To think partner's comment was unreasonably nasty??

[Celia24]

I'll preface this by saying I grew up with grandparents where emotional abuse was present. I was witness to a lot of nasty belittling comments growing up and something my partner said today upset me.

We've been together six months and just had our first holiday together - 8 days, the most time we've spent together. Overall it has been really lovely and we've rubbed along very well together.

Now partner is foreign but his English is very good. We ordered takeaway lunch and he went to get cutlery, drinks etc, while we waited for the main food. I went in to pick up the food and grabbed another cutlery set while there as I recalled he only brought out one.

When I came out and put another set of cutlery on the table he said with a smile on his face 'are you blind? I already brought the cutlery'. It turned out he ordered something to eat with your hands

I felt shocked and hurt by his 'are you blind' comment. I told him that was incredibly rude and hurtful. He said he didn't realize and that he thought British people lightly rubbed each other sometimes. He said the translation to him wasn't rude. AIBU to think this is bullshit?

We had such a nice time and I felt it was a nasty comment.

It is rude in English, but not particularly rude in context

he could just have easily translated it as "didn't you see? I have already brought the cutlery"

He's offended that you assumed he hadn't got any cutlery for you and I would be too I'm afraid.

I wouldn't say that it was rude, although I guess it would depend on how he said it, ie, with a smile on his face or in his eyes, or snarky, if the first he was just teasing you, and as English isn't his first language perhaps he thought it sounded OK, but just didn't carry it off well. If I said something like this to my DH, he would say 'no, not blind, but very good looking' or something equally light hearted. Sounds like you're taking things too much to heart OP

I don't think what he said was particularly rude (especially in the context that you describe).

You're overreacting, massively. Shocked and hurt, oh boy!

When he said it, it drew a look from a woman at the next table as well. In the moment, it felt bad.

I suppose maybe I am sensitive and partly because of what I saw growing up. It reminded me of that. I know that doesn't mean he meant anything by it.

It's marginally rude but really not a big deal. I'd say it to family without a second thought.

It is lost in translation, don’t think it is nasty but in any case he explained it, so what’s the big deal?

An example for a lot of languages translated to English is ‘of course’ it comes across as a scold but it’s just a translation of ‘yes that’s right’.

Yeah it's rude and completely unnecessary

You might be overthinking it. If that's the only incident, I'd overlook it. However, if there are other things that are contributing to why you have picked up on this, then maybe a bigger issue.

'Blind' is harsh and used negatively in the English language, linked to deception or a lack of judgement. It's used as a character failing.
Not so in other languages. In Persian for example the main word for blind means 'one who sees with his heart' so it's directly linked to sight , or lack of. That's all.
What's his native language?

Ummm what?! I say this all the time in my family. 🙃 - was he very angry when he said it? Like he shouted it or something?

Def lost in translation!

It's really hard to tell because it depends on how it was said. In a jokey way? In a scornful way? The delivery is crucial.

OP I don’t know why everyone’s decided YABU. I wouldn’t like that comment at all from a native speaker. However since English isn’t his first language, I’d be inclined to give him the benefit of the doubt and assume he just didn’t understand how rude and abrupt that comment could sound in English. Unless he’s behaving unpleasantly to you in other ways.

I really wouldn't say it's "incredibly rude and hurtful". It may be a perfectly acceptable phrase in his language or he misunderstood the British sense of humour. My DH is foreign and sometimes says things that are a little off. He assumes they're OK because he thinks the British are always joking about.
I think you're being over-sensitive.

Said with a smile on his face suggests it was a joke said with fondness. If he'd scowled and shoved the original set in your face I would agree he was being nasty. But said lightly with a smile I would have just laughed and said 'I thought we needed two!' I think it shows a level of intimacy between you where he feels he can joke with you, and I would look on that as a good thing. But as you've had a traumatic past I think it would be a good idea to have a chat with him about you being sensitive to comments that he knows are a joke but you think are insults, so that he takes care not to offend you.

Now that you've told him it's hurtful if he does it again then that's an issue. Since its the first time I think it's fine as a lot of people would just take it as a joke.

“Are you blind” is used as an (abilist!) insult in British English, which but doesn’t really translate to other cultures. If he said “didn’t you see” instead would you have felt upset?

My DH is American. Two cultures separated by a shared language, as they say. We’ve had some very confusing upsets, and we only have cultural differences not translation issues. You do need to learn to roll with misunderstandings sometimes when you’re with someone from a different background.

Obviously, it’s possible he was being an arse. But it doesn’t sound like it from what you’ve put here.

Well he explained what happened and it doesn't sound like he meant it nastily. Tbh you sound quite hard work. It's awful that you witnessed emotional abuse growing up but does it mean no partner can ever make a light hearted comment without you being offended.
DH and I say things like that all the time and just laugh it off. Do you think you might benefit from some help to try and deal with what happened to you during childhood (not just because you were upset by his comment but because it sounds like you are still very affected by it).

Maybe because many of us speak more than one language!
BTW some things are almost universally rude... insults towards one's family, especially their mum, for example.
Blindness vs 'not seeing'.. no...

It all depends on the tone of voice and the type of smile.

I don't like the sound of him. Remember, you can have your own boundaries, you don't need other people to approve them. If being spoken like that is unacceptable to you, that's enough reason to step away from this man, or treat him with caution.

I don't know, it's a hard one.

His English is very, very good. I question if he'd talk to, say, a colleague that way. I doubt it. I have noticed some other 'odd' language things he's said however.

I made it clear straight away that it was unacceptable to me @StopStartStop - we're in the honeymoon period but all things considered haven't been together very long.

If anyone said this to me I would find it rude and I can't imagine a context when it wouldn't be, so YANBU. At best it indicates irritation, at worst it's nasty.