To feel I don’t send my child to enough extra curricular activities?

[Enchanted82]

My Children go to a couple of clubs a week (Tuesdays and Saturdays) but feeling overwhelmed by how many parents seem to send their children to different clubs 5-6 days a week? Is this normal and can we not just ‘be’ with our children anymore?

intrigued as to why people run multiple kids Around nearly every day? Do the children ask to be part of all these clubs?

I try to keep a balance...DS6 does swimming (non negotiable) plus Karate and Beavers. I would say no to anything else as I feel that's enough. DD3 does toddler ballet-style class.

We do a lot as a family though, days out, weekends away, trips, shows, theatre and I prioritise family time doing this on a weekend.

I don’t think you have to send them to more clubs, but the 8 year old would possibly benefit from doing a little more depending on what they do at home when they don’t have clubs.

My kids only did one club each at that age but we did a lot with them and they spent their evenings learning to cook, writing stories, building Minecraft worlds, reading, learning to code and build circuits, etc. and the weekends we normally went out for a day trip at least once. Clubs would have been easier but transport was difficult.

My DD did lots because shes an only child with no cousins and it allowed her to be with other children. She's flitted between different activities over the years and most have had transferable skills that move from one to the other.

Some activities you need to get out the way when at Primary school to open doors later. We live by the coast, DD being a competent swimmer was essential not just as a life skill but so she could enjoy the other watersports available in our area.

At Primary age if your child tries lots of activities then when they move to Secondary they'll have a great idea of what they don't like and what they do and what they want to focus on. These hobbies can then extend into lifelong interests and even be built into career choices.

There is plenty of time in the year to just 'be', teen DD plays rugby and we have the best part of the summer off as it's a winter sport. School holidays classes are often cancelled or extra holiday workshops put on which is useful as a heater version of childcare for those that need it.

I'm out of that stage now, but when my DC were doing their clubs I capped it at 3 max per week of which one had to be at the weekend. They got tired, I needed us to eat dinner as a family regularly, and frankly I wasn't going to tear myself in half rushing them hither and thither. It all tails off ultimately anyway when homework and friends arrive. They soon hone their interests and to focus on one, max 2 things (only one can really be done to a really high standard once they get to GCSEs).

I found a lot of parents did it to have their DC out of the house and out of their hair. Another adult was dealing with them, they'd only have to provide a rushed dinner, bath and then straight to bed. Way easier than a bored or whining child.

My dc go to no after school - one has a disability and we can't afford it anyway. They're still happy and well-adjusted kids. They don't need organised clubs and activities to have a good childhood.

What @SalmonEile said. 4DC, 2 do plenty and would do more given half a chance, one does nothing (older, more schoolwork), youngest does 1 or 2 but mainly at weekend. He does completely different stuff to his brother who would happily play football everyday given half a chance and LOVES scouts.

All different, all have plenty of choice and choose accordingly.

Mini blondes 7 does 2. Swimming and gym

That's enough as

1. costs me £30 a week
2. shes tired and needs some down at home time /play dates
3. has slot of homework reading maths spelling every day

8 year old does four clubs a week (and football matches on a weekend 😭)
6 year old does 3 clubs a week. Luckily some (like swimming) overlap. It’s expensive and exhausting for me, but they love them and regularly ask to do more

So we started off with swimming. Basic life skill, essential - dont regard this as optional. Just once a week normal lesson.

Then eldest wanted me to teach him a bit of the instrument i play. Fine, it was a nice thing to do together, did this a few months. But then he wanted proper lessons (its v hard to teach your own child!!).

Then both wanted to join an informal group lesson in the sport DH plays. They love this & go with DH, its something they enjoy doing together.

Then youngest started a dance class with her best friend. Its a short walk from home, its very chilled and she loves it.

To be honest, it keeps them off screens and they often choose to go and practise etc, plus they love the social element, both have friends at all their activities.

Eldest is really proud of being able to play an instrument, its great for his confidence.

I haven't counted a couple of school based clubs, these are free & almost an extension of school/replace wraparound. Coding & cricket.

I found a lot of parents did it to have their DC out of the house and out of their hair.

