Takeaways every night !

[Lookwhostalking25]

I am sure I will be absolutely jumped on
but I just cannot get the hang of sorting dinner out 😂😂🙈
single mum of 3 ( baby and 2 primary school kids, one of which is disabled ) widowed nearly a year now.
I can juggle about everything else but food I struggled before returning back to work but wasn’t too bad but since returning I just haven’t managed it.
today was day 14 of takeouts after going back to work 2 weeks ago 😂😂
please send me tips because I’m sure the kids will come accustomed very shortly to take our lives haha !

Sorry for the late replies - I tend to jump on here when the children are occupied or asleep so can be a bit of a gap in my posting

just a huge thank you everyone’s kind comments and support

I should add that I am not concerned about the food they are eating, they have well rounded balanced diets.
I haven’t taken a lot on board and have made some purchases and food meal ideas but unfortunately for us changing to frozen chicken nuggets - Turkey twizzlers is not something I’m willing to do ( occasionally of course they are not banned or anything haha ) I will try this week to limit are take outs and find some sort of routine.
bsck at work in a few hours after a lively weekend so we will see how it goes.

Thanks again for the kindness ( 99.9 percent of you )

This is a really condescending post: the paragraph starting “you are feeding them crap” is really nasty. And yet you recommend sausage and mash and fish fingers?!

Nutritionist here 👋🏻. You’re a hero and you’re an amazing mum. A few thoughts as I imagine you have all sorts of mum guilt about the quality of the nutrition your kids are getting. Takeaways can be high in salt but also the types of fats we would ideally avoid having too much of but I would not be too hard on yourself or pressure yourself to change overnight. Start with one meal per week and work your way up (habit stacking).

Assumimg your children have cooked food at school/nursery, it’s absolutely fine if they have snacky/picky meals at home. Pitas, wraps, hommous, ready cooked fish, prawns, boiled eggs, cheese, ham, olives, crudities and so on. Croats Mollica is a great brand which is minimally processed.

You've got lots of people saying batch cook but I’m remembering when I had 3 under 4’s and my husband (now ex) was having major surgery and recuperating with family. There’s no way I could have coped with any kind of batch cooking. Please don’t feel like you’re somehow a failure for not managing this. I do think it’s worth always cooking double if/when you do manage to cook. Then you can pop the other portion in the fridge or freezer. It’s absolutely fine eating the same food two days in a row. For example a spag bol one night and jacket potatoes with the same sauce the next.

To take the pressure off could you give them some vitamins, ie a multivitamin and a fish oil just to make up for any potential shortfalls? I find that this sometimes helps give people a peace of mind. The best place to go for advice is your local independent health food shops rather than buying from H&B or a supermarket.

The other thing I find really useful to pack in the nutrients is keeping frozen berries to hand in the freezer and adding these to porridge or making the kids a smoothie. You can make smoothies and have the kids drink them as they are, or you can make ‘smoothie bowls’ topped with their usual cereal, or freeze them into healthy ice lollies using silicone moulds. Pack’d offer a discount for new customers and do ready-mixed smoothie packs. You can use a bit of kefir for gut health and blend in chia seeds or nuts for healthy fats.

Another thought - and it might not work for you at all - but could you perhaps get someone in a few hours every few weeks to shop and batch cook for you? It might not save you any money compared to takeaways but you’d at least have home cooked meals and I bet there are retired people
out there who enjoy cooking and could love to help, or even a SAHM who would enjoy doing this. They might even be able to lend you a hand every so often with the kids too.

Lastly, asking your friends and family. It wouldn’t hurt to say you’re going through a rough patch and asking for a hand to watch the kids for a few hours while you get your head round a food shop and batch cook. I imagine you look like you’ve got everything under control to the outside world but people would love to lend you a hand if they knew.

Best of luck.

Woah. Calm down.

I really don’t think they eating crap Or end up obese

This is an example of one of theirs take outs a week, one of the fav options.
Have to click the pic to see full dish
now the cost is the issue and eating it in the car but I don’t see how it’s any less healthier than sausages

Baby steps. It doesn't sound like anyone is malnourished, just that the bank account is a little worse for wear. A few thoughts:

1. Go inside and eat at the place you are getting food from. Eating together at the table will be better for your mental health than eating in a car. No cost savings of course - so maybe just once or twice a week for now?

1. Pick up the main part of the food (eg chicken) and add the sides at home (salads, microwave rice, pita breads, basically anything that's ready to go or takes 2 mins in the microwave / toaster).

1. Ready meals and short cuts. I buy bags of pre chopped peppers and onions. It's absurdly lazy and it takes, what, 3 minutes to chop fresh ones, but it means the difference between actually cooking a spaghetti bol / enchilada, stir fry and not! Ditto jars of sauce, pre chopped garlic, etc.

