To think dieting is pointless and not to bother despite being unhappy with my weight?

[Daughterr]

I've in my late 20s, size 18-20. I was a size 10/12 until I went to university and was very unhappy, anxious and depressed there and I've been a size 18ish ever since. I comfort eat every evening, I've tried to replace it with yoga, walks, journalling but none of it feels as comforting for me. I've tried counting calories, intermittent fasting, trying to eat 'normally' (i.e., 3 meals a day). I'm coeliac so I can't eat gluten which has cut out lots of cakes, biscuits, doughnuts, baguettes, etc. I just don't think any of it works, at least not in the long-term. I remember sitting in a nutrition lecture at university, and the lecturer saying diets don't work, and the scientific lecture supports that as most people regain the weight they have lost.

I'm so angry at myself that this will yet again be another summer where I'm wearing jeans and long sleeves in the 30 degree heat because I'm too insecure. But AIBU to think there's no point in even trying with dieting?

Being a little pedantic here. Dieting is pointless. Dieting tends to be an onerous and dramatic change that people only manage to stick to for a short period of time before reverting to the lifestyle that caused them to gain weight in the first place. Finding a long-term and sustainable approach to food and exercise that works for you is what you should be aiming for.

Restrictive diets don’t work because you end up bingeing or putting it all back on once you start eating ‘normally’.

If you counted your calories and ate ‘normally’ with 3 meals a day, you would lose the weight.
It may come off slowly but it will come off.

Its the evenings that are your issue and until you sort the binge evenings out in the evening, you will struggle to lose weight.

What sorts of things are you eating?

If you need comfort food can you replace them with lower calorie versions like sugar free jelly, ice lollies and popcorn?

I would work this binge into your calorie counting and only buy the amount you can have that evening.

Sorry that the Op hasnt returned but tbh not surprised when we have comments like "comfort eat apples"

Thank you all for the replies, sorry for the delay in replying I had a busy day. I think I will buy the Intuitive Eating book mentioned by PP and see if that helps.

I do agree that it is to feel a void, but I'm not really sure how to go about filling that void in a better way? I have a job I enjoy, but don't have much of a social life as I'm very introverted, and I'm single. I did get into a good habit last year where I was doing an at-home yoga or pilates workout in the evenings and that helped me relax to the point where I didn't need to comfort eat, but I ended up getting injured and so I lost that habit. I'll try and pick it back up again though

I decided at age 64 (just before my 65th birthday) that it was 'last chance saloon' for me! I joined SW and made a decision to stick with a healthy eating regime. Best thing I ever did! I feel more energetic, joints are less painful and I've dropped 2 dress sizes! After 40 years of moaning endlessly about my weight I got to grips with it! Please just do it, for yourself! Exercise willpower, go to pilates, walk with friends, just don't keep on putting it off! Only you can do it - and you really can do it!! Good luck x

I think if this is the case then joining a group like WW or SW would be good for you. Surrounded by people all in the same boat, no judgement , and friendships to be made

Also perhaps look at what walking groups are around in your area, I do park run when I can, I dont run, I walk, and im surprised by how many people I meet in everyday life who say - you do park run at XXXX, thought I recognised you.

Its those that are the hidden support. The ones who recognise you for what you are doing that I find to sometimes be the best. They dont know back history, just that they see you on the same events and accept you as one of them. Im never going to do Park Run in under 20, but those runners knowledge me and cheer me on for doing my best

I cat break my evening overeating so at the moment I trying to change foods I eat. So big bowl yogurt with some defrosted black cherries usually an ice lolly or something then try not to eat after 9pm.
I'm a certified over eater so first I'm changing type of food I eat so I don't feel deprived then I will slowly cut down quantity. Its a sw style

Another vote for Wegovy....it takes away the food noise and you're able to actually live as a normal person without being obsessed with food all the time. It's bloody great.

It's not really about dieting. It's about lifestyle choices and getting to the root of a why you comfort eat. I lost 30 pounds 8 years ago and have mostly kept it off by addressing the mental issues I was having that caused me to comfort eat. Don't fall down the fat acceptance influencers rabbit hole. It is entirely possible to lose and maintain weight loss.

I'm a big fan of meal replacement VLCD's. I lost 4.5 stones back in 2012 and kept it off right up until the first lockdown.