That's your assumption/opinion. Its probably not their sole reason.

Swimming, gym/martial arts, and brownies/beavers here. Plus an instrument each learned in school.

How do so many people do all this in the week in a practical sense - do you have school hours / v flexible jobs?

@Lostthetastefordahlias I work p/t & DH is hybrid. Couldn’t do it with f/t jibs & commutes.

It can be quite expensive too & luckily we have everything on our doorstep. The only travel is to swimming.

I work flexibly, school hours, and we only have one child so yes, can pretty much do what we want activity wise.

DD is 6 and does 7 activities a week. Three are on her school site so I just collect her later. DH does 2 weekend ones. I need to transport her to 2 other activities, one of which is a pain to travel to, but it offers superior teaching to local options so it's worth it.

She's always had plenty of energy, did loads of classes as a preschooler and has never been too tired after school or with busy weekends, so we've just gone with it. I'm a sahm so I don't have to juggle it with working hours, and the cost isn't a problem. She doesn't go to any childcare so she has plenty of free time at home, she comes up with wonderful imaginative play and craft projects of her own accord.

I expect she'll reduce them as she gets older and needs to focus on academics (she's at a prep and will take the 11+). And I've been aware of that and that's why I want to get things like her swimming and music levels up to a certain level at a younger age, because it will be harder to fit it in with tutoring and increased homework.

At the moment my seven year old son is doing 6- but he asked for them all. No clubs on Thursdays and Sundays and several are straight after school. But two terms ago he asked to take a break from all but the drama and beavers and that was ok too.

With several of the clubs that aren't school ones it takes us 15 minutes to walk there, 15 minutes back, and the same on pick up and the class only lasts an hour. Doesn't really buy us any time for us!

I watch my child play football, do ballet and volunteer for other clubs. So it isn't about them being "out of my hair" it's for development, fun and meeting other children. They enjoy the clubs and are varied. Each to their own with what people chose to do. We have plenty of free time and most clubs are only an hour.

Mine are older now; 14 and almost 18. We've done all sorts of different clubs and activities. My youngest has just quit Explorers because it clashed with rugby and my eldest quit last year due to A Levels and girlfriend . We seem to have come full circle and suddenly nobody needs to be delivered anywhere of an evening!

We had a 2 club rule for each child (3dc) and they didn’t start properly until they were 6 because they were too tied up until then (we just did swimming initially).

Now dd1 has stopped riding as she went into year 11 because the stables closed but she was ready to stop just before her 16th birthday.

dd2 does drama for 3 hours on a Saturday and violin one evening a week.

dd3… this is where it’s gone a bit nuts. She’s less academic than dd1&2 but loves to dance so she does drama with her twin, 3 ballet classes and a contemporary dance class, plus rounders including matches. Costs a fortune but she loves it all and might be a career as she does love performing.

You do lots to find what they might like to do - except swimming which is just good to do.

DD did several things, all stopped with covid. Went back to brownies and music eventually. But now as a teenager has gone in a total different direction and does no clubs anymore as they don’t fit with where her interests lie.

My almost 6 year old does 7 and my 9 year old does 5 (one of which is a sport which involves 2 training sessions plus a match per week so it probably works out the same in terms of actual time spent).

On the plus side, they still seem to have plenty of free time and it means we get 1 on 1 time with one whilst the other is busy.

On the negative side, someone is doing something every day of the week and sometimes the logistics get complicated especially when extra stuff comes up.

We've never pushed anything, dc1 just wants to try everything and dc2 is determined she can do everything he can. Given that my weekend will include 2 football matches and an hour hanging around a dance studio carpark...it's definitely not about getting them out of my hair.

I know some families who do a lot, kids have no choice and might sound judgey but the parents like everything controlled and no time for mucking around in the park after school or freedom to walk home as always picked up and taken to the next activity. My kids do activities on a few afternoons/evenings but certainly not all and I'm flexible to change or for them to go to a friend's party or something instead. The older the kids get the most isolated they seem but we all have different ways of doing things. My kids aren't forced to go to things but are really committed to the ones they enjoy