1. Build a stash - the thought of batch cooking, while well intentioned and works for some, would be like suggesting I just pop up Everest when I'm struggling with mealtimes. Instead cook just a bit more of what you are making. So if you are cooking chicken breasts on the bbq, throw on another few. Then you can use the already cooked chicken the next day in a salad, mixed with some pasta, in a stir fry etc. If you make a cottage pie, it takes only a very small extra amount of effort to double the ingredients and make a second for the freezer. It will take some time, but if you do this a couple of times a week, you've gifted yourself good food when you are feeling less up to it.

Also, only cook what you like. This sounds absurd, but whilst there's tons of stuff I will and do eat, there are probably only a dozen or so things I love to eat. Having those in the freezer will just make it easier to skip the takeaway.

Did you read that paragraph? It stated to op “ you’ll be first in the queue to get them diagnosed as adhd” as well as saying she is feeding them “crap,” will give them acne etc. I cannot see how you don’t find that nasty in the context of the post.

Sausages and fish fingers are not virtuously healthy options in any case.

No, I don’t think so either.

Bless you! Not got kids myself, but my mum was the same with me and my two sisters. We had dinner kebabs multiple times a week and I've turned out ok. There was a mix up and because of it my dad was in France for 6 years and they almost divorced. Solo parenting isn't easy and grief can cause you to have lower executive function so you should be proud of yourself for doing all the other domestic/parenting things you do. However having even just 5 recipes up your sleeve to rotate would save you an absolute packet. There is an Instagramer called Cardiffmum who does lots of different things with Aldi food - all easy, cheap and tasty. I'm still working on this myself, albeit I have less commitments so probably a bad comparison - my favourite for a lazy meal is roast veg and halloumi - roast the veg for 25 mins and add the halloumi on top and roast for another 10 mins. You also start to see health benefits most likely as well. Also the too good to go app is a real money saver. Most importantly don't beat yourself up though - at the end of the day your kids are fed and you sound like a present and caring parent - things some kids only get to dream of sadly.

I'm really sorry for your loss OP.

I have to say though I'm really confused after reading all your posts. You say that you and the children eat the takeaway food 'on route' in the car on the way home, but its really healthy food such as salmon/potatoes/vegetables...how on earth are they eating this type of food in the car? Do you have your own knives and forks that you carry with you? Or are you going to ridiculously posh takeaways that actually provide you with proper knives and forks suitable to eat meat with? (Because I don't really see how you can properly eat meat and veg with plastic or wooden cutlery)

Despite you constantly insisting that your children are eating healthy meals, you must realise that regularly eating dinner in the back of the car isn't normal or healthy, in any way? It can't be good for digestion, and it's not teaching them any social skills around how to eat/how to sit at a table/have conversation through dinner etc...it can't be emotionally good for them either.

I understand it must be really hard for you, but gosh there are lots of ready meals out there. Even 'healthy' ones that would include your beloved salmon and vegetables, especially if you have plenty of money to spend, as you clearly do if you can afford £1000 a month on takeaways. I mean that's just mental isn't it? That really is the definition of 'more money than sense' quite literally.

You keep focusing on the nutritional health of the food your children are eating but I think if you're honest with yourself you're not teaching them anything good here.

I hope you find a way to cope better at some point and use some of the very good advice here. Things will get easier.

If you read all my posts, you would also see that I have agreed that eating in the car is a problem, and that the money spent on takeouts is a problem. I have also said that I ordered an air fryer and looked at the other alternatives that were suggested

my comments regarding the nutritional value of the food was in replies to the comments regarding my children being made obese / unhealthy and adhd related.

in terms of their social skills and having a chance to sit down and talk, that was why I wake up ridiculous times of night to do the shift hours I do so that I am home and with them after school without cutting hours so that we have that time to discuss their school days and chill for a while before bed.

I’m fully aware that I have lacked alot in the eating at home area and fully admit it and wish I had not and trust me there is plenty of other areas that are failing miserably I’m just trying to find the pace to manage life and to get everything right is exhausting and to fix these failings one at a time. Food being the first.
more money than sense comment - your are probably right although we are not rich. I have always worked so hard and my partner had a life insurance policy ( I would trade that insurance money for him to walk through the door and to have got to hold our baby that he never got to meet and to watch his children grow ) that insurance money has meant for this year I have been able to outsource care in the mornings for the kids / cleanse for the home which won’t last forever. Book each child their dream holidays
I do as I have said Mutiple times wish I spent a lot less on takeouts and it is something that I’m dedicating to achieving.

You do not need to justify yourself to people that CLEARLY have no idea what you have been through. I imagine it was enough just to get out of bed in the early days. You are doing a wonderful job op, under incredibly challenging circumstances.

I would have made the same decisions as you. Ultimately it is about capacity. When you are ready - you can sweat the small stuff like home bloody cooking.
In the meantime you will focus on keeping a roof over your head, and the babies cared for.

You haven’t said very much about the support and care you have around you? Have you had counselling? I hope you have real life support. You are doing a grand job op 💐💐

That recipie you posted looks amazing and not at all junky. Is there chance the childcare you have covering your early shift could help with batch prep?

