To feel I don’t send my child to enough extra curricular activities?

[Enchanted82]

My Children go to a couple of clubs a week (Tuesdays and Saturdays) but feeling overwhelmed by how many parents seem to send their children to different clubs 5-6 days a week? Is this normal and can we not just ‘be’ with our children anymore?

intrigued as to why people run multiple kids Around nearly every day? Do the children ask to be part of all these clubs?

Children need time to just 'be'. Spend time quietly at home, playing, watching TV as a family etc. It not good for them to be galloped out night after night to different activities. Who does it benefit?

@mtg35

why do you assume the two are mutually exclusive?!

loads of the club posters are referring to are straight after school. For an hour. So home by day 5pm - which still leaves plenty of time to play?

many schools here either have sporting and extra-curricular clubs run out of them, run their own, or have solid links which means they're actually really helpful for childcare for people who don't have school hours or flexible jobs. I imagine many other areas offer similar. For lots of kids, this translates to 'lots of activities', but even without this variety they still wouldn't just be relaxing at home during that time.

I know of some kids pre-covid who, on a given day of the week, would be dropped off at school at 8am for Breakfast club, then do a full day of school, then go to after school club until 4:30pm, then to netball which was also held in the school until about 6pm, then to Brownies, which was separate but just round the corner (often one parent would bring a fair few children who'd done similar days), and were collected at 7:30pm. It meant parents could work a full day in the office, and build up flexi time which meant they could finish earlier on other days of the week to pick up their children from school or after school club early, as well as allowing them to explore a full range of interests.

😃😃😂😘

Feel sorry for the poor siblings being dragged around too

some kids enjoy them - some don't.

Sadly 'street play' has vanished hasn't it"? So when people say 'let kids amuse themselves' - with who? Unless you are organising play dates - for many children they will be at home alone - in the 70s/ 80s lots of children were outside playing.

I'd prefer we had that back - but we all know there has been a seismic shift in children's freedom and play. Traffic/ cars have taken kids spaces on the street - and large numbers of children are in after school care til 6 most days.

so - in the culture we live in - people use clubs and activities so their kids get social time and exercise.

We have four kids and when they were all doing activities it was hard. They didn't do loads and loads but obviously with four it was full on. Dh could help out which made things a bit easier.
Now we only have three at home (13,10 and 9)
Our week looks like this
Monday ds1 tutor 4-5,
Ds2 football 5.45-7
Tuesday ds2 tutor 4-5
Ds1 football 5.45-7
Wedsnesday dds1 and 2 Thai boxing 5.45-6.45
Dd football 6-7
Thursday ds1 and 2 Thai boxing 5.45-6.45
Dd netball 6.30-8
Friday ds1 football

Saturday 3 football matches
Sunday 2 netball matches (can be anywhere in Cheshire for one) and 1 football match.

It's busy but the kids love it and it won't be for ever.

I realised we were all much happier if the DCs didn't do too many clubs.

I think 2 a week was the maximum any of us could cope with but then we are all introverts/ASD so need lots of time without people.

DS now does gymnastics and guitar and DD just does Rangers, that's plenty for them.

Two kids here and our weeks are pretty busy but all at their request though my husband does joke that I'm running a Baccalaureate programme. I am glad that we can afford to let them try things I never could as a child but I certainly don't push them. For me the benefit is allowing them. To socialise in different groups so that if issues arise with friends at school they have additional safe spaces to retreat to.

10yr old daughter has started to focus her activities a bit recently (she has tried gymnastics, dance and horse riding over the years as well) - swimming (recreational now while her brother is at his lesson as she completed the swim school ladder) violin x2 weekly, cubs, squash x2.

7yr old son - tennis x2-3 weekly, swimming (I'm hoping by summer we will be at a level he can stop lessons to give us flexibility over when we go to the pool each week but swimming is non negotiable with me), beavers, musical theatre (up to x4 weekly in lead up to show week but on a break now for a bit), golf (fortnightly 5 hole 'medals' that he plays at his golf club with his dad as caddy and occasional lessons with the club pro)

Both kids would love to do more and I do feel like I live at the tennis/squash club sometimes but we are members there so I can use the gym while they have lessons and we play recreationally as a family as well.

Should have said that outside of that my kids do play out a lot! We are in a culdesac with a lot of other kids. They were out between four gardens and the street for scooting/bikes from lunchtime yesterday and had a picnic tea in a neighbours garden after a water fight in the street. The kids are currently developing a waterway down the hill in one of the neighbours gardens and as an ex teacher the imagination and science learning that is on display is incredible.

At times I have to actively enforce screen time to get them to take a break from the sun

I did way too many as a child. Ballet, Tap, Swimming club, piano, horse riding. As a result my kids didn't do any unless they really really wanted to and we're allowed to stop when they wanted to. It was brownies for about 8m for DD1 and she did Gymnastics for a couple of yrs. DD2 joined gymnastics too and wanted to leave when DD1 did.

