To think dieting is pointless and not to bother despite being unhappy with my weight?

[Daughterr]

I've in my late 20s, size 18-20. I was a size 10/12 until I went to university and was very unhappy, anxious and depressed there and I've been a size 18ish ever since. I comfort eat every evening, I've tried to replace it with yoga, walks, journalling but none of it feels as comforting for me. I've tried counting calories, intermittent fasting, trying to eat 'normally' (i.e., 3 meals a day). I'm coeliac so I can't eat gluten which has cut out lots of cakes, biscuits, doughnuts, baguettes, etc. I just don't think any of it works, at least not in the long-term. I remember sitting in a nutrition lecture at university, and the lecturer saying diets don't work, and the scientific lecture supports that as most people regain the weight they have lost.

I'm so angry at myself that this will yet again be another summer where I'm wearing jeans and long sleeves in the 30 degree heat because I'm too insecure. But AIBU to think there's no point in even trying with dieting?

Wegovy works for me. Not just suppressing my appetite but I’m less preoccupied by food and cravings aren’t as strong. It is quite liberating to not always be thinking about what I’m going to eat next.

You sound as if you are unhappy with your weight though? Unless Im missing something

I think as long as your health isnt impacted too badly, then focus on just being active and confident.

I'll be honest, I wish I hadnt got as fat as I did, size 24/6 from my early 30s onward, it is ruinous for your health/joints/confidence/skin. Ive lost most of the excess now but wish I hadnt wasted all those years being fat.

I comfort eat every evening

Thatll be it. You have to not have the comfort food there. Or limit it to once a week or a small portion of what you like a day.

You are emotionally eating, you need to explore why and try to break the connection between food and making yourself feel better.

Being able to view food as fuel, rather than a comfort changes everything.

@StormingNorman Maybe I will look into getting it privately via Boots or something. I know I don't meat the threshold for it through the NHS as my BMI is 30, and it has to be over 35 I think.

@soupfiend Oh I am unhappy with my weight (it's in the title). It's just dieting and trying to stop comfort eating seems so futile and impossible.

@Notimeforaname If I don't have any comfort food in the house I feel anxious, and I will go out and buy it no matter how inconvenient it may be. It's a real crutch. I don't drink alcohol or smoke so I guess it's my way of calming down at night. I have tried to go to bed earlier, but I still end up eating as it's so ingrained in my wind down routine. I know that sounds pathetic

Please get on Top of it for your health alone , SW worked for me , hope you find something that works for you

When you say comfort food, what are you seeking comfort about? I think you need to figure out what is stressing you out or making you sad and remove or fix that. Then it will be so much easier to stop snacking x

What happens if you decide to just have something small as a treat or comfort food in the evening? Also what do you do to release stress/manage negative feelings? Are you on top of the depression and anxiety now?
To lose weight and keep it off I need to know I can have treats but my mind set changed to seeing a low calorie hot chocolate and couple of squares of chocolate as a treat rather than much more.
Also could you focus on moving more and eating healthily rather than a “diet”

I would say dieting doesn’t work. You have to change the way you think about food. I’ve been a size 16/18 for years and I’ve lost nearly 9kg since Christmas which has taken me down to a 14. I do think I’ve changed my attitude to food / snacking especially. I find going to the gym really motivating as I don’t want to eat rubbish after I’ve worked so hard. Little bursts of yoga throughout the day, lots of 5 minute standing stretch videos on YouTube.

Consider your gut health and vary the fruit/ veg you eat, natural yoghurt type stuff. I think you sound quite defeatist, I’d consider whether a bit of therapy/ hypnotherapy might help.

Not eating comfort food is not dieting though. Sounds like you need help breaking the link between food and your emotions. Could CBT or some other therapy help with this? It's a start that you want to do something to help yourself. Good luck on your journey.

I think I totally misread the title.

I’d try therapy and Mounjaro. It’s life changing.

Ok I am a man who has had food issues all his life, from anorexia to binge eating. Jan 23 I came home from a holiday at 16stone 11. The fattest ever. So I reduced portion size, made sure if I snacked it was not a pasty or a meal deal but 3 or 4 sweets. I chose lower calarory foods when eating out rice or jacket potato rather than chips.
I am about 14 stone 10 now I need to drop a few more pounds but I am happy

when you are full stop eating

You don’t sound pathetic, but I’m sure you would benefit from therapy and that in turn could help stop you binging?

Feelings are hard to sit with, and by eating you’re avoiding feeling them. Address that and you’ll help stop the binging.

Good luck - you can do this!

Ive managed to cut down to 1000 cal a day and lost 4lb already. I agree its emotional eating and generally caused by other people for me. Its hard when youre surrounded by others eating too.
If you break the emotional eating you might be able to get the weight to stay off.
I used to not eat when stressed.

Beong short i went from bmi 23 to 25 with about 1st and now to 27 is only one more stones so ots not a huge amount over maybe 5y.

You've just told us why you're fat though - you comfort eat in the evening. Don't. Do something else in the evening. Go out, play a sport, go to the gym, do duolingo.

Your metabolic rate declines as you age and you're only in your 20's. You're going to be even fatter if it carries on.