You are doing amazingly - really.

I’ve been thinking about the eating in the car thing as I can’t see how it’s easier than eating the takeaway at home. Surely it’s a lot harder and messier eating in the car than waiting the extra 20mins or half an hour till everyone’s at home and you can just serve it all up and dive in?

Do you think it might be because your DH did all the cooking, it was his domain, and all sitting around the table together shines a light on who is missing from that table?

Apologies for the armchair psychology! I’m just wondering if everyone giving you recipe ideas etc is really addressing the real issue of why you order takeaways every day and then eat them in the car? Sorry if I’m way off the mark here x

Do not beat yourself up…my mum through this with 4 of us. Just getting us all out to school with some toast was hard enough, getting out of bed hard enough.

We ate a lot of mince and a lot of zm&s ready meals….

We do make it home sometimes before eating but middle DC especially just jumps straight in 😂

So sorry for your loss but Bloody hell OP, I’m astounded and impressed at the wide range of food your v young kids are eating! I don’t really know of any local families who don’t stick to the standard meat and 3 veg around here. Rice is viewed with shock and suspicion.

I’m also a tad envious that you live somewhere with so much choice for tasty takeaways. We live very rurally and the nearest takeaway shops I can drive to is 30 mins away. A chippy, pizza shop and an Indian.

I can cook ok but DS was a fussy sod from about 3yrs and even now at 15yrs, wont eat anything during school hours, won’t touch the majority of fruit or vegetables, has never eaten eggs (other than in a cake) despite the fact we have our own small flock of 7 hens.

Honestly, other than it being a bit expensive, I think you’re doing incredibly well. You should be really proud that your kids are happily tucking into so much variety.

Also, I don’t see what’s wrong about a car picnic. 🤷🏻‍♀️ Perfect families belong in silly adverts as they don’t exist in real life!

Same here. My dream is the Mezze selection as a takeaway so I can eat it over a few days because when you have it in a restaurant, I can't make a dent in it because there's so much delicious food.

Then it would be sushi, noodles, tempura vegetables and steamed gyoza.

Also a selection from my favourite Indian vegetarian street food bar. All their food is in tapas/largish starter sized so it's recommended that you order 2-3 dishes per person but I'm usually stuffed after 1.5 portions and there's about 8 things on the menu that I like so it takes ages to go through all my favourites. My big treat when DP is away (because he would just eat all the leftovers) is to buy about 6 portions and eat them over 2/3 days.

None of that food is unhealthy, especially if you don't overeat, nor is what the OP is buying. There's far more to takeaways than pizzas, burgers, fried chicken and oily 'chicken tikka masala' type curries.

Looking at your takeaway example, have you looked at Buddha bowl recipes? Easiest things to put together.

Don't make it too difficult at first. I love cooking but since having a little it's been much more difficult to get the time.

Have easy things ready, like beans and bread, or soup or cheese on toast.
Try chicken pieces, cheat with breaded for now, put on oven with oven chops, then do veg in microwave.
Yes the food I suggest is processed but will be better for you and cheaper/quicker than takeaways.

Was widowed in a previous life, so I get it. Sorry for your loss, especially difficult with kiddos to support, you are doing ok, and if its takeaway you need, do it and don't feel guilty.

Please just don’t listen to the noisy posters OP.

You are honestly doing brilliantly and I find it disgusting that people would want to lecture you in your situation when you yourself have said you choose healthy options. The irony is many of the home-cooked suggestions are not nutritionally marvellous choices anyway- which just goes to show you are far from the only parent not getting it spot on all the time.

Just focus on what you are getting right. Children can graze on healthy fruit, raw veg , cheese cubes etc. Their body really doesn’t make a distinction between those nutrients and something out of a recipe book. If it’s any comfort, I’ve actually veered away from a lot of recipe style meals because I found the “ extra” ingredients ( flour, sauce, butter, salty condiments etc) actually brought the unhealthy aspects to the dish of otherwise quality ingredients. We therefore eat a lot of simply cooked protein with simply cooked veg.

The options you posted OP look great. Ignore the horrible poster and their home cooked junk food suggestion. Luckily almost all others helpful and kind.

To avoid eating in the car is it an option to find a nice cafe for one or two days a week. It could be a real hit of quality time. One with lots of play equipment and an outdoor seating area. I always avoided the kids menus. On a hot day a couple of sandwiches for adults cut up small would be fine, particularly if they come with salad. A jug of tap water for the kids is way better than the sugar in ready drinks. Bonus is lack of clearing up.

We therefore eat a lot of simply cooked protein with simply cooked veg.

Me too. My DH does 'recipes-type dishes' but on my own I just put rice & quinoa, chopped veg and tofu or prawns into my rice cooker and put something like a soy, sesame oil and tahini sauce on the top when it's cooked. I can't see the point in adding in extra stuff that's only bad for me.

“Home-cooked junk food!” I love that - but it does encapsulate the key issue which is what it actually comprises not who cooked it.