To not feel guilty about maternity leave colleague

[NinePumpkins]

I have been off work due to chronic illness since November of last year - actually, my cancer was diagnosed just after I started in this job about 4 years ago, so my whole employment has been blighted by my illnesses (cancer now in remission, other stuff going on). Nevertheless, I enjoy the job when I'm able to do it - it's an administrative position.

Recently, redundancy proposals were announced at my company, and in my team the other 2 administrators at the level above and below me were put at risk. My role is to be continued. I've now heard it on the grapevine that one of the others, currently on maternity leave, is annoyed about the whole situation, and frustrated that we weren't all put in a pool for redundancy?? I'm sorry she's heard the news while on mat leave and sure that it's stressful, but I'm confident I can return to my position. AIBU for not feeling guilty about it? I'm not sure when I'm going to be able to return, and am currently on unpaid sick leave, but I know things will ultimately be resolved.

I’m not sure she will expect you to feel guilty tbh she is allowed her feelings and they don’t impact you the same as yours don’t impact her.

I just wouldn’t worry about it. Good luck with your recovery.

This will no doubt turn into a ‘woman on maternity leave thinks the world revolves around her how horrible and entitled’ even though there is not the slightest bit of evidence that it’s the case.

You shouldn't feel guilty as the situation isn't of your making, but I understand why she is upset and probably very worried. It's a big thing.

You don't need to feel guilty and I doubt she wants you to feel guilty, but it's reasonable for her to be annoyed that the whole team isn't being considered for redundancy.

A friend of mine was told she was at risk of redundancy while on maternity leave - she thought her boss was ringing her to congratulate her on her brand new baby, but instead she was told her job was at risk. She stayed in that job another ten years but never really got over it in truth and it ruined her maternity leave. Cut your colleague some slack.

No, you don’t have to feel guilty. Her feelings and panic are understandable but it doesn’t mean that you have to carry guilt about it.

This, are you telling other people she's being horrible and making you feel guilty without any evidence?

I believe there are new laws that protect women on mat leave from redundancy, which is why she won't have been consulted with.

It's not your fault so I wouldn't feel guilty but at the same time I'd have a bit of empathy. Women on mat leave get treated so badly, you're lucky if you have a job to go back to with people enthusiastic to see you back, however good you are at your job. It's also really hard to get another job if people think or know you've got a baby or toddler at home and mums have bills to pay too. I hope you make a great recovery and I'd focus on your own position really

No one’s asking you to feel guilty. She’s understandably stressed and upset because it’s a shit situation and she wants to maximise her chances of keeping her job.

It doesn't sound like she wants you to feel guilty. She is questioning the redundancy process and the identification of the "pool", which she is entitled to do.

I'm reading between the lines that she's annoyed that I've had to be off so much ever since I've started, and have now been off for 6 months in a row - like I don't deserve the position. There's currently no one covering my role

How can there be nobody covering your role if you've been off for 6 months?

That's a lot of reading between the lines.

Have you even spoken/messaged, or are you just overthinking this?

Is there a possibility that they will get redundancy and the company can manage you out under the sickness policy? That way everyone goes but they don't pay redundancy to everyone.

This is exactly what I am thinking. Especially if no one has been covering the role during the 6 months absence. It doesn't exactly sound like a business critical role.

Especially since you've said youve been off a lot since you started 4 years ago, now been off for 6 straight months and aren't able to give an estimated return to work date, you must be quite far along in terms of their sickness management policy.

I would be worried if I was off for six months and my job didn’t need covering. You may want to get in touch with HR and start discussing a phased return to work if you are able.

It sounds as if they may be getting rid of the admin function and having other teams absorb the work.

Honestly how she feels about being made redundant isn’t really any of your business let alone something you need to feel guilty about. Just focus on yourself.

People don't seem to understand that roles are made redundant, not people.

We had this at my work - pretty much every department apart from mine at risk. There was the same feeling that we all should have been in the pool and it cause a lot of bad feeling.

TBH it sounds like you have history with this woman. She's protected by law ATM, being on maternity leave. But is allowed to feel what she likes about the situation, independent of you, your feelings, and which positions are under threat.

I think you should probably consider whether they’re looking at dismissing you on capability rather than offering you redundancy. You could be in a more vulnerable position than your colleague.

She might get a great payout. I was offered only full time or redundancy when I was on May leave. I got a lawyer who got me a big payout. It massively changed our financial security for the better.

I agree with others. You don’t need to feel guilty but she’s entitled to feel upset and stressed by the whole thing. I’m on maternity leave atm and if I was told my role was at risk I’d be so stressed.

You sound very confident your role is ok even though you’ve not worked 6 months and no one is covering for you? I’d be more worried about that than spending your time not feeling guilty that your colleague may lose her job as I think you could be more vulnerable than you think.

There is no reason to feel guilty in case of redundancies.
You could feel guilty about spreading rumors about those at risk, it's a bit shit.

‘Reading between the lines’ is often projection of our own unwanted emotions and thoughts onto other people.

I dare say you might be feeling some guilt and worry (whether it is warranted or not) but for whatever reason are struggling to acknowledge it. By projecting it all onto her “she thinks I should feel guilty” you get to defend your ego and then have it validated by others “you have nothing to feel guilty for”.

It is very unfair of the mother though.

I thought there were new rules now that give you priority if you are on maternity leave