People do what they can afford and also depending on what their childcare needs are. When DD was 5 she did

Mon - after school club
Tues - swimming
Weds - Rainbows
Thurs - gymnastics (free at primary)
Friday - Frisbee/Dance

She wanted to do all these things, as an only child she loved being with other kids. As a single parent I also needed the childcare, and friends would take her from school to the club for me, which meant I could work longer.

I also thought that some of them were good exercise as well.

At any point if she expressed that she wanted to stop, then she stopped. All the clubs ended at 5pm and we live 5 minutes away apart from swimming.

Do your kids want to do other activities? If not, why would you ‘send’ them. Kids need downtime, I feel sorry for the ones rushed around all the time. Parents need downtime and time to themselves as well!

Having TWO children of those ages…. It is very much in the eye of the storm of lots of clubs and no independence getting themselves there. It will pass @Enchanted82

Mine plays 2 instruments and is a member of 2
orchestras so yeah it’s busy. Luckily some lessons and practices take place in school time. He’s not particularly academic so I think it’s good for his self-esteem to take part in activities he’s naturally good at. Friday is a no activity zone. We’re all too knackered 😂 I did nothing as a kid and was bored witless tbh. It all depends on the kid.

Kids are wildly different and families have different situations and priorities. No point in feeling guilty or smug about how much you do or don't do, nor in judging others for doing 'too little' or 'too much'.

For us, as much as can be fit in is great so long as:

1. it is lead by DC's interest/enjoyment
2. DC is comfortably handling the cognitive and physical load
3. we are willing and able to put in the time and money
4. there is still quality time for free play, self-lead activities, family and schoolwork

Our 7yo only-DC has always done loads and most of DC's activities currently feel like play for them and they have made friends in, or brought friends into, many of them. As someone else said, now is the time to try things out and get to a basic level in a range of things before life gets busier and busier with more schoolwork, exam prep, self-lead social lives and summer jobs as they get older. And, of course, before they have to start committing to one or two things if they want to be competitive/part of a high performing team/get really good.

After the summer DC will be continuing: Fencing (after school), Beaver Scouts, Ballet (after school), Judo (club), Swimming (club), Gymnastics (recreational) (club), Piano (1 to 1 lesson at home) + daily practice at home, Hockey (club), Tennis (1 to 1) + 1 practice with family, Mandarin (online lesson at home + daily practice), Drawing (online lesson at home), Chess practice (at home, previously after school club)
and adding: Choir (before school), Music Technology (after school, instead of Chess club), maybe Cello (at school) + daily practice at home

Some (swimming, tennis, piano and Mandarin) are non-negotiable for us, though DC enjoys them also. The rest are DC's choice and DC does not want to prune anything more at this point, despite encouragement.

30 mins of homework a day, whole family breakfasts and dinners nearly every day, weekend afternoons are kept free for play-dates, birthday parties and family activities and outside these times, these can take priority over organised activities at DC's discretion. There is time, mornings and evenings and weekends, for free play and for DC to indulge passions for reading, drawing and crafting, and listening to songs about poo, as well as an occasional bit of TV. She can and does 'just be' with the best of them. There is plenty of time during endless school holidays for the same plus occasional activities like horse riding, snow sports and sailing (all of which we can enjoy as a family) and of course learning how to be bored/fill their own time.

We are at the extreme of what can work for us and some things would doubtless benefit from more time/focus. It only works because we have just the one energetic, enthusiastic, endlessly interested child, everything not at school or at home is available within a 10 min drive / 20 min cycle, and we are fortunate with reasonably flexible hours, working from home and (just about) enough disposable income and time.

She would definitely do fewer structured activities if we lived somewhere where she could safely and easily get together with friends and run wild and/or do activities like swimming and water-sports under DC's own steam and we would not be able to afford such a schedule for more than 1 child. We full expect focus to narrow over the next couple of years, and especially beyond as DC moves into Year 5.

I dont get why you feel you have too, lots of people get fake nails doesn't make run think i have to do it too

Extra-curricular activities are a wonderful opportunity to for kids to learn new skills, build confidence and capability, establish lifelong interests and make diverse friendships for a rich and fulfilling life outside school and work. Worth doing some, if you can.

May be the same for fake nails, but not sure about that.

I feel a lot of kids do too much these days too, but each to their own, and to be fair, I think a lot of kids do ask to go. I've got 7yr old twins and they do:

Twin 1: Karate, on waiting list for scouts, starting tennis in September
Twin 2: Gymnastics, Brownies, also has tutoring once a week

Both do swimming once a week at school, and both learn a musical instrument at school. They ask A LOT to do all manner of things and clubs, but time and money aren't endless.