I struggle with my weight too op...I'm a size 14-16 and to be honest that's only through sheer willpower. I could quite easily become big enough to feature on a documentary 😂

I don't know what the answer is...some people are really preoccupied with food...I know I am. I wish I could be one of those people who doesn't give it much head space.

What I would say is please don't wear jeans and long sleeves in hot weather. Have a look at some plus size ranges and look on insta for some fashion inspiration.

Try reading Ultra Processed People. I read it last year and it really did change my life. It explains so well why we can't stop eating and what that (its not food but) food does to our bodies and brains. It's not a diet book, it's just about giving you the information but once you have it it can be incredibly powerful. I was using slim fast as I was reading it as I was desperate to lose 2 stone as fast as possible. And I knew they weren't at all healthy, I knew they were just a 'quick fix' but even so before the end of the book I had to throw them all away because I just couldn't stomach them. I cut out the majority of UPF at home but never had a 'I can't eat this' attitude. I genuinely didn't want to. The 2 stone came off on their own gradually over about 4-5 months and I didn't diet once.

The replies saying to just not comfort eat in the evening
.... Wow.... Bet OP hasn't thought of that

As pp have said yeah if you’re comfort eating every evening sounds like you’ve not been able to give it a proper go. Which is understandable - because it’s not easy at all when you’re used to using food to manage your emotions.

I think I’m a recovering binge eater and I totally get it. I ended up 3 stone overweight which is quite visible on a short person like me, but it could easily have gone up and up based on the lifestyle I was living - constant takeaways and not leaving my house - if I hadn’t nipped it in the bud eventually.

I remember sitting in a nutrition lecture at university, and the lecturer saying diets don't work, and the scientific lecture supports that as most people regain the weight they have lost.

Diets often don’t work for some people for various reasons, those reasons are varied and complex. Some of them are that people go too hard and then find it hard to stick to it eg 800 calories a days. Or they do lose the weight but then revert back to old habits.

But I know when I was determined to lose weight in my early 20s I didn’t really call
it a diet. It was a lifestyle change. I’d become so sedentary and was eating two dinners and massive lunches etc. I replaced that with the gym, calorie counting and walking everywhere and the weight came off. I stopped calorie counting after that year but still was very active and I was 8-9 stone for over a decade while indulging in treats often eg. Morning Starbucks and cake . I went to the gym off and on but the activity was mainly walking on my commute. I’d walk about an hour every day without even realising. Plus more on the weekends when I was out and about.

The weight started to creep back on over a decade later when my lifestyle became sedentary again and I didn’t change my eating habits /diet to match my reduced activity. And if anything I actually began eating more takeaways. I’m now in the process of losing weight again, have lost over half of what I need to so far.

Oh op please don't give up! You can do this! I'm in my 50s & i over the past 5months I have lost 2 stones and if I can do it anyone can!

I lost 4 stone in 5 months last year, dropped for a size 20 to a 14. Start now and promise yourself it’s the last summer you’ll feel like this. Check out Sean Casey on instagram and the app I used at first was the NHS 12 week calorie app. Really easy to use and free.

Losing weight won't change your brain.

I'm a size 22 and I don't 'diet', but I do exercise a lot. I spin twice a week for 45 mins a time at the gym, I lift weights, do Pilates every week and yoga twice a week.

I've only been doing that for a year but the difference in how I feel (rather than look) is monumental.

Ive changed shape a bit and gained muscle and tightened up in places and even though I'm not in any way thin, I am happy.

Try to get yourself moving, and commit to it. It's hard and you need to be disciplined about it, but stop focussing on your body and focus on being happy within it first, then go from there.

I’d recommend therapy and intuitive eating, if you’re lucky you might find a counsellor who mixes both (with qualifications). Read the book Intuitive eating by Evelyn Tribole and Elyse Resch and the other one by Laura Thomas called just eat it.

its working for me really slowly but feels really sustainable and like I never will diet again!

Dw, it doesn't sound pathetic....I have similar patterns in the evening, although not 'comfort eating' as such, more 'relaxation eating' 😅 I need something to enjoy to de-stress me after the intense day/bedtime routine as a parent, and my high pressure job.
How I see it, is that alot of people have a vice or outlet for such circumstances, some it might be a glass of wine, a vape/cigarette....some lucky buggers seem to enjoy getting it through exercise but that has never worked for me (hate it)

I sometimes wish I could fit in more clothes, smaller clothes, look nicer in clothes etc....but my life would feel so sad without treats.
Eating is just something I enjoy and always have.

But I guess it's whether you feel its worth the trade off or not for you.If it is, just get a feel for clothes and cuts that suit you best, eg: mine is no sleeveless/flappy sleeves, no low cut or v neck...

Lost a stone last year by cutting out fizzy drinks/ halfing my white bread and not eating cereal (I used to eat 2/3 bowls a day although I see you don’t have that issue)and not eating after 8 or if I did I’d eat frozen grapes or a frozen yogurt as they took so much longer to eat. In the first two weeks sometimes I just went to bed and then it became easier. I do believe it works but I don’t believe anything extreme works as you know you’re missing out! (When I did more than what I said I was shapely but miserable!!)