Do you have to be a bit ruthless to get ahead at work?

[Beezknees]

Not sure if it's an AIBU. Just pondering really. I've been a lone parent my entire adult life and I've been happy pottering along in "jobs" rather than aiming for a career as I didn't really have the energy with a young child too. Started a new role last year in a large company with scope for progress and promotions, DS older now and doesn't really need me much any more so I've been thinking it would be nice to do something for me and aim higher, earn some more money.

But I feel as though you have to be pretty ruthless and for "yourself" to work your way up. I don't mean being horrible to people, but not concerned with being popular or everybody's friend. I've not been there as long as some people on the team but I've been given more opportunities already as I'm outperforming them (not a boast, we are shown in the stats). I'm starting to wonder if they'd maybe resent me for it! But I guess that to get ahead, you can't worry about things like that. Is this just how it is?

my ex wasn’t and isn’t ruthless

and very very senior and on £200k plus

just very intelligent and worked damn damn damn hard

i suppose if he’d been ruthless he’d be CEO now so maybe it would have done him favour

do they in any way give a hint they resent you?

you sound far from ruthless from the style of your OP I have to say

You always hear that billionaires are only billionaires through exploiting others!

No, it's just me being paranoid!

Not ruthless, unless that's your particular work place culture (and tbh if that's the case, find a new job!)

But you do need to understand professional boundaries I think. Particularly as a woman, being too friendly and helpful can mean you get walked over. I am friendly, but with distinct work boundaries. There will always be people who you don't particularly like, but still being able to work with them is an important skill. For me, that started with not particularly caring how they felt about me personally

Ha! I'm not. I'm pretty easy going. But then does that get you anywhere?

From what I've seen blowing your own trumpet and brown nosing the right people seems to be key.

Yeah, I guess that's what I mean.

Thank you, that's something to think about.

OP you’re on a low income is on £23k and full time

chanel any ruthlessness you think you have in leveraging a high salary!

someone ruthless wouldn’t care either way let alone be paranoid about it!

I think you do, to a degree.

If you mean ruthless in an 'I'm going to put everything into this and go for it' kind of way. So what if you outperform your peers and then get a promotion? You can still be friendly, be helpful. But NOT going for a promotion because Jerry would have his nose out of joint because he's been there a year longer, is madness!

I agree with you to a degree. I wouldn’t call it ruthless though, more about self promotion, having a ‘profile’ and constant bum licking/networking. I think if you’re that sort of person (narcisstic tendencies) then great, crack on, but it shouldn’t disadvantage those of us who are just solid good-at-our-jobs people that don’t have the inflated ego.

£24k now, went up last month 🤣 that's the plan!

Well you should be proud of your achievements for a start! Everything in your OP (the disclaimer for not boasting, the "fear" that your colleagues might resent your performance) screams to me that you are quite...passive and eager to please rather than to achieve success.

Own your success and be kind, it's not mutually exclusive you know!

Kindness is good but you need to develop other qualities; resilience, taste for healthy and fair competition, learn how to be opportunistic (in a good way!), how to make your own work visible (never stealing the spotlight to those who deserve it).

It's a more accessible way of being successful it seems

Thank you, I'm wondering if that's the problem! I've always been low paid and coasted along, I'm wondering if the only way to change that is to change my ways!

Many years ago I was a Nanny for a billionaire family. On my first day of security training (there had been a previous kidnap attempt on the children) the Father said to me “You don’t get this rich without pissing off A LOT of people on the way!”

So yes ruthless!

It definitely depends on the workplace I’d say.

At my old firm, there was no competition, no elbows out, no putting others down to get ahead.. Everyone just wanted to do well and they did. My current firm is all of the above ^, I don’t trust anyone and I def don’t want to try very hard.

But either way you have to look out for yourself and really go for it.

The only time I've worked in a 'ruthless' sort of culture, I left quite quickly. It's completely possible to earn a moderately high salary (at least 50k etc) without being a dick.

ETA

I've improved my salary over the years by changing jobs, learning how to sell myself on my CV and in interview, pushing myself beyond my comfort zone so my skills improved outside of work as well as within, and following the philosophy that I'm just as good as anyone else in the jobs I want, so why not me?

that is a paltry pay rise OP

what was it for? promotion? inflation?

you need to be more ruthless about your pay if you’re taking on increasing responsibilities as you outline in your Op

for £1k increase i doubt your colleague resent you. More like pity you for taking on extra work for such a paltry increase

I think you need to keep all your wonderful qualities of kindness, consideration for others and professionalism but add new ones to your arsenal :) It's not being ruthless, it's about rightly standing up for yourself :) And people will not like you less, and respect you even more.

It’s not ruthless to do your job well and to be clear about where your strengths lie, or to buck a culture of keeping you head down. Putting yourself forward doesn’t mean holding others back or undermining them.

No, we all got a pay rise due to the cost of living. I haven't had a personal one yet.