I'm in week four of my new VLCD diet and have lost 30lbs already. I find that once I've entered ketosis, it becomes much easier.

Curious if they were shakes or you made the food? Also, did your hair fall out ? I need to lose weight but I'm so worried about this.

I prefer to do just the shakes, but they do make meal packs as well as crisps and stuff.

DM me for details of the website etc.

And no, my hair hasn't fallen out. If anything my hair is nicer than it was because I'm getting tons more vitamins and minerals!

It's not for everyone, but if you can do the first 4 days, then it gets so much easier.

I sorted my eating out. I rejected the notion of dieting ( always implies a short term fix). And instead focused on normalizing my eating. I was a comfort eater/ binge eater/ bulimic and never ever hungry as I always ate pre emtively, associated just about every emotion with eating. Had huge cravings for food. Often are to the point of pain. I was a mess.

I knew to sort my eating out would take a long time, so I committed to not giving up as a failure after a few month, or even many months. I was in this for the long haul, as my goal was a permanent change. My notion of success was not a weight to acheive but knowing when I was hungry, eating when I was hungry and stopping when I was sated.

I bought a smaller plate, ate off that. I got rid of all binge trigger foods. I was strict about when I could eat, three meals a day and snacks of fruit/ nuts etc if I got hungry. When I got cravings I told myself nothing bad would happen to me, it was just a sensation that I could bear to have. I knew would have ‘failures’ so I accepted these as part of the process, not as a sign I would not achieve my ultimate goal.

It took a year, but it worked. That was two decades ago and the awful cravings are gone, and I have a normal relationship to food. I can have cake or chocolate when I want but don’t need it all the time or eat so much I can’t move.

So I found that viewing it as a long process to permanently normalize my eating worked. As a by product I did lose weight, but that was never the goal.

That’s a lot of weight lost in a short space of time, usually it’s not recommended to lose so much weight so fast. Most advice I’ve seen is around 7-10 pounds a month . If it’s private I understand but do you mind sharing your starting weight? If you’re above a certain weight I can see why you may lose so much weight so fast.

I am a binge eater and was 20 stone at one point, I lost 9 stone in 9 months (no surgery or pills, not saying they are bad) I've kept it off years and it was 100% worth doing.
I have binge days but don't let them go on more than a few days at a time so it doesn't affect my weight.
Time flies so quickly and just think where you could be in 6 months! Getting older with excess weight just gets harder.

Yes this is what saved me! Controlled plan, not thinking about food, guaranteed loss. 9 some in 9 months and kept off for 5 years so far

The rules don't apply on a VLCD. However, there are tons of medical studies on them and they are safe.

If you're on a VLCD it will come off that quickly (although didnt for me, slow loser), its what happens quite commonly with people who have had WLS as the calories are extremely low for the first few months or so. The surgeons usually set you a target and like to see quite a lot come off. But even if you havent had surgery, any method of LC will see fast loss, it can be very motivating if you're so inclined.

Okay I see - thanks all for the info. that’s interesting about the VLCD. Yeah I suspect I’d be a slow(er) loser too if I did do them. I tend not to put on or lose weight quickly.

Well I “only” have about 30 pounds to lose so I’m happy to do it a slower pace anyway as it will still only take me 3/4 months to lose Maybe if I was more significantly overweight I’d consider a VLCD, but I prefer to make smaller changes as part of a sustainable lifestyle change.

But yeah I can imagine it would be motivating, my weight loss has been quite slow in comparison which not everyone has the time/patience for.

Weight loss is 95% mentality. Seriously, if you’re not mentally ready then it’ll never come off/stay off.

Im currently doing keto. I had big plans to do it but it took me a couple of months to actually start it as I knew my head had to be 100% in the game or it wouldn’t work. I got to the place I needed to be mentally, did the big food shop for it and it’s going well with 0 temptations as I was at that point.

I did slimming world before many years ago. Again I was 100% in the right place mentally and prepared and I achieved and kept it off until lockdown followed by 2 back to back pregnancies.

I read the Gkucose Goddess' book, am currently reading the Obesity Code and next I have Ultra Processed People.

Am learning so much!!!

I also use weight loss jabs, it's working for me.

I agree with the 95% mentality. People who believe they can't lose weight won't lose weight it's part of the "argue for your limitations and they're yours" mentality (Richard Bach Illusions.)