to have a nice meal (and in fact I’m vegetarian so I do understand) but there is vegan food there, he just doesn’t fancy it.

AIBU to stick with the original venue or should I try and accommodate him more?

So much this! I organised the last one and got zero thanks for it, just moaning about stuff. Not doing another one, that’s for sure.

I would get "him" to organise the next one,

I agree that most pubs aren't great at vegan food but if you choose to eat a restricted diet for whatever reason you can't afford to be fussy.

He is being very childish.

He has excluded himself by being ridiculously demanding and fussy.
You've done nothing wrong. The majority seem happy, sometimes you cannot please everyone!

It’s an invitation not a summons. Up to him whether he comes or not .
Don’t change plans for him though

Blimey, he sounds like a right pain in tge arse. When I first became vegetarian, in 1984, you had to ring up in advance & 'warn' them there was a veggie in the group and you almost always got macaroni cheese! He's lucky to have options!

Why do you think he should pay for a meal he won't enjoy eating? If you won't change the venue, then of course he shouldn't go.

Surely the venue could rustle up chips and beans for him. I love chips and beans!

YANBU. The menu has vegan options, he can either choose something vegan from said menu or continue acting like a 3 yr old. His choice.

I’m vegan and I think he’s ridiculous. I’d love everyone to think about animals the way I do, but being an awkward sod is never going to win people over. As long as there’s something I can eat, I’ll go. My only exception is when it’s meal for me, like my birthday, then I want a restaurant that does a really good plant-based menu in addition to the usual omnivore stuff. With work, I’m just like ‘there is one vegan-friendly option so great, I can come’ and I expect to be left out of when people bring baking in etc
If he doesn’t want to go, that’s up to him, drop the rope on the issue. You can’t have a niche diet and expect to run the show. He didn’t even run the show, you’ve been doing all the organising!

I never said he should be forced to go or pay for a meal he didn’t like. I asked if I should consider changing the venue to accommodate him.

Am vegan, yanbu. If he is happy with neither choice I would suggest he contact the venue but to be honest there is a good chance he is looking for something to be annoyed about.

You will never please everyone. As it was a work social in a pub, he could have come along for a few drinks and swerved the food.

His attitude is "his way or no way" which I find annoying.

When a group of you go out, you go where the majority are happy to go.

Yanbu.

The venue you originally went with has multiple vegan options, it's just that he doesn't like them. Whereas at his choice of venue there will be multiple colleagues who have nothing on the menu they will like. So obviously if it's not possible to make everyone happy you at least minimise unhappiness by going with the option that makes fewest people unhappy. I've been on group outings to restaurants I don't much like loads of times. You focus on the company and conversation and don't pay much attention to the food. It's one meal. He can just toy with a bread roll and eat something at home later if it's that bad.

Absolutely do not pander to the minority. He’s chosen to limit his diet and as such must accept that some places he goes won’t have any options he wants to eat.

Vegan is a choice I’d care more if it was an allergy. Let them eat first and join you after. Vegans are all too often like marathon runners, can’t wait to tell you all about it.

He sounds like a selfish, petulant, spoilt brat. If everyone else is happy with the venue, you're right to stick with it. As he's the only one who wants to go elsewhere, tough on him.

It's a choice between keeping him happy and upsetting everyone else, so go with the majority.

I now feel that he’s being a bit of a twat about it

Yes you're right, no judgement there. You're completely zen about it.

Majority rules. Just because he doesn’t fancy what’s on offer, does not mean the venue has to be changed. I’m a vegetarian and have been to meals where I might not fancy the veggie option. Instead I make do and get creative with sides. I would not expect people to change a venue to suit me.

I’m happy if there is one vegan option and even if there isn’t and I like the people who have invited me I just have chips. He is being a twat

I’m vegan and YANBU.

I also have a soya allergy.. so fair enough if both the options had soya in, I would ask if we could change on that basis but just cos they don’t fancy an option, they are BU

You're not being unreasonable, unreasonable would be chosing somewhere with no vegan options. Your colleague needs to decide to just come for before or after drinks, or to chose something from the menu like a salad or chips with maybe a starter, or to decide not to come. You're not excluding him, he's deciding to exclude himself.

You shouldn’t feel bad at all. There are vegan options so it’s not like it’s nothing.

Speaking as someone who has eaten more than my fair share of red onion tartlets while my colleagues tucked into a full Christmas lunch with all the trimmings ( and incidentally been denied a couple of roasties because “ the tart doesn’t come with roasties it comes with this poncey three rocket leaves and a slice of cucumber you could read through salad” , I sort of feel for him, but sometimes you just have to either suck it up or have a previous